If Fox News columnist Roger Friedman’s status was at all in doubt yesterday, it is no longer.  Fox today released a statement saying they “mutually agreed to part ways immediately.”  Mutual, that’s how it was with me and my ex-girlfriend.  All the crying and pissing my pants at work and killing her dog was just a transitional phase.  Based on mutualness.  And if I’d done those things, and I’m not saying I did, but say for the sake of argument I did, it would’ve only been because I f*cking love you so much you stupid bitch why can’t you see that.

Anyway, so ends Friedman’s 10+ year career as a Fox columnist.  Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

“Guiding Light, R.I.P. I’m glad I switched to Colgate Total a long time ago.”

“Most of us have never been to Malawi, a country that Madonna has depicted as so poor that she must remove its children for their safety. She’s burnished this image so completely that yours truly was surprised to meet a group of Malawi businessmen on a flight in Zambia two years ago. These well-spoken gentlemen were on their way to a weekend retreat – just like businessmen all over the world.”

“After “Joey,” Matt LeBlanc has literally disappeared.”

“Whatever he’s doing involving chains, water tanks, or straitjackets, Jackman looks no worse for the wear. Wherever he goes, women go into a dead faint, and swoon all about like teenagers at a Justin Timberlake concert!”

“Krall has just finished producing tracks for Barbra Streisand’s new album, too. She’s doing all of that and taking care of two year twin boys with dad Elvis. And, oh yeah she does Letterman on April 3rd . Talk about multi-tasking!”

His legendary insight will be missed.