04.23.09 BRITISH OGRES DRESS LIKE SHREK FOR WEDDING

I bet he did it to fuck the ears.

[this town name is a joke, right? Like Dicknipple, Iowa or Moosjaw, Sasketchawan?]

Moose Factory, Ontario is the new Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. The mayor’s name? Glad you asked. Ray Cool. I shit you not. Ray Monkey-Fighting Cool.

Christine was called MooseJaw in High School.

Incidentally, when their son’s schoolmates hear about this wedding his name will be BrokeJaw.

The new Mrs Green, a hospice nurse

Before news of this wedding was made public, she was a regular nurse.

That wedding was boooooooring.

The reception was ok though.

Krzysztof Soszynski was named in an unfortunate accident at the Scrabble Tile factory.

You finally mention Iowa, and it has to be in this context? WOULD IT KILL YOU TO WAIT FOR A KLAN POST????

As an American teacher of British literature, I am ideally qualified to judge the English by our standards and point out what’s wrong with them; in other words, I guaran-goddamn-tee you that someone at that wedding said “Ogre-acious”…and that class, is why they needed us to win WWII.

I tried to convince my teenage son to dress up as the Donkey but he wasn’t having any of it.

Perhaps it was a bit mean calling him Puss in Boots during the toast, she mused.

When reached for comment, the son who refused to wear the donkey costume had this to say:

“Oy, da Stafe ‘ear. Ain’t no bloo’ee way oi’s puttin on no bloo’ee donkey geh’up, ain’t it? I di’int even want’a wear a fockin’ shir’ to me ol’ladie’s weddin. Eva since she leff me dad, she’s been a li’el crazy. Da ol’bag’s ‘appy now, so bless’er ‘art.”

The best man’s nose got longer and longer the more questions people asked about the bachelor party.

“I’m like an onion.”
“You have layers?”
“No, I’m uncircumsized.”

That sounded so much funnier in my head.

I must say the teeth were done particularly well.

its better than the other wedding idea where they dress up as characters from “the crying game” and she go’s home and fucks her new husband with her secret cock

This reminds me of my first wedding, only instead of dressing like Shrek and Fiona, I wore a tux and my ex wife dressed like a lying whore.

Thanks a lot, stoney, I can only use the “dispatch sent me that funny email” so many times before the shift supervisor wonders why I am laughing at my desk!

She publicly calls him an ogre and paints him green for their wedding? Holy shit doormat, grow some balls.

“You want to skin me and hang me from a meat hook while you have sex with my brother? Seems a bit strange, but yeah ok.”

Hey! I was best man at this wedding, only i went as Captain Kirk and fucked both of these bitches.

British courtesy is only second to Canadian courtesy, Al. Kind of like their ability to be America’s bitch.

*Waves American flag and swigs a Budweiser.

*Spits out the beer and realizes he doesn’t drink

dammit, I thought that said ironic coincidence applause.

During the Honeymoon, she was known as “Lord Farqueef”.

*runs in from corner to mop up spit out Budweiser with shirt*

Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you need to be wasteful, Stoney.

Q:How many Krzysztof Soszynski’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:As much as it takes to rotate the house around the bulb.