We all know Twilight fans can build up quite an appetite stabbing people, getting Twilight tattoos, and making models of Bella’s uterus. Luckily for them, now when they need a burst of quick energy, they can turn to these tasty, synergylicious special-edition Sweethearts candies called “Forbidden Fruits.” [Editor's Note: I know, right?]. The hearts are glittery and feature Twilight-related phrases such as “LAMB,” “SOUL MATE,” “BITE ME,” “TRUST ME,” and “DAZZLE,” with flavors Orange Obsession, Tempting Apple, Secret Strawberry, and Passion Fruit. What, no Anal Doesn’t Count Chocolate? And for the adult who has to buy these for their kid, Convenient Cyanide.
I want to eat these candies really f*cking bad… but I wonder… maybe they’re tastier if I don’t?
[via Cinematical]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/Bella-twilight-breaking-dawn-wedding-dress-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/Twilight-breakdawn-2-150x150.jpg)
On the box: “The Forbidden Fruit Tastes The Sweetest”
Oh, but I’m the one trying to turn your kids gay. Sure. Sure. Fine. Whatever.
Pillow case linen candy with “I’m lonely” on it.
I FUCKING LOVE NECCOS!!!
“DO ANAL”
No matter how much you like Twilight, your Dad will never say he loves you.
I just assumed they’d be sucking candies.
You know who eats these candies? Fangsters.
“LAMB,” “SOUL MATE,” “BITE ME,” “TRUST ME,” and “DAZZLE,”
It’s almost like they were in my bedroom the last time I got all drunked up and tried to backdoor the wife.
Sweethearts Forbidden Fruits: The new pint of Haagen Daas ice cream for overweight teenage girls who are lonely on Friday night.
What is awesome is that these heart-shaped candies fit securely in my dickhole.
Someone call Merriam Webster and get Stone Soup his due.
If you stab one of these candies with a stake, do you kill a Mormon?
So what these candes are telling me is to hold out on sex until I find the right vampire?
GREAT! I’ll never fuck.
“SUCK IT”
Okay, I’m just gonna ask. What the fuck is FML? Fuck Mike Loosely? Feel My Lovemuscle?
You know, Stone, I would’ve gone with “Fangots”.
“Fuck my life”
What did the virgin Twilight fan say on prom night?
Don’t Twihard, it might get bwuddy.
Ba da bum, ching!
“RED WINGS”
Someone explain my Fangster campaign to Vince please…
If I’m biting into a candy that says “Lamb” on it, I expect it to taste like mint jelly.
*takes a shot of Uzo*
OPA!
Fuck My Landlady*
*I’m the landlady
—- Grabs pind of Haagen Daas and retires to the corner —-
If you crush these up and mix them with water, you get a drink called “Fang”.
Oh, the last thread was the fuck spelling thread, wasn’t it.
Great, just what a bunch of shut in fat Twilight..(urp)…ers, need, candy.
Don’t worry honey, the boys don’t like you because you are so smart, not because you look like a file shot used by the news when talking about how obese Americans are.
Thanks Boss, but I think I like Al’s better.
*hits up Priceline for ticket to Canada*
“Conversation Hearts”? If I ever find myself in a conversation that includes “trust me”, “I trust you”, “soul mates” and “dazzle”, I’ll shoot myself in the face.
This makes the makers of Starlite Mints very nervous.
Percentage Daily Nutritional Values:
Iron 0%
Manganese 0%
Calcium 5%
Bullshit 450%
*backs away from thread slowly*
I know their vision is based on movement…
(Fangster came from the ‘Twihard’ thread of last week. Then every subsequent thread that day as I fought to have it catch on. Thanks for confirming my suspicions of any measured success.)
OK Al, this green is awesome, trust me. I trust you know how to operate a slider bowl? How about I put on some soul, mates well with the buzz, eh? I swear, this shit will dazzle your dome.
So, can I shoot in your face now?
Fangster: “Do you have the new Twighlight candies?”
Store Clerk: *Snickers*
Crappy: brilliant. Stoney: that horse is dead, but I applaud your enthusiastic persistence.
I thought FML meant “For My Love”….
And I thought that Vince posts for my eyes only…..
I still think Fangster has a legitimate shot. It’s not half as ridiculous as “bootylicious”. Or “misogyny”
Everytime I scroll past the ad for “Fighting” under the post block, it looks like Channing is going down on some dude wearing boxer briefs.
Wow, I wish I was seeing Channing Tatum instead of the Top 10 Worst Pick Up Lines.
I don’t even know what the hell they’re advertising.
I appreciate the (non-Canadian) support.
LIVE 4 EVERS
^ they recycles those from the “Fight for Civil Rights” Conversation Hearts from a while ago.
If I were director of quality control, I’d make sure that a green M&M would slip into at least one out of 30 boxes of these.
You know good and goddamned well there is some Fangster sitting in her bedroom wondering why they didn’t make the candies taste like different blood types.
“COCK TEASE”
“JIZZ MOP”
Too bad the line of Twilight themed wine coolers did not take off.
^ Uh, I don’t know what I meant either.
The guy on the box looks like his favorite flavor of Twilight candy is “Nocturnal Nutsack”.
X marks the new up!
The problem with Twilight candies is that you can’t get into the box.
Other flavors include Unpopped Cherry and Statutory Grape.
Little known fact – Forbidden Fruits was the original working title for Milk