WEEKEND PREVIEW, PRESENTED BY SEXMAN
04.17.09Here’s Sexman’s review of Observe and Report, which opened last week. He more or less agreed with me.
Opening this week:
Anvil! The Story of Anvil - The heavy-metal, documentary version of The Wrestler opens in five more cities this week, now playing in Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, Irvine, Seattle, Cambridge (Mass.), and Montreal. Their story is kind of like that clip of the old British lady your mom keeps emailing me, but more metal.
17 Again – Zac Efron and Matthew Perry star in a movie you’ve already seen if you’ve ever seen a movie. Check out Zac Efron on the Today Show. Really, Today Show? You’re gonna let Zac Efron talk about this like it’s a serious movie? Jesus. He’s like a robot raised by publicists.
Crank High Voltage – I know it’s a deliberately ridiculous Jason Statham vehicle, but it just gives me a trying-too-hard vibe. I’m all for something that’s actually outrageous, but it seems like every time something gets marketed as outrageous nowadays it just ends up pandering to half-retarded WWE fans.
State of Play - Hey, remember this movie? Stars Ben Affleck, Russell Crowe, Helen Mirren, and Rachel McAdams? Yeah, me neither. Doesn’t seem like they’re promoting it much. Then again, it doesn’t look that interesting.
Also – Adventureland is still out, and worth seeing if you haven’t already.
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Russell Crowe stars as a newspaper reporter. “New-spaper.” Ah, period pieces.
i can’t help but think that if only sexmans dad had pulled out and decorated moms face we’d all be spared from his postings….a thought that no doubt crosses his dad’s mind daily.
it just ends up pandering to half-retarded WWE fans.
Hey, insiders call them “smarks”, ok?
Jesus. The kid’s like a robot raised by publicists.
Funny, he doesn’t look Japanese…
So, um, yeah. Was I the only one who noticed that Sexman knocked Ray Liotta’s looks??
When Magneto ripped the metal out of Wolverine’s skeleton, he used it to try to fix Sexman’s teeth.
State of play: 80% on RT
Crank High Voltage: 76% on RT
Just saying.
Vince, thank you for introducing me to a genuinely new experience: Being pleased to see Sexman. Gives me an excuse to use an expression i read for the first time this week: Teeth like a witch doctor’s necklace.
I see VaLince’s point about Crank though, Shoot ‘em Up had potential if they kept a witty plot to go with the over the top violence, but instead it was a fucking retarded plot with OTT violence.
BTK noMo, “flirting.” Ah, you win my heart one comment at a time.
Sexman’s breath is locked up like Auschwitz.
Sexman woke up to Mexicans trying to steal his braces for scrap metal.
I wonder if any astrophysicists or cosmologists have thought to look between Sexman’s teeth for all the invisible matter that they can’t account for in the universe.
(probably a little too technical for this crowd, but I bet He is ROTF)
After they’re done straightening his teeth, Sexman’s braces will go back to their old job holding up the road between San Francisco and Oakland.
Ironically, Sexman will never have sex.
Watched the first Crank again last night and was surprised how much more entertaining it was than i remembered it. Like an extended “Smack My Bitch Up”, so High Voltage should be worth seeing.
Vince says: “He more or less agreed with me.”
I don’t blame you for bragging one bit. Everyone likes to have their work validated by their peers.
Well goDoo, your “invisible matter” or “dark matter” to use the parlance of the cosmological community, who do not think that this is actual physical matter, but a component of gravitational forces that can only be infered by it’s effect on radiant matter and radiated energy.
Fart squirts!
^ That would have been funnier if Zog had said it.
And if half my comment hadn’t vanished and my browser didn’t crash.
UUUUPPPRRRROOOOXXXXXXXX!!!!!
Well Professor C-basket,
I would counter by pointing out that the difference between “physical” matter and waves is solely dependent on their velocities.
Quark squirts!
(remember who your audience is goDoo)
Let me put it this way. If a d-cup breast with a puffy nipple leaves the sun and accelerates to the speed of light as it passes the Earth and you tried to lick it, it would pass through your tongue without so much as a tingle.
Then if it decelerated over the next 93,000,000 miles and Fek was in the area he could slobber all over it.
Know what I’m sayin?
Uh, you are trying to say that an object of mass, we’re not taking neutrinos and their near zero mass and non interaction with any governing electromagnetic force with the exception of weak force here, you’re saying something with equivalent mass to a boob, if accelerated to c which is imposible, will not interact with another object of detectable mass? Wrong.
Dude,(?) The physics on Star Trek are made up.
Enough of this, New Up!
Aye yi yi, Cb!
In fact ALL velocity is constant at c. The only reason things move independently of one another is because the local particle time varies. And you won’t find that on Star Trek. This is 2009. It’s time to leave your grandpa’s worm holes and space-time continuum in the cosmic dust.