04.17.09 WHO WANTS TO HAVE A GOOD CRY?

*reads post, slides bottle of Cinnamon schnapps to Donk*

It’s heartwarming, hommie.

Holy shit. I honestly didn’t think Cameron Diaz could look any uglier. Touche, make up artists.

Well, there goes my remission.

There’s Something About Baldy

My Other Sister’s Keeper said that if she has to clean up a 24 year old’s diaper one more time, that retard is going to wish she had cancer.

Ugh, The Mighty Feklahr needs this dramatic, pseudo-scientific nonsense about as much as He needs His wife to birth Him a half-Romulan heir.

Listen, when Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to stop carrying guns around in front of a camera, Hollywood needed to just fucking quit. Why? Movies like this is why.

I love my soon-to-be-dead bald daughter.

WHO WANTS TO HAVE A GOOD ‘DIE ALREADY!’?

Cameron Diaz does not have a good bald-person head. She looks like the daughter in Coneheads.

The twist ending? She dies of Alzheimer’s before the cancer can take her.

This is nowhere even close to my idea of “entertainment”*.

*it should involve jello. And pillow fights.

I’m my sister’s trapper-keeper. That’s why I got this sweet purple and pink unicorn tattoo.

Cameron: “For the last time, I am not pulling your GD finger.”

I’ve got an organ I can provide to that little hairless minx, heh heh.

*drops pants*

Coming soon, My Daughters Keeper: The Josef Fritzl Story

Billy Corgan is pumped about his first stand-in role.

My favorite part of “The Notebook” was when The Goose laid down in the road. It was shortly followed by my least favorite part, when he wasn’t crushed by a speeding rape van, the driver getting out doing the electric slide on his remains, all before abducting Rachel McAdams.

In the sequel, the girl is kinapped, but rescued after an amber alert. The people responsible for getting her home safely then get cancer and the loving parents decide to carry twins for organ harvesting to save them both in My Sister’s Finders Keepers.

Why does she have a boy’s name, anyway?

“Ah, yes, well, you were genetically conceived to provide organs for your sister. So hand over that pancreas, girl! Might as well give us the kidneys while you’re at it, to save time.”

Donk, nice.

Is Robert Ebert the retarded brother of Roger?

Or is he that Cajun movie reviewer whose name is pronounced “Ro-bair Ay-bear?”

You know, Fek, this movie is about sacrificing a living person to save another one… you ready for the fundy fighting?

So how does Carmen Diaz do it in this movie? Does she just rub the semen on her scalp like a moisturizer?

and that’s the problem with the California wild fires….they fail to burn Hollywood to the fucking ground.