MAGIC AND QUIDDITCH AND CRAP
04.09.09Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has a new trailer out, and my brain would melt if I even attempted to make sense of the plot. Here’s the official rundown:
Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself increasingly drawn to Ginny, and so is Dean Thomas. Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hasn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates. Then there’s Hermione, simmering with jealousy but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead, and Hogwarts may never be the same again.
I got all the way to “Voldemort is tightening his grip on the Muggle” before I thought of a sex joke. You? I don’t blame Voldemort. My grip would be tight too if I was hanging out with Hermione. Even if she does have a bit of a hairy pooter. Sorry, it’s just that I’m lazy and these jokes are really easy.


Fangsters?
The prince is half blood, half crip. He’s undecided.
Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses
Turns out he gets really angry when you play “Got your nose” with him.
“Simmering with jealousy” is only going to aggrevate that chicken cordon bleu.
I only understood about 1/3 of that synop.
Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hasn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates.
Or the fact that she goes down on the first date – that hot little muggle’s a filthy whore.
I like how in the world of magic, boarding school is the absolute safest place you could send your children. Then again, Hogwarts doesn’t seem to have much of a teen pregnancy problem…
Any movie where old beardy tells the young boy that was fun, most people vomit the first time is O.K by me. Do tell me more about this grand adventure.
one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one.
He’s the sparkly 17-year old. You say anything bad about him and I’ll fucking shank you at recess, motherfucker.
one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one.
They call him Sanchez.
That synopsis makes me really excited for this motion picture.
I’m calling Fox tomorrow to pitch my new mystical tween drama, TwiPot. The only way it will make an ounce of sense is if you’re high as a fucking kite.
Anyone else getting this:
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /var/www/vhosts/filmdrunk.com/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/uproxx-wiki/uproxx-wiki.php on line 80
Yeah Al, should I not have laughed at that? I thought Vinny was telling us he doesn’t even know where to start on this one.
Teenage sorceresses always fall for “Prophylactic Prevaricatum”.
I guess Uproxx really does NOT like what he’s done with Line 80.
[With a loud crash the door flies open as a AR/AP hag runs through room her hair on fire with Crappy hot on her heals wielding a can of WD-40 and a Zippo. Right behind a subcon in a hathat gives chase, "I get that lien of purchase or me and my crew are walking off this bitch!" As all three enter the adjacent room a loud scream is heard followed by an immense explosion]
Harry makes my twihard.
Ginny: Jesus, Harry, where’d you learn to kiss?
Harry: The Dementors.
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /var/www/vhosts/filmdrunk.com/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/uproxx-wiki/uproxx-wiki.php on line 80
Uproxx, I wish I could quit you.
He is Uproxx. Your argument is invalid.
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /var/www/vhosts/filmdrunk.com/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/uproxx-wiki/uproxx-wiki.php on line 80
Damn, Uproxx gets all the way to line 80 before having problems? I can barely take three lines before I freak the hell out and my nose gushes blood like it’s been bitten by a Twihard. I think it’s time for an intervention.
I know this game. I’ll Magic the plugins, Crap on the Uproxx, and Quidditch the shit out of Filmdrunk.
Eric Roberts brutally murdered line 80.
Where’s Billy Bob when you need him? He may not know when he formed his own band, but I’m sure he could explain this.
Line 80 doesn’t think we’re very funny.
Line 80 says: Rap metal is totally exxxxxtreeeme OH WA AH AH AH = false.
Line 80 is taking a smoke break, so back the fuck off.
The invalid argument supplied in line 80 is that Rihanna had it coming.
The invalid argument on line 80 says that it would love to help you pick up around the house once his energy returns.
Line 80 is in the union so there’s really nothing we can do but wait.
The invalid argument in line 80 says that all killing is wrong, except the death penalty.
*supports the death penalty*
Line 80 doesn’t care how much Uproxx is paying him; it’s the principle.
The invalid argument in Line 80 is that it’ll be ok as long as he pulls out.
The invalid argument in line 80 told you that it’s ok to go out with your friends, but is mad at you for doing so.
The invalid argument in line 80 keeps bringing up things that it forgave you for whenever you two fight.
The invalid argument in line 80 is all about putting the damn toilet seat down.
Shit, you’re going to go home and then I’ll be all alone :(
The invalid argument in line 80 is mad at you because it wants you to be more like the guys in rom-coms, even though line 80 never dresses up like the girls from rom-coms anymore.
The invalid argument is that I was busy doing “research” all
dayweekmonth.The invalid argument in line 80 doesn’t get why you have to go out and play poker with the guys, but loves getting togethr for a bunco night with the girls.
The invalid argument in line 80 is “because I said so”.
The invalid argument in line 80 is that it’s absolutely impossible that it’s fart you’re smelling right now; line 80 simply doesn’t do that.
The invalid argument in line 80 is how you can completely dismantle and reassemble an engine but can’t figure out how to replace the roll of toilet paper.
Line 80 doesn’t mind that you made an ass of yourself at the bar last night.
The invalid argument in line 80 is that the dog really enjoys dressing up in those clothes.
Aaand I’m out. Line 80 wants me home as soon as possible. Later, ‘baters!
The invalid argument in line 80 blames the dog.
Oh shit, sorry dude
Line 80 thinks maybe you should lay off the porn tonight and give your dick a rest.
I don’t have a dick. That’s an invalid argument.
Is an invalid argument what that guy in the wheelchair was yelling at me?
The invalid argument in line 80 says it feels good the old-fashioned way, why trying to do it in there?
The invalid argument in line 80 lured you in with fabulous blowjobs but now thinks they’re icky.
Invalids can’t be picky so they should be grateful for any kind of fuck that is thrown their way.
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /var/www/vhosts/filmdrunk.com/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/uproxx-wiki/uproxx-wiki.php on line 80
Is Nic Cage’s hair on the loose in here, cuz I’m seeing invalid arguments all over the place.
When transalted, Line 80 actually reads:
“You sure you want to post that link, dude? The one over there? Okay, man, it’s your blog… [rolleyes]“
*SPOILER*
Dumbledore dies on Line 80.
*/SPOILER*
And Ron fucks his corpse on Lines 85 through 110.
(I’m not reading through 58 posts to find out so if this has already been said so tough shit.)
Gary Busey wrote line 80.
I did 80 lines
…………./
@Guy Who: I don’t think you fully appreciate the invalid argument currently residing on line 80.
Al: it’s true. I’m an ingrate :(