This new trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper plays like a mashup of everything I hate in the world, which I guess makes sense since it’s a Fox movie. They’re apparently trying to sell us Hayden whatserface as a sex symbol in a movie that looks like it came from the cutting room floor of the fifth direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel.
Remember when we were kids and the heroes of high school movies were cool? Remember how Ferris Bueller was funny and smart and had a hot girlfriend and everyone liked him, and Marty McFly beat up bullies and shredded on guitar? Now all kids have to look up to are pussy emo vampires, underground MMA fighters with armband tats, and awkward, hateful nerds who make lame jokes and reference movies that came out before they were born. And when did all the guys become passive twats and all the girls desperate sluts? I swear to God, one of these days I’m gonna drive down to Fox and wedgie everyone who walks in the building. Soon as I find my pants.
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After you wedgie them, I’ma braining them with Grond.
You know what would be cool?
MONSTER SQUAD 2!
Unfortunately, Beth Cooper loves Philip Morris, who loves you, Man.
I swear to God, one of these days I’m gonna drive down to Fox and wedgie everyone who walks in the building.
One more advantage of being a paraplegic…
Shave the cheerleader, show the world.
This looks like Weird Science part II except the chick isn’t really that hot this time and she’s built like a football player.
If “hot” or “something” are my only options, I’ll have to go with the latter.
More like Hayden Planetaryan.
I guess its appropriate though because faggedy ass emo pussies are into manly chicks. I know I am.
I’d punch a hole through this chick’s face to get a shot at Kristen Bell.
Of course, it helps that Bell is a Red Wings fan.
At least they haven’t lost the part about how ROTC members are dangerously emotionally imbalanced neanderthals.
You have no idea how
hardhappy it makes me to see someone else calling her “Hayden Planetarium.” Maybe she’ll finally understand all those “I want to stare at Uranus” notes I’ve been leaving on her windshield.There is only one way for me to decide if I like her; depends on if she thinks queefs are funny. If yes, perky and adorable. If no, fuck her, fuck her in the ass with a BBQ propane tank.
and awkward, hateful nerds who make lame jokes and reference movies that came out before they were born.
May I please introduce you to the kettle?
BOOSH!
Strange to think that the shortest path to Hayden’s peter pocket is to be a thirty year old with Bell’s palsey.
BOOSH!
You can all fuck right off.
Lane, I know this is awkward – me being a cartoon and all – but I was wondering if you’d mind if I took out Beth?
Second da BOOSH!
I’d rather see her in a movie that looks like it came off the cutting room floor of VaLince’s old job.
And YOU can fuck left off!
For the record, I’ve always been a passive twat.
Hey! I may be an awkward, hate-filled nerd who makes bad movie references, but – wait, what was that other thing you said?
That was an amuse boosh.
You have thumbs the size of a porn star’s cock?
Hey! I may be an awkward, hate-filled nerd who makes bad movie references, but – wait, what was that other thing you said?
Do you know how long I wrestled with the concept of forever throwing my chances for COTW vs. making that joke?
It was at least 45 seconds… I didn’t want to wait too long and have someone else jump on it.
I can’t wait for the porn version with the title rip off, I love you, Beth’s Pooper.
And a cock the size of a pornstar’s thumb, strangely enough.
Ain’t mother nature a bitch?
Say what you want about the Disney Corp (I’m looking at you, Matt & Trey), but they have some fine taste in underage girls. I can’t remember the last female Disney Channel child star that I didn’t want to put a countdown clock on her 18th birthday… Zac Efron, maybe?
Seriously, I will suck dick sized thumbs or thumb sized dicks/clicks if one of you will call in a bomb threat to my office RIGHT NOW.
I dunno, man, Hayden looks like a stumpy, flat-chested moonface to me, I don’t really see the appeal. I mean, if she had actual stumps, I could see…
Stoney, I threaten to rape Lince’s earhole and still get the occasional nod. Then again, I am fairly certain he is just enough afraid that I would be able to find him if I wanted to.
Yeah, I probably could. Scary, huh, Lince? First you are laying next to your inflatable doll in bed, then BAM! Crash course in Magic: The Gathering!
“Hello? Yes, this is, um, Richard Tucker… Don’t be alarmed, but there is a Klingon in your accounting department, and he’s going to kill everyone.”
tangent
I am always impressed by Matt, Trey, and the staff at South Park. To story board, write, score, animate, post, and air their show last Wed, about the SEAL’s plinking off those pirates that happened 10 days earlier… [slow clap]
/tangent
Off topic: I have my Lord of the Rings Online friends saying “Dor sho gha!” now, too. QAPLAH!
…
Shut up, I do too have friends! INTERNET FRIENDS!
We’ll just fucking see how brave Miss California is to Faux News when He has her renouncing her god at fucking
batlethknife point!Dor sho gha! Wrong forum! BRB!
“www.highlights.com”…
New up