Jackass‘ Chris Pontius aka Party Boy has signed on to co-star in Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere.
The “Jackass” trouper will play Sammy, best friend of the character played by Stephen Dorff, a decadent, bad-boy actor living at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood who begins to re-examine his life after a surprise visit from his 11-year-old daughter (Elle Fanning). [THR]
Wait, Chris Pontius and Stephen Dorff? Phew, roll out the red carpet. The budget on this thing must be practically unlimited. It’s also ironic that Pontius and Sofia Coppola are working together, since many reviewers said they’d rather chug horse jizz than watch Marie Antoinette again.
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What was that post earlier about why we import all of our action stars?
I present exhibit A to the court.
All Sofia Coppola films need more nut shots.
Fans of Sofia Coppola like Party Boy’s ironic bow tie.
Ironically, chuggnig horse jizz is what led to me seeing Marie Antoiette, or rather, wanting to get the girl I went with to chug jizz out of my horse cock.
Not even blood relative Nic Cage would do this film.
“An actor with a home” is what Stephen Dorff calls the role of a lifetime.
So, fia, you maka da movies?
Ya, coupla.
I’d never chug horse jizz!
I sip it with my pinky up and swirl in my mouth to appreciate the taste.
Plus, it makes my hair shine.
Dude, your daughter’s hot, mind if I…?
Soooooomewheeeeere over the rainboooow….
that’s on Jacktiooooon’s reeeeear bumpeeeeerr.
Shiteau Mushmouth is where Chodin lives.
My Chucks are hanging from his telephone wire.
So this is a little bit like ‘Ghosts of Girlfriends Past’ only even more pretentious?
Jesus fuck all. Anybody else tired of Hollytardland sucking it’s own dick all the time? There is life outside of LA ya know. I spose if ya give a batch of preening narcissists a camera, what should you expect?
Does it bother anybody else when you go to use a public shitter and the stall you get was freshly used and you sit down and absorb some other guys ass heat from the seat and stew in their airborne poo poo particles?
I spose if ya give a batch of preening narcissists a camera, what should you expect?
Porn. Lots and lots of porn.
Also, pretentious bullshit movies that tell the story of the human condition from the point of view of people who are wholly isolated from what it means to actually be human.
Mostly porn though.
If I could suck my own dick I’m sure I’d be doing it all the time.
The premise of this movie would be infinitely more believable if it centered around Stephen Dorff’s willingness to suck Pointius’ cock for crack rocks.
I don’t care what da man sayz! Crack rocks!
Among the DVD extras will be a Sofia Coppola slomo remix of Party Boy set to Sufjan Stevens, ending with period blood trailing down the screen.
Art is fun!
Did somebody call me?
Chris Pontius’ career gotta start “Somewhere”
and when I say somewhere, I mean inside her panties.
When I hear the name “Christopher Pontius” I think of a fucking Conquistador or something*.
*Horse Cum Gulper
I was voted “Most Likely To Drink Farm Animal Ejaculate” in high school my senior year.
Just senior year? Amateur.
*raises fist, “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds begins playing*
Judd Nelson? Is that you??
After this film bombs, Sofia’s career will be described thusly:
Coppola hits, Coppola misses.
Dorf On Golf >>>> Dorff on screen.
Poor Chris. He’s been trying to shop his own TV show around, but no one in Hollywood wants anything to do with a Pontius pilot.
Not to mention the utter disaster that was his exercise DVD, “Pontius Pilates”.
Fuck it. Where’d I put my BONG!! ?
Stone, I love ya for being queer for John Hughes movies.
*just like me
Hi cathydrill. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, go fuck yourself.
God fucking dammit. You had to define cougar Cathydrill. I was hoping for a minute I could be fucking a giant mountain cat by tonight. Or at least drink some cat jizz…
*a sudden spike in neutron radiation is detected, then SUDDENLY, Grethor appears!*
*incoming transmission*
Dor sho gha! The Mighty Feklahr leaves you baktag forshak hut dwelling yIntaghs for one qovlpathing day, and youlet some skanky, washed up, two bit whore like “cathydrill” (if that is her real name) in?
…
And you didn’t invite Him to the bukkake gangbang??? GUY’CHA!
*end transmission*
*a faint red aura surrounds the ship, then SUDDENLY Grethor disappears!*