CAP’N KIRK VS. THE BUTTHOLE MONSTER
04.30.09In this new clip from JJ Abrams’ Star Trek (OMG OMG only one more week before it’s out!), young Captain Kirk Chris Pine runs from a big monster who creature designer Steve Daly describes as “looking, literally like an ass.” (Io9 has some pictures of the concept art). It looks basically like a cross between an anus and predator’s mouth. We don’t get to see how Kirk gets away, but ten bucks says he throws something down its throat and it chokes. I’ve always found the only way to please a monster butthole is to jam something big and hard in it. But then, that’s my solution to everything. (*hip thrusts*)
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Butthole Monster was always my favorite muppet character.
This is what I saw when I looked at someone’s asshole through a microscope.
Star Wars did it.
MIZ beat me to it but I’ll jump in anyway. Throw Boba Fett at it and you’ll get away every time.
Without watching the clip I’m going to assume by “butthole monster” you mean Spock.
What’s the craziest feature of this creature?
The eyes have it.
The best way to deal with a butthole monster is to burn it alive. The best way to do that is to throw some Taco Bell down the other end.
I don’t know what it is but i’m gonna fuck it.
/Richard Pryor
“looking, literally like an ass.”
It’s funny. Apparently this guy based a monster for a motion picture off of some footage of me dancing while blitzed to the fucking moon at my cousin’s wedding, yet I haven’t seen a check. Fucking Hollywood.
The Butthole Monster insists on playing ‘Pepper’ on your sterero constantly, even though you’re getting tired of it.
This creature is what was born when the chick with the teeth in her snooch let her boyfriend blow his load in her butt.
a cross between an anus and predator’s mouth
So it looks like Dubya and The Pope kissing opposite sides of a crucifix? Wierd.
Literally.
The Mighty Feklahr liked this post better when He thought it said “Cap’n Crunch vs. The Butthole Surfers”!
PS: Fuck you, Donk, too subtle.
“So wait… you mean to tell me killed that thing by leaping down its throat, planting an explosive, and crwawling out to safety?! How did you feel after that?”
“Pooped.”
YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Butthole monsters scare the poop outta me!
Proofreading is for pussies and communists.
I didn’t realize just how mainstream Sasha Grey had gone.
Guess who’s literally going to the game this Saturday?
Just sayin’ to make Donk jealous, now that he’s here.
Kirk: “Dammit, I have the sulfur, potassium, coal, and diamonds…now…I just need…*something* to blow them out of like a cannon…something long and hard with a hollow tube in the middle…dor sho gha!”
Thus, the Legend of Captain Kirk is born.
Butthole monsters live in closets. And when they’re ready, they come out of them.
I hear Gandalf the Constipator stopped a butthole monster in its tracks by yelling “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
The producers at Seasame Street had to change Butthole Monster’s shtick. He can no longer go hog wild eating assholes like a mad man because it might give kids the wrong idea about excess.
Now he goes apeshit over baby carrots.
You can’t kill the Butthole monster, but if you put up MonsterQuest Game Cameras in the area, there won’t be one around for 50 miles. MonsterQuest guaranfuckingtees it.
Enjoy watching the Blackhawks beat up on the ‘Nucks, Al.
Dustin Byfuglien is the original Butthole Monster.
I’m jelus Al.
Illiterately.
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For real, why is every pic of Eminem looks like he is super pissed he is sooo constipated? Oh, wait, I am sure he’s supposed to look tough/gangsta. We’ll see how tough he feels when he gets tossed into a sea of horny dishonoured Klingon souls lookin’ for a drive by on some cracka ass cracka fruit booty!
Crappy, you know when you spell like that, I want to literally kiss your face off.
Al, if you get a sign on the air that says “BTKane”, you will forever be my hero.
Anytime I get a butthole monster, a little Preparation H does the trick.
Why my post about long hard tubes should be nominated:
-It references possibly the best episode of classic Trek evar.
-It is on topic, plus has the dual reference of Kirk being pitted one on one vs. an alien
-I innovated the diamond shooting dick cannon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arena_(TOS_episode)
dor sho gha! copy past the whole thing!
Al! Did you just say FACE . . . OFF?!?!2
Shhhh . . . you don’t want to wake the Cage Monster!
HA I should wear a bikini top and hold up a sign that says “FilmDrunk”.
Am I the only one who could see Crappy getting his mug on tv at a hockey game by licking the glass?
Yes and YES!
You’re taking about my adult Bris right?
When a town is attacked by the Butthole Monster they refer to its residue as Monster’s Ink.
You should just write “COMING UP – SPORTSCENTER” on your ass and press a ham on the glass. Use the right font and you won’t have to write out the “O”.
I don’t know how to defeat the Butthole Monster, but I do know that an 18 of Busch Light and two chili cheese burritos piss it off, for realz.
The Cyclops Butthole Monster’s eye is brown.
I only lick the glass if it smells like feet, yo.
New Up.
The ass is voiced by Ice T. /record scratch
Chris Klein would be prepared … he carries a one-size-fits-all buttplug with him everywhere he goes (guess where he keeps it).