Despite my repeated assertions that even for a piece of sh-t it’s a piece of sh-t, 4 Fast 4 Furious grossed $72.5 million this weekend.  It was the biggest opening of ’09, destroying the previous biggest, Monsters vs. Aliens ($58.2m) and Watchmen ($55.7), and broke the record for biggest April opening ever (though I’ve heard your aunt April is also rather loose). Now, I’ve said many times that only idiots could love Fast and Furious, and, as evidence, I’d like to share with you a comment a 4 Fast 4 Furious fan left on my weekend preview post:

barrel_racing2345 says: i think to make the next movie of the fast and furious more exciting is too make vin disels character start dating anther girl but (her knowing that actually lenny is alive) and the one who got shot is the one hitting on vin’s character…but more driving action and drama and a race to keep lenny alive but the race to death for the chick that lost her husband when lenny was actually was suppost to be shot….that way lenny can come back i miss her she needs to come back!!!!

*kisses fingertips* Mmm, now that’s some tasty stupid. It tells you all you really need to know about these movies that someone who’s a big enough fan to speculate on the plot of the next one could still think Michelle Rodriguez’s character (Letty) is named “Lenny.”  Though I think I actually prefer “Lenny.”  Maybe Vin Diesel could win her over by promising to live off the fat of the land. 

That’s right, just kneel here in front of me on this river bank, barrel_racing2345, and I’ll tell you aaaall about 5 Fast 5 Furious.  It’s just like you’ve always wanted – Vin and Letty are finally gonna get together!  It’ll be the most beautiful wedding you ever saw. *aims pistol at back of skull*  They’ll be standing together up there on the altar, looking gorgeous and tough and street… Then Paul Walker will pull up in a huuuuge, shiny limousine – with NoS, and ground effects, and chrome rims, and decals, and a huuuuge spoiler – covered in metallic flake paint…

Anyway, here’s the full top ten based on Friday-Sunday estimates:

  1. Fast and Furious, $72.5 million
  2. Monsters vs. Aliens, $33.5 million
  3. The Haunting in Connecticut, $9.6 million
  4. Knowing, $8.1 million
  5. I Love You, Man, $7.9 million
  6. Adventureland, $6 million
  7. Duplicity, $4.3 million
  8. Race to Witch Mountain, $3.4 million
  9. 12 Rounds, $2.3 million
  10. Sunshine Cleaning, $1.9 million

It would’ve been nice to see Adventureland do a little better than sixth, but keep in mind the budget was less than $10 million.  Meanwhile, Monsters Vs. Aliens still has ground to cover to earn back its $175 million (cumulative take so far is $105.7 mil), and it’s looking like Watchmen ($105 mil) won’t make back its $120 – 150 million dollar budget.  But on the plus side, I’m doing great, thanks for asking!

[via e!online and variety]