05.17.09 CMNTS OF THE WEEK: GREASY SAX EDITION
Howdy, folks. No Comments of the Week prize to give away this week, just bragging rights and this awesome greasy sax man gif to be enjoyed by all (via Thighs Wide Shut).
As always, the way this works is, at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of THIS post below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
Got it newbs? Good. Anyway, let’s start this off with the always-popular ex-wife joke. Stone Soup from the HUMPDAY TRAILER thread:
- Stone Soup says: “My ex wife f-cked my straight best friend and won a prize – my furniture.”
Next up, FistfulofAwesome puts the rest of our gay jokes to shame and makes it look easy while doing it. From WEEKEND BOX OFFICE:
- FistfulOfAwesome says: “Wolverine loves sliding into the #2 spot.”
Get it? #2 spot? Pretty highbrow. In BRUNO IS THE AUSTRIAN ZAC EFRON, The Mighty Fek’lhr found the obvious joke about… Kirk Cameron.
- The Mighty Fek’lhr says: “Even Kirk Cameron can admit that dicks fit better in hands than bananas do. However, he isn’t sure how it fits into God’s plan for him.”
Later in the week, AZIZ ANSARI VS. IMAX released a deluge of race jokes, most of which weren’t funny. Here are a few that were.
- TengoDooter says: Aziz: “I paid $5 extra for an IMAX screen and that’s not nearly as big…”
Manager: “What’s the matter? Afraid you won’t be able to hit it with an airliner?” - Burnsy says: “No, Aziz. For the last time, spray the deodorant in the other direction.”
- Pauly Dangerously says: “Looks like Aziz’s red dot went from his forehead to his panties.”
Advantage, Pauly. Next, Donkey Hodey picked up on the pop-up video approach to the ANGELS & DEMONS TRAILER:
- Donkey Hodey says: *Pop!* Tom Hanks used to be a respectable actor!
It was also Donk with the leading theory on why William Shatner insists on pronouncing sabotage “Sabo-tadge.”
- Donkey Hodey says: “In Shatner’s world, everything rhymes with vadge.”
Similarly, Pauly Dangerously had a wise take on SPIKE JONZE SCARES KID WITH WILD THING MASK:
- Pauly Dangerously says: “As a kid, I was afraid of heights. Now look at me, I’m high all the time!”
Inspiring, isn’t it? Then back to Donk for frog pick up lines in PRINCESS AND THE FROG TRAILER:
- Donkey Hodey says: “Hey baby, you don’t sound right. You got a frog in your throat? Want one?”
Also back in AZIZ ANSARI VS. IMAX, The Mighty Fek’lhr wins the peanut gallery award for vastly improving a comment through his response:
- Stone Soup says: “I faced a similar backlash in college after I chose to wear a t-shirt that read ‘12 Inch Penis’ with an arrow pointing down.”
- The Mighty Fek’lhr says: “Maybe you should have stopped wearing it backwards, Stoney…”
Moving on, no one does it quite like John Wayne in a Devo Hat. From NATASHA RICHARDSON SKI HELMET AD:
- John Wayne in a Devo Hat says: “Woody Allen heard the mountain had a ‘nursery slope’ and showed up with a bag of candy and a hard on.”
And it wouldn’t be Comments of the Week without at least one bad-good pun. From SCORSESE DIRECTING SINATRA BIOPIC:
- Crapbasket says: “You Dagos need to stop living in the pasta.”
This RoboPanda comment from SLUMDOG KID’S HOUSE TORN DOWN gets the awesome visual award.
- RoboPanda says: “Advent of the Monsoons is what I call it when Jesus goes wakeboarding.”
And in CAT TOO FAT FOR PET DOOR, we all knew there would be “big pussy” jokes. Pauly does it best:
- Pauly Dangerously says: “I always go backdoor on a pussy that fat.” *continues fly fishing*
And our winner is… Stinky Peet, in the PRINCESS AND THE FROG TRAILER:
- Stinky Peet breaks the levee: “This is going to do terrible box office, the people of New Orleans aren’t going to fall for that ‘Let me show you a great new trailer’ bit twice.”
Congratulations to the winners, better luck next week, everyone else.
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There are 64 comments about:
CMNTS OF THE WEEK: GREASY SAX EDITION
Lost Boys, FTW.
I may not be funny, but at least I can take comfort in my knowledge of greasy sax men.
*continues mixing rat poison & drain cleaner milkshake*
Congrats, Peet!
Yes, of course! That’s what I meant, congratulations.
*sips shake*
Hmmm … needs more broken glass.
Well ho-lee shit.
I’d like to thank the people of New Orleans for suffering for my art, and God for his excellent aim.
I don’t care that I didn’t win (even if there had been a prize) because I was just informed that I have won a brand new Nintendo Wii!
Will you be emailing me a tracking number soon?
nicely done inkypee!
Remember kids: your sickening racism will not be tolerated here! And thanks for nominating my “slope” joke! Yay for me! I love USA!
Good week, guys.
Congrats Peet.
*continues making Mr_Drummond voodoo doll*
Dor sho gha! His existence is validated! *swoon*
Nice job by all. Good work Peet.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/box-office-angels-demons-disappointment
Donkey Hodey says:
Actually, since it’s Tom Hanks, it’s more like “THROUGH WHAT MANNER WAS IT SET AFLAME!”
Congrats Peet. You really Stink.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/hasbro-battleship-movie-peter-berg
Maybe it’s because I’m still drunk after my Orlando Magic shit-stomped the defending world champs, but Fek has me shooting womp rats with:
Kid: G-4!
