Folks, sometimes we here at FilmDrunk like to take a time out from movie news to ponder the big questions. Questions like, “Who’s better at fighting bears, Walker Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris) or Hercules (Lou Ferrigno)?”
Hercules seems to be a clear winner, on account of him beating up the bear and throwing it into outer space (though the bear’s ghost does growl menacingly at us). Meanwhile, Walker defeats his bear simply by looking into his soul, like some kind of pacificist, new-age pussy. What’s up, Chuck? I thought you were a Republican. Or maybe I switched on Walker Canadian Mountie by mistake? If so, my bad.
*mouths “PUSSY”*
[via HolyTaco]
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You scream his name all you want friend. Herculeeeeeeez can’t hear you.
Looks like Hercules has had about enough of Fozzie’s jokes.
Apparently ancient Rome didn’t have a local branch of PETA.
Yo, Vince…how about John Candy versus the bear in The Great Outdoors…now I know its the least funny of the three but should be up for consideration.
Say hi to Gonzo’s family, bear. Wakka wakka wakka.
HERCULES CLIP – And that’s…how rugs are made.
I think the bear backed off from Walker as soon as he got a good look at his wooly face. The look in the bear’s eyes is clearly “Dad?”
It’s all downhill for this bear from now on. He’ll be growling at some people and thinking, “I remember when I used to growl at people from OUTER GOD DAMN SPACE!”
/obscure Dana Gould reference
Shit. You think the bear got it bad? Hercules skull-fucked the gorilla that killed his mother.
I prefer Grizzly Adams’ more loving approach to bears. I like bears. I am going to google me some bears.
HERCULES CLIP – I always wondered how Chewbacca met up with Han Solo.
For most, having a cross to bear is a burden. For Hercules, it’s a boxing move.
BEAR in CHUCK NORRIS CLIP: Oh shit! Sorry Walker man. Thought you was that fool Jimmy Walker no-wum-sayin’ yo? Tell dat nigga I’m looking for his shucking and jiving ass.
Where the fuck is Hercules now that Gooby is threatening our children?
BEARS… IN… SPAAAAACE…
Somebody please cut that with a scene from Superman 2 so it looks like he threw that bear into the Phantom Zone.
“Where the fuck is Hercules now that Gooby is threatening our children?”
*goes to urbandictionary.com*
Thick vaginal secretions are threatening our children???
Hope Herc didn’t leave a little ursus major in his pants with that toss.
Space…the final frontier…for bears that have been thrown there by hercules.
This is the same way the Virgo constellation was formed too.
Prudish bitch…
Hercules was too late to save Mr. Ranger from Yogi’s onslaught.
That bear was only two days from retirement.
Gary Busey fucked a bear into well-done burger patties.
He Chuck. If a bear asks you to “hug it out bitch”, just say no.
Damn the series finale of The Berenstain Bears was brutal.
This post gave me an Ursa Major (boner).
I thought Lou Ferrigno WAS a bear.
Give it up Hercules. No matter what you do for Zeus, he’ll never give you your hearing back.
Gawdammit, now I’m Craigslisting for bears. Going to be another dreadful Easter.
(Obscure THE EDGE movie reference)
Anthony Hopkins: Now that’s how you kill the mothafucker.
Last night I threw a bear into space…docking position.
You guys know you can date Bears on-line?