The Daily Mail reports that Catherine Zeta-Jones is “desperate” to play singing cat-lady Susan Boyle in a movie about her life.  And you know it’s a serious story because they’ve made a Catherine Zeta-Boyle picture in photoshop.

Miss Zeta-Jones, 39, has apparently asked about the film rights to the singer’s life story and sensational appearance on Britain’s Got Talent.  It is believed that Oscar-winning film director James Cameron, who was behind Titanic, has expressed an interest in a similar project.

Oh, British press, you always have to take it a step too far, don’t you?  I could’ve believed Catherine Zeta-Jones.  It would’ve been like an Us Magazine, stars-are-just-like-us story.  Catherine Zeta-Jones emailed the Susan Boyle clip to everyone she knows!  She’s just like your mom! But then you had to go randomly pick names out of the hat, and you got… the guy from Terminator 2? It’s bad enough they lie, they’re not even good liars.  If a Susan Boyle movie goes anywhere, it will be the Lifetime network.  I’ve never seen a phenomenon go from excitement to just-stop-already faster than this one.  It’s a lot like my lovemaking.  Call me, cat ladies.