Dad: It’s a hit!
Admiral Ackbar: IT’S A TRAP!!!
Peter Berg to Direct Hasbro Battleship Movie
Second Fek
AND
Vodka with:
Oh no, Peter Berg! You sank my respect!
Third Fek
Fourth The Mighty One, because Yingtaghs on a Grethor Quaplah together.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/chris-hemsworth-as-thor#comments
Burnsy shows his international flare;
Hemsworth is Australian for daisy chain.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/vinnie-jones-acquitted-bar-fight#comment-196280
Crapbasket
Then the girl in the back said, “Everyone attack!”
Second the ballroom blitz.
Man eats his sons eyes and attacks his legs with an axe
Pauly Dangerously:
…attacked his own legs with an ax…
He just wanted to “ax” where the “knee-grows”.
Same thread.
John Wayne in a Devo Hat:
The child was immediately rushed to the ICU But You Can’t See Me.
Stinky Pete from the Vinnie Jones Pool Hall Fight thread:
Well it’s just like he told them on set, “The next person who says to me, ‘Hey Meathead, that’s your cue,’ is gonna eat a couple of teeth.”
Hard to pick just one from the Daddy Ate My Eyes thread, but I’ll go with Crapbasket:
Eye caramba dude!
Sums things up nicely. And by nicely I mean god is dead.
Crapbasket gets me with this subtle imagery from the Paris stinks thread:
[Paris goes to doctor, lifts skirt, one pound of what looks like uncooked ground beef sloughs off her snatch, hits the floor, screams, the flees the room via an unknown form of locomotion.]
Paris: Is that normal?
Doctor: No.
Second (and third if I could) to:
John Wayne in a Devo Hat:
The child was immediately rushed to the ICU But You Can’t See Me.
From the Mel Gibson is Jewish(y), Vodka stirs my martini-
Jesus’ favorite TV show is MXC, but he won’t watch it because it’s on Spike.
Vodka is on fire over on the gibson page:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/george-orwell-homage-to-catalonia#comments
Vodka says:
After a few drinks, Mel refers to Fitzgerald as Sugar Fitz.
JHC blows me away on /2009/05/george-orwell-homage-to-catalonia:
Something tells me both of these actors have experience getting shot in the throat.
I second JHC’s throat shot only cause I was about to make the same joke.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/shia-was-a-9-yr-old-comedian#respond
Fek
“Shia, how old were you when you started comedy?”
Shia: “This many!” *holds up hands*
Shia Started Standup at age 9
Fek is on a roll this week:
“Shia, how old were you when you started comedy?”
Shia: “This many!” *holds up hands*
Third Fek and his nine fast fingers.
Gotta fourth Fek.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/new-moon-poster#comments
Chodin:
This shit is so emo, the director had to yell “don’t CUT!” after each take.
Ninth Fek.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/rashida-jones-a-basket-of-puppies&cp=2#comment-196742
ChinoMoreno has cancer of the genus and a touch of VD in the littoral zone;
A true villain would have given her a box of crabs.
2nd Chino
From http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/adam-sandler-movie-looks-good#more-13842
The Average Bear says:
The more weight Seth Rogan loses the more Jonah Hill puts on. I want to think if you shot one the other would become immortal.
Like Splinter, Freud doesn’t get enough credit for humour.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/inglourious-basterd-reviews-from-cannes#comments
Mark It Zero says:French projectionists insist that you’re the one surrendering.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/mickey-rourke-parrot-jason-statham#comments
Al just gave me shower fodder for a month-
I asked for a cockatoo, not a cock or two. Get that thing outta my face.
Second Mark it Zero.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/mickey-rourke-parrot-jason-statham#comments
Burnsy
“Polly wants a different cracker!”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/terminator-salvation-bad-reviews#comments
Pauly
One reviewer* said “I’ve seen a better robot done by Jamal the Breakdancin’ Bum.”
*me
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/baby-on-board-looks-shitty#comments
I guess I wasn’t the only one:
chodin says:
Heather Graham reminds me of my ex girlfriend. Not so much that they look similar or anything, but more the fact that I can’t figure out why I used to masturbate to her.
Dammit, I have no idea who thunderdan22 is, but he nailed the joke I was trying to find (what’s even lower than direct-to-DVD?) on 2009/05/baby-on-board-looks-shitty:
this movie is going straight to vhs
Oh how I wish I hadn’t laughed at this for five minutes straight.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/05/josh-brolin-will-kill-people-free-slaves
chodin
Brolin: ““I know the character really well…I mean, we dug him up, fucked with his shoes, arranged his fingers into gang signs and then took pictures. Yeah, I know the character.”
passion-screenwriter
Stone Soup says:
This is what happens when you don’t use a Jewish agent, stupid.
y’all know I had to nom this
Mark It Zero says:
Whack-a-kitty smack-a-kitty dooooo!
rubina-ali-house
Burnsy says:
Said Rubina to Azharuddin: “Anything you Hindu, I Hindu better.”
9-trailer
Mark It Zero (again) says:
His responsible side tells him to hide indoors, but his frosting side tells him to toss Molotovs at those pricks.
we keep brolin brolin brolin
Donkey Hodey says:
John Brown and me are a lot alike. Neither of us ever met a driver from Missouri we didn’t want to hit with a hatchet.
I second ^that
I meant Chodin’s comment.
Fuck those other dudes.
Your mom’s all over that, Pauly.
*Wink, air hump*
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