Keith Green, 44, and Christine England, 40, recently hired a professional make-up artist to help them walk down the aisle as Shrek and Fiona. Wait, two Brits dressed like Shrek were named Green and England? (*ironic coincidence prolapse*)
Green his bride were covered in green paint and full costume and wigs and married in front of 100 guests also dressed as characters from the film, including the Donkey and the Gingerbread Man.
The new Mrs Green, a hospice nurse, of Barnstaple, Devon [this town name is a joke, right? Like Dicknipple, Iowa or Moosejaw, Sasketchawan?], said: “The idea just came to me. I knew what we would go as them because Keith looks just like Shrek. I tried to convince my teenage son to dress up as the Donkey but he wasn’t having any of it.”
Mr Green, a builder, said: “It was a very strange experience to say the least, but a thoroughly enjoyable one. We love the films and my wife tells me I have resemblance to Shrek.” [Telegraph]
The wife seems to be the only one into this idea, while the husband is just trying to get used to shrugging and not having an opinion. “Hmm, so you’re saying I look like a big, green ogre… thanks? Do we still get to bone later?” I’ll agree, he is vaguely ogrish, but he’s nothing compared to Ultimate fighter Krzysztof Soszynski. Krzysztof is number one in the world at looking like Shrek.




I bet he did it to fuck the ears.
[this town name is a joke, right? Like Dicknipple, Iowa or Moosjaw, Sasketchawan?]
Moose Factory, Ontario is the new Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. The mayor’s name? Glad you asked. Ray Cool. I shit you not. Ray Monkey-Fighting Cool.
Christine was called MooseJaw in High School.
Incidentally, when their son’s schoolmates hear about this wedding his name will be BrokeJaw.
The new Mrs Green, a hospice nurse
Before news of this wedding was made public, she was a regular nurse.
That wedding was boooooooring.
The reception was ok though.
Krzysztof Soszynski was named in an unfortunate accident at the Scrabble Tile factory.
You finally mention Iowa, and it has to be in this context? WOULD IT KILL YOU TO WAIT FOR A KLAN POST????
As an American teacher of British literature, I am ideally qualified to judge the English by our standards and point out what’s wrong with them; in other words, I guaran-goddamn-tee you that someone at that wedding said “Ogre-acious”…and that class, is why they needed us to win WWII.
I tried to convince my teenage son to dress up as the Donkey but he wasn’t having any of it.
Perhaps it was a bit mean calling him Puss in Boots during the toast, she mused.
When reached for comment, the son who refused to wear the donkey costume had this to say:
“Oy, da Stafe ‘ear. Ain’t no bloo’ee way oi’s puttin on no bloo’ee donkey geh’up, ain’t it? I di’int even want’a wear a fockin’ shir’ to me ol’ladie’s weddin. Eva since she leff me dad, she’s been a li’el crazy. Da ol’bag’s ‘appy now, so bless’er ‘art.”
The best man’s nose got longer and longer the more questions people asked about the bachelor party.
“I’m like an onion.”
“You have layers?”
“No, I’m uncircumsized.”
That sounded so much funnier in my head.
I must say the teeth were done particularly well.
its better than the other wedding idea where they dress up as characters from “the crying game” and she go’s home and fucks her new husband with her secret cock
This reminds me of my first wedding, only instead of dressing like Shrek and Fiona, I wore a tux and my ex wife dressed like a lying whore.
Thanks a lot, stoney, I can only use the “dispatch sent me that funny email” so many times before the shift supervisor wonders why I am laughing at my desk!
She publicly calls him an ogre and paints him green for their wedding? Holy shit doormat, grow some balls.
“You want to skin me and hang me from a meat hook while you have sex with my brother? Seems a bit strange, but yeah ok.”
Hey! I was best man at this wedding, only i went as Captain Kirk and fucked both of these bitches.
British courtesy is only second to Canadian courtesy, Al. Kind of like their ability to be America’s bitch.
*Waves American flag and swigs a Budweiser.
*Spits out the beer and realizes he doesn’t drink
dammit, I thought that said ironic coincidence applause.
During the Honeymoon, she was known as “Lord Farqueef”.
*runs in from corner to mop up spit out Budweiser with shirt*
Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you need to be wasteful, Stoney.
Q:How many Krzysztof Soszynski’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:As much as it takes to rotate the house around the bulb.
Are you all under the erroneous impression that we’re all polite up here for no other reason than we don’t go around shooting at each other all day long? You might not want to start comparisons, Stoney. Not today.
**steps back in from ledge, pops another ativan**
And just for that, one of you has to help me.
Is the “B” in “Btu” supposed to be capitalized?
*Shoots at Al, takes a bite of a Red Robin royal burger*
EAT MY ASS YOU FUCKING
TROLLOGRE!I believe it is “Btu,” Al, based on a quick Google search for air conditioner specs. You can thank me with a quick peek at your Joules.
Only if you can successfully calculate and then navigate the distance between us in kilometers.
Without Laughter has a post dedicated to camel toe.
He forshaks you not.
3,258.92…3…4…STOP MOVING!
This reminds me…
Who’s got the Piss ‘n Boots?
Anybody else have a deep seeded fear that when they are pooping they’ll hickup and it will get sucked back in?…
Yo!
*fills boot with piss, slides down the bar to Pauly*
Enjoy, I had asparagus last night!
Oh, and Al, 3,257.01 and counting.
Leave Al alone!!!!! I will cut a bitch!
Donk, if you’re gonna walk that slow, I’ll see you around Christmas.
PS watch out for horny moose in the Rockies in the winter.
Serioiusly though, did Poland run out of vowels?
Maybe if we weren’t hogging all the extra U’s AND I’s…
Fuck Mike. Why isn’t today over yet.
Oh, and no shout out for trying to protect my friend from the North?
YES! my Amazonian Texan, that was rude of me.
** blows kisses :) **
Also, Vance, for fuck sakes I know you had to look those towns up so how the hell did the spelling go so awry:
Moosejaw, Saskatchewan
Maybe her son could have been convinced to dress as . . . a Cool Mule! [*record scratch*][urban dance crew enters]
Wait–she already has a teenage son? Perhaps she didn’t want to reuse the lying whore dress from her first wedding.
/Oh I’ll steal a joke
I use to know a girl named “Moosejaw”
I know a girl named “MooseKnuckle” …
But if you buy her an ice cream, she’ll let you call her “MooseMaw”.
*shudder*
“Moosejaw” Mancini was her name. Last I heard of that girl, she had a kid and didn’t know who the Dad was. So she just named him Vin…
Nevermind.
wait Priness Fiona stays an ogre forever?
where’s the fuckin’ spoiler tag asshole!