04.13.09 WOODY HARRELSON THWARTS ZOMBIE ATTACK
Woody Harrelson roughed up a TMZ photographer at La Guardia airport the other day, but it was okay because no one likes TMZ photographers and because he had a really good excuse.
Harrelson defended his clash with a photographer at a New York airport Wednesday night as a case of mistaken identity — he says he mistook the cameraman for a zombie.
“I wrapped a movie called ‘Zombieland,’ in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character,” Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist. “With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie,” he said. [CNN] [pointless annoying boring video of the "attack" here]
This would be a funnier story if Harrelson wasn’t still being sued for $2.5 million dollars by some other TMZ asswipe over a similar incident in 2006 (Key quote: The photographer then flagged down an LAPD patrol car and told the two officers inside, “Hey bro, I just got assaulted by Woody Harrelson. He choked me out right now.”). As my lack of pants would indicate, I’m not a lawyer, but I’m pretty sure you can’t claim an assault was very serious if you continue chasing your alleged assailant down the street yelling “this is assault!” No, it’s not. If anything, it’s a one-sided game of grabass. In fact if I were Harrelson’s lawyer, I would’ve advised him to use the “why are you hitting yourself?” defense.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/JamesCameron-posterSignatur-150x150.jpg)
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WOODY HARRELSON THWARTS ZOMBIE ATTACK
One sided game of grabass < one sided game Hungry Hungry Hippos
That’s so funny. Cuz I was detained by police for kicking in the skull of a Twiharder.
My defense . . . I thought he was a vampire.
And I didn’t have my wooden stake on me.
“I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie”
Oh, of course. In my upcoming court case, I’ll just tell the judge that even though the girl was “Stripped, Raped And Strangled”, I feel as though my actions were quite understandable
So weed does cause brain damage. Awesome, put-you-inside-a-movie brain damage. Pick it, pack it, fire it up.
Woody’s film must feature a new breed of zombies who specifically aren’t looking for brains.
When you can’t differentiate fantasy from reality, you have a potentially dangerous personality disorder. Or you’re an actor. I can never remember which.
And do the zombies in the movie really ask him how his flight was and if he misses Sam from Cheers?
This reminds me of the time my ex mother in law tried to take a picture of me.
Later on, he pointed at a cat, a baby, and then a cat again and screamed “AAAAAH DEATH!”
We have patients who get into character by not taking their schizophrenia medication.
The subpoena for the inevitable lawsuit will be addressed to “Resident Evil.”
Stoney, just remember how much He loves your “ex” stories!
He means, He doesn’t nominate them or anything, but He loves them.
Yo, Woody…DON’T FRUIT THE STEM TEA!!!
(the umbrella can stay, though)
That paparazzi just got Munson’d.
I do it all for the nookie, Fek – the nookie.
Am I gonna be the only one to call Bullshittake on this one by pointing out that Woody f’n Harrelson is talking about being in character?
The only thing that Woody knows about being in character is taking narcotics and banging naked chicks. And I’m not talking about playing Larry Flynt either.
Someone yelled “Paparazzi!” and Woody’s munchies got the best of him.
I love the word “Thwarts”. In face, I’m going to start referring to a successful defense against a rapists’ attack as “genital thwarts.”
Zombie Woody Harrelson only eats paparazzi brains.
In his defense, Woody thought the paparazzi was trying to chop his penis off.
In face is how I say in person. I’m edgy and hip.
Fag.
I’d like to see Zombie Woody Harrelson casted with Zombie Master P called “White Men Can’t Grunt”
“Woody! Woody! C’mon, man, show us your face! Turn around, please! Just real quick, Woody! BRAAAAAAIIINNNNNS!”
I can hear the Cheers song in my head already.
Don’t you want to go…
Where every Zombie wants your braaaaains!!
Duh Duh Duh Duh
And the Paparazzi is to blaaaame!!
Duh Duh Duh Duh
It’s funny that some primitive cultures think that cameras steal your soul.
It’s ironic that the paparrazi proves them right.
@Donkey
And its unfortunate that Woody doesn’t have one.
Zombie Woody Harrelson starred in Natural Reborn Killers.
I don’t know what these photographers expect. I always tell my girlfriends, when the woody rises don’t go gettin out your camera unless you want attacked.
This might be why Seth Rogen put headlock on me in the changeroom at the Gap this morning. Not that he didn’t have a good reason.
This is the coolest headline ever, considering it’s woody harrelson.
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