05.01.09 ‘G.I. JOE’ LOOKS, UH… EXPOSITORY
The French trailer for Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe has hit the web, and it’s pure adrenaline. And did you know? Adrenaline is made up of two parts CGI with three parts expository dialog. Hiring the Van Helsing director was a great idea. Here’s an actual transcript I made of the trailer:
“I want the warheads ready to launch in one hour. When I’m finished, this world will never forget.”
“The French are pretty upset.”
“Of course they’re upset!”“We have never faced a threat like this. A team is being assembled. They are the best operatives in the world. When all else fails… we don’t.”
“I want in.”“Standing in front of you, are Delta 6 Accelerator Suits.”
“What’s it accelerate?”
“YOU.”“This is General Hawk. Mission is a go.”
“Here they come.”
“GO! GO! GO!”
“We’re running out of time! Eject!”
“This is only just begun.” [sic]
This. Is. Going. To be. Awesome. They clearly ripped a page out of the George Lucas Star-Wars-Episode-I manual of dialogue writing. It makes things really exciting, because even if you have to look for something under your seat during the movie, you’ll still know what’s going on because the characters shout about whatever they’re doing at any given time.I’m typing as fast as I can! Look out, everyone! (*explosion*)
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There are 27 comments about:
‘G.I. JOE’ LOOKS, UH… EXPOSITORY
Move out all ZIG!
For great justice!
Sooooo…where exactly is the other blade on Snake-Eyes sword?
I have a beautiful full-length London Fog overcoat. I call it my ‘expository uniform’.
The French are perplexed… two minutes plus of expository dialog from a film about the military and not one person mentions surrender? Mon dieu!
I was literally almost sucked into the computer by the sheer awful. It should carry a warning!
The Joes just want to make sure you know what they’re doing.
So there’s at least half the battle…
A team is being assembled.
GRRRR….PASSIVE VOICE!
I had to use an expository once. Did not work as well as advertised.
If this is going to be anything like real-life G.I. Joes, somebody had better lose a fucking leg.
“This is only just begun.”
Karen Carpenter would be so proud… Now if only she could remember where she put that sandwich.
General Hawk: “Baroness - how exactly did you rise up the ranks so quickly?”
Baronness: “Blowing is half the battle.”
Suppositories are hard to swallow.
Miz, dont swallow it, it goes in your butt.
I don’t understand why the US Gubment doesn’t send over 100 Mongooses to take care of this problem.
*literally shakes head and Delta 6s ass to corner*
IT GOES WHERE?!?!
*throws away package*
That is a strict exit. Except for ladies.
Considering that it’s the director of Van Helsing, I’m surprised he didn’t try and make the movie GI Joes meets Transformers meets Thunder Cats meets Ninja Turtles. I’m just thankful the spectrum of his garbagosity hasn’t glowed all over my childhood.
So, I just checked the cast, and Demi’s gonna be pissed she shaved her head again.
So, uh, Marlon Wayans dies in like the first 10 minutes right? Write? WRIGHT!?
‘The fuck do I need this POS movie for?
* has GI Joe: Resolute on DVR-uh
EXPOSITORY (adj.) - ek-SPOZ-it-or-ee
1) Fucking shit (’G.I. Joe looks, uh…)
2) NOT black latex (’Why isn’t Sienna Miller wearing something a little more…’)
Can we have a movie where all of these secret strike force teams face off against each other? Considering none of them have ever lost a battle, it should be a pretty fucking good fight.
My money’s on Randy Quaid in his crop duster.
New up ladies and germs.
Erswi I’m with you. GI Joe Resolute was badass.
The only thing that will even tempt me with this is Ray Park being a ninja. Yum.
Also, glad to see I wasn’t the only one who read that as GI Joe looks suppository “Got to get loose, YO JOE!”
Jess, haven’t had a chance to watch it yet (life with twins) but I’m definitely going to get to it this weekend.
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