This is the trailer for Dolph Lundgren starrer Direct Contact, something I’m discouraged from having with my ex-girlfriend by a series of increasingly draconian court rulings but I digress. The funniest part about it isn’t the chrome-on-3D-lettering studio logo at the :16 mark. Nor is it the bad Russian accents, the number of times Dolph uses an open-hand slap, the rape-y interactions with his co-star, or even his Stallone-on-quaaludes delivery. No, the funniest part about Direct Contact is that it was made in 2009 and not 1991. In fact, you might wanna throw on your Oakleys before you watch it. It’s so grunge, it’ll blow the graffiti off your JNCO pants.
[via QuietEarth, thanks to RoboPanda]
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Wait . . . so do I have to get my old JNCO’s out of storage? Because they are waaaaaayyyyyy back there behind the Hammer Pants and my British Knights sneaks.
So the alien turns out to look just like his father, whom he strangles to death, right?
Dolph does everything with a porpoise.
I kinda’ like Dolph’s Anthony Michael Hall vibe these days. More bottom-y.
*rolls both legs of acid washed Guess jeans tightly around ankles, spritzes Obsession cologne onto white turtleneck and black sweater*
I’m here for the ’90′s gangbang.
Nerds won’t get this movie.
The graphic novel was way better, as it featured much more MMA and rap metal.
Coming into this movie is not recommended for women who may be nursing or pregnant, those with heart conditions, children, or the elderly.
The kid-friendly remake of this, ‘I’m Not Touching You’ will be on The N later this fall.
“I must breakdance you.”
This movie’s tagline should have been…”Playing on Chinatown Buses the Summer of 2009!”
Speaking of the 1990s, the chick in this reminds me for all the world of Daphne Zuniga. Which one of your basements did she disappear into?
Yet another awful film.
FANGSTERS!
“Are we having fun yet?”
If by fun you mean a stroke, then yes, i’m having a big fun.
Daphne is currently my captive. I just like to come home from work, take her blindfold off and say, “What’s up, my Zunigga’?
This looks way better than Steven Seagal’s last 15 movies.
I can confirm GPP’s claim. I was there the other day. She asked me to untie her, I was all like “Zuniga, please!”
I saw Dolph at my favorite bar in Vancouver a few months back and the guy has an uncanny ability to dodge photographs. I must’ve taken 10 pics of my friends trying to get him in the background, but nada.
Great Bruce Greenwood-style hair though.