04.09.09 MAGIC AND QUIDDITCH AND CRAP
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has a new trailer out, and my brain would melt if I even attempted to make sense of the plot. Here’s the official rundown:
Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself increasingly drawn to Ginny, and so is Dean Thomas. Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hasn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates. Then there’s Hermione, simmering with jealousy but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead, and Hogwarts may never be the same again.
I got all the way to “Voldemort is tightening his grip on the Muggle” before I thought of a sex joke. You? I don’t blame Voldemort. My grip would be tight too if I was hanging out with Hermione. Even if she does have a bit of a hairy pooter. Sorry, it’s just that I’m lazy and these jokes are really easy.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/lost-chick-lipbite-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/bitchslap-3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/wolfman-international-poste-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/jeffbridges-crazyheart-blak-150x150.jpg)
There are 62 comments about:
MAGIC AND QUIDDITCH AND CRAP
Fangsters?
The prince is half blood, half crip. He’s undecided.
Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses
Turns out he gets really angry when you play “Got your nose” with him.
“Simmering with jealousy” is only going to aggrevate that chicken cordon bleu.
I only understood about 1/3 of that synop.
Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hasn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates.
Or the fact that she goes down on the first date - that hot little muggle’s a filthy whore.
I like how in the world of magic, boarding school is the absolute safest place you could send your children. Then again, Hogwarts doesn’t seem to have much of a teen pregnancy problem…
Any movie where old beardy tells the young boy that was fun, most people vomit the first time is O.K by me. Do tell me more about this grand adventure.
one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one.
He’s the sparkly 17-year old. You say anything bad about him and I’ll fucking shank you at recess, motherfucker.
one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one.
They call him Sanchez.
That synopsis makes me really excited for this motion picture.
I’m calling Fox tomorrow to pitch my new mystical tween drama, TwiPot. The only way it will make an ounce of sense is if you’re high as a fucking kite.
Anyone else getting this:
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Yeah Al, should I not have laughed at that? I thought Vinny was telling us he doesn’t even know where to start on this one.
Teenage sorceresses always fall for “Prophylactic Prevaricatum”.
I guess Uproxx really does NOT like what he’s done with Line 80.
[With a loud crash the door flies open as a AR/AP hag runs through room her hair on fire with Crappy hot on her heals wielding a can of WD-40 and a Zippo. Right behind a subcon in a hathat gives chase, "I get that lien of purchase or me and my crew are walking off this bitch!" As all three enter the adjacent room a loud scream is heard followed by an immense explosion]
Harry makes my twihard.
Ginny: Jesus, Harry, where’d you learn to kiss?
Harry: The Dementors.
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Uproxx, I wish I could quit you.
He is Uproxx. Your argument is invalid.
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Damn, Uproxx gets all the way to line 80 before having problems? I can barely take three lines before I freak the hell out and my nose gushes blood like it’s been bitten by a Twihard. I think it’s time for an intervention.
I know this game. I’ll Magic the plugins, Crap on the Uproxx, and Quidditch the shit out of Filmdrunk.
Eric Roberts brutally murdered line 80.
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