AMAZING: ‘TOMMY AND THE COOL MULE’
04.21.09In TOMMY AND THE COOL MULE, Tommy’s DAD goes off to IRAQ, leaving TOMMY and his MOM to defend the FAMILY FARM from a GREEDY DEVELOPER played by KEVIN SORBO. But if he WANTS to be the MAN OF THE HOUSE, Tommy is going to have to WIN the BIG RACE…. (*RECORD SCRATCH*) on a mule! A cool mule, to be exact. Voiced by Ice-T.
I. Cannot. Believe. This. Is. A. Real. Movie. Seriously, this has to be from the same people who made Nachos the Cross-Eyed Cat, right? I would love to have been a fly on the wall when they were making the Cool Mule’s costume.
“Hmm, the bling necklace doesn’t fit over the mule’s head. I’m gonna have to go get a longer chain.”
“What? We’re burning daylight here! Screw it, just put the necklace over his face. There. I think it looks… cooler like that way, doesn’t it?”
“Whatever.”
[Source - thanks to Jake for the tip]
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That looks like 40 acres of suck.
I just want to let everybody know that donkeys and mules are not the same thing.
Also, haha, Ice-T is voicing a sterile animal.
The last movie I saw about a cool mule was Maria Full of Grace. This probably won’t be as funny.
If he was really cool they’d call him Mule Brynner.
“They may take our farm, but they will never KICK. OUR. ASS!”
Neighers With Attitude?
Later, he gets shipped off to China where he runs away from home and pretends to be a horse to defend his people from Mongols.
Mule-an
Does this Mule sing “Crop Killer”?
So, the kid is riding a Mexican voiced by Ice-T with 20 condoms full of tar heroine up his ass… sounds pretty tits to me.
i always thought ice-t was an ass
Fuck, Max’s dick must be huge, I stepped on that fucker 5 minutes late.
Actually, I was looking up the info on IMdb, this is made by a dude named Andrew Stevens, you wanna laugh, and get an inkling of how bad this will be? Check out his ographies.
William S. Burro would be a good name for a mule that does a lot of heroin.
I dunno. I had to endure the Lord of the Rings trilogy. This doesn’t sound that bad.
*hangs self*
The mule is cool because he plows through so much ass.
“New Jack Ass City”
This mule is baller. Chewing on some oats and bangin’ fine jennies, dawg.
Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETa, just threw up a soy latte onto her soybean bacon wrapped tofu filet mignon.
They should have Carlos Mencia voice him and call him “Si, Biscuit.”
*punches self in the groin”
Then lezed out with Teri Hatcher.
This is why kids are retarded, this right here.
This is stupid, where’s that Mule’s Scarface poster?
That banner pic is from MTV’s Pimp my Manger episode where Cool Mule looses his shit because, “That ain’t Teak wood! What fucking bitch gonna suck a dick cuz my shit’s got Alder wood up in it?”
Yep, that Johan Franzen is P.I.M.P.
-o
Hey, if an Iraqi war orphan is going to have a surrogate father, it might as well be something the mother’s not gonna fuck while dad’s away, right?
Or is it?
Is that Demitri Martin in blackface?
One of the animals playing the mule was dismissed in an argument over a coupla bucks.
Cool Mule is to Babe as; getting gang raped by the cast of Cats and beaten to death with socks full of shit is to, smoking weed on the beach.
I for one would like to see more black films acted out by talking barnyard animals, starting with Spike Lee movies.
“Ewe The Right Thing”
“Summer Of Sam, The Cow Who Thought He Was A Duck”
“Moo Better Blues”
“Sheep Gotta Have It”
The Cool Mule’s love interest had better be a white poodle with a big fat ass or I’m calling shenanigans.
@hnWa–Big Fat Ass is the already-greenlit sequel. Possibly Big Fat 2ss.
I will only see this if they change the title to Donkey Hodey.
Ice-T? More like C U Latte.
‘sup my corner homies?
I read somewhere that a trainer has to stick a carrot up their ass to get them to move their mouths like that. I mean the actors, not the horse.
“She Hate Me-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee” starring Ossie Davis as a talking Goat.
And a big shout out from the barnyard to e-i-e-i-07
WOOOO! It’s a west coast afternoon! Don’t mind me I’m drunk.
Al’s barnyard friends get drunk on La-baaaatts.
His sassy black chicken friend gets all the cock.
Did you just call me sassy??
His extreme Bull friend is in the Metal Moolisha.
“Last Horse Stall In Brooklyn”
Are you black? Or are you chicken?
See? I told you that Leprechaun In The Hood was only a springboard for Ice T’s strategic jump into more challenging talking mule roles.
The mule finally convinces them that all that running shit is for suckas and they need to start cooking meth in the barn like proper white folk.
So, this white family keeps Ice-T in their barn to do menial tasks for no pay? They should’ve set this in the 1850s and called it Straight Outta Birmingham.
I keep confusing this with “Tommy and the Cool Mullet”, which was the project title of “Angels & Demons”.
This Mule rides a Donk
The only difference between a Black person and a Mule is that if you crack them with a bullwhip, they do as they’re told.
Wait….I don’t think that’s how that joke goes.
And introducing Grant Parker (Barker?) as defendent 23 in drug possesion trial #152, 2011.
let’s be honest: if don lafontaine had done the voiceover work, this would look about 20 times better.