05.08.09 BRETT RATNER OFF ‘CONAN’ REMAKE ;-(
Someone’s baking frownies! As producer Joe Gatta tells Empire, Brett Ratner will no longer be directing his remakes of Conan the Barbarian or Red Sonja.
“We’re currently in the process of hiring a director,” he told us. “For the past six months we were discussing the movie with Brett Ratner, and for more timing issues than anything else we had to part ways with Brett. We all wanted him to do it, believe me; just the timing didn’t work.”
On the plus side, this means the world is spared another Brett Ratner movie. The downside is, Brett Ratner probably got paid a bunch of money for doing absolutely nothing yet again. I can only imagine their pre-production meetings over nachos. “Yo, so me and my boy Ben Lyons were talking about this over hookah the other night, and we think it’d be really sick if Conan had a robot sidekick.” “But, Brett… it’s about barbarians. They didn’t… have robots.” “Hmm, I dunno, homey, your call. But I think we might have to schedule another one of these free-nacho parties to get this all squared away.”
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There are 34 comments about:
BRETT RATNER OFF ‘CONAN’ REMAKE ;-(
You’re wrong. The baby died.
believe me; just the timing didn’t work.
This statement is absolutely true. If the timing had worked out properly, they would have realized Ratner was a bad choice LONG ago.
In a related story, at Starbucks this morning Rose McGowan took my order for a ventimiglia.
DON’T YOU KNOW THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?
Banner pic:
Polanski: “Good night bears, good night chairs. Can you find the bears on this page?”
Brett Ratner is very disappointed that he’ll have to pay for his own comically large turkey legs now.
BTK, this is probably a good thing. Ratner’s stupid ass not only would have tried to cast some deuche like Channing Tatum as Conan, but cast Andy Richter as his sidekick.
Ratner’s not that clever.
It’s not the studio’s fault. In all fairness, you can only give Brett Ratner so many copies of the same contract, watch him slather it with A1 sauce and then eat the fucker.
Brett Ratner only wanted to make the movie so he could contract Valerial Disease.
I was looking forward to Jackie Chan playing that asian wizard. His broken english wouldn’t matter because they could just say he’s casting a spell.
Right now, somewhere in Los Angeles, Brett Ratner is using the first draft of this script as a dental dam on a gay concubine.
Ratner has no idea what a barbarian is, he was going to cast an elephant.
Ratner probably wanted to have the camel punch Conan back. And then turn it into the cow fight scene from Kung Pow
Brett Ratner calls Miley Cyrus’s pussy Pink Bone-ya.
One of the bigger issues was that Ratner kept demanding pop-up pages in the script.
Brett Ratner is a high-level Hackmaster.
Brett: Goddamn it! I knew this would happen. The second they started rerunning X-Men 3 on FX I knew. The jig is fucking up. Game over man. Game over.
Brett Ratner thinks that Conan should be updated for the modern age by turning him into a young female pop sensation called Handon Mountana.
You see Ratner was convinced Conan was a documentary on Conan O’brien. Honest mistake.
As Ratner left the production office, with his head hung low, Joe shouted, “Better luck fucking up someone else’s project, homo!” as he pointed a finger gun and sputtered “Gatta-Gatta-Gatta”.
Brett Ratner takes Glamorshots of his bowel movements.
Which one of you fucking Candians stole my u?
With all do respect, Brett Ratner actually had to pull out of the projects so that he could then stick it into a boyish cocotte.
Donk, we need that U more than you do. We give that letter the respect it deserves by adding more colour to the language
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