As a professional movie blogger, I try to keep a level head and not geek out over the things that make me excited, like the Spike Jonze-directed, Dave Eggers-scripted adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are, the best children’s book ever written. But on the other hand, OMG OMG OMG! *desperately fans face with hand*
*passes out in giant drool puddle with nerd boner tent in sweatpants*
(added same trailer with a couple different players after the jump, if the one above doesn’t work. also available in HD at Apple)
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You’re a tease, dude–tags include Boners and Wild Things, yet no young Denise Richards lezzing it up in the trailer.
Inside all of us is Hope, with side order of change. And inside of some of us, Sickle Cell.
How do I tell my boss I need to run home and change my jizz-filled pants? Should I ask or just let the growing stain announce it for me?
When I was 8, the wild thing inside me was my uncle. Ironically, a big hairy guy who said “I didn’t want to wake you up but I’ve got something to show you.”
God, I can’t believe I said that. “Ironically” should be replaced by “Predictably.”
Inside all of us is Hope. When Hope gets inside me, I tell her I never agreed to a prostate tickle and she’d better knock it the fuck off.
They had me with I didn’t want to wake you up, but I really wanted to show you something. Just like Uncle Bill.
Ugh.
The only thing worse than this movie sucking would be Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg Present Where the Sidewalk Ends.
Looks like we found Vince’s tentpole movie.
The last thing that made me cum that hard was a Milf erotic talent show.
How do I tell the IT Nazis that I have some serious need to be able to stream videos while at work?
No, I just had something in my eye. Shut up.
I’ll just run the mental movie I made as a child when reading this as a child… [eyes roll back into head, wipe fade ala Star Wars...]
No Daddy! Not the belt sander! I didn’t see that last dog turd! You drink cuz I cry so I’ll stop crying I swear!
[fade in to eye rolling back]
Whoa, wrong trailer.
Monster I’d Like to Fuck of course
Crappy, when did you see the trailer for Bloodsport 2?
The Neverending Story wants its homobestialeroticism back.
Michael Bay’s company has already ordered a reboot. In his version, the little boy will be played by Rachel Bilson, and she’ll be a streetwise high school transfer to suburban Topeka. One day, while out driving her custom GTO, she comes across a secret government facility that has been creating mutant warriors in a plot to take over the world. With the help of nerdy computer geek Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his hip and sarcastic ethnic friend Corbin Blue, they rescue the mutants and take off on a very… explosive adventure.
Am I the only one who hasn’t read this GD book? When I was a kid we didn’t have books, we told stories with pictures we etched on the walls.
That’s because you’re old, Al.
Because in Canada, this book is called “Canada.”
And yet still no screen adaptation of “No Jumping on the Bed”? The script practically writes itself!
C’mon now guys, no making fun of Al just for being Candianian. It’s not her fault, and besides that they make pretty good syrup up there.
Like really good syrup.
Like when you’re all high and shit from what you keep in the box . . . you know . . .
Encyclopedia Brown starring Chris Brown is also up for grabs Hollywood. Lock that shit up!
Gwyneth Paltrow’s head?
Animal crackers?
My dick?
Fox in socks?
No, you’re not the only one Al.
As much as that kid runs around in that dirty furry costume you know it has to smell like the underside of a hobo’s nutsack.
@Nezzer
You sure not the overside of a hobo’s nutsack? No no no. You’re right. The underside. What was I thinking?
You know who’s not getting a box this year? Burnsy.
And I mean that in a couple ways.
Would the underside of a hobo’s nutsack smell sufficiently better or worse than the overside of a hobo’s nutsack?
Another burning question . . . how many times can we work hobo’s nutsack into this thread?
Hobo’s nutsack.
I wish they’d make an adaptation of my favorite childrens’ book. Well, at least it was my favorite before I got a marker and learned to spell. I don’t really want to see ‘Clifford the Big Red Dong’ come to theaters.
Hobo’s buttcrack?
@jokerswild
I’m not sure if you hobonutsack analysis properly brings up the gravity of hobonutsack situation as a whole…hobonutsack.
Michelle Owen would, Donk.
The 70′s blaxploitation version of this, Were Dem While Tings At? had all the glamour and ritz of The Wiz and all the violence and booty of Dolomite
BANNER PIC
Max reacted as most would when he realized that he was not the King of the Monsters but the King of Wiping Every Monster’s ass
Hobonutsack/
Hobonutsack/
Hobonutsack/
Ah a snake! A snake wooooo!/
Hobonutsack/
Hobonutsack/
Hobonutsack/
A mushroom! Ah a mushroom!
It’s nto my HTML skillz, it’s UPROOOOXXXX!!!!
Oh, and fuck maximizing site traffic with “Megan Fox Naked” I think erswi is onto something with the hobonutsack demo we could be drawing.
Thats it! I’ve had it!
I’m sick of these motherfucking hobonutsacks on this hobonutsack plane!!!!
Is a hobonutsack that thing that’s attached to a stick that they carry over their shoulder?
If Hobonutsack A hitched a hobonutsack train traveling at 74 mph at 11:53 and Hobonutsack B hitched a hobonutsack train traveling at 80 mph at the same spot at 12:41, at what time would it be when the hobonutsucks collided?
Spock:Live long and hobonutsack
John McClain: Yippekiya Hobonutsack!
Narrator or Tale of Two Cities: It was the best of hobonutsacks. It was the worst of hobonutsacks
Jesus…it works with everthing!!!!
*hobonutsacks
Fuck.
Chino, interesting fact. D’you know that song “Do Your Ears Hang Low”? (and being a mom, I have to guess you do)
Well when it says “can you throw ‘em over your shoulder, like a Continental soldier . . . ” apparently that’s a reference to the hobonutsackonastick that you asked about.
What do you do for recreation?
Oh the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional hobosnutsack.
When the hobonutsucks collide I’d have to guess it would be 69 o’clock.
* i’m still 13 on the inside
erswi, I like it.
Jesus: turn the other hobonutsack.
Blade: Some hobonutsacks always trying to iceskate uphill.
The hobonutsack is short on cashews. :(
His hobonutsack needs a bean refill.
A hobo nutsack on stick is a hobo’s bindle. I’ve sported a few.
Erswi, I taught that song to my kids but replace the word ‘ears’ with ‘boobs’.
Thank god this didn’t come out during the election but that H in Barack H. Obama isn’t for Hussein…yeah you got it right…Barack Hobonutsack Obama. His book was going to be called the Audacity of Hobonutsack but random house pulled it.
we’re gonna need a bigger hobonutsack
My favorite Brady Bunch episode was the one where they had the hobonutsack race in the backyard.
Baxter, you’re so wise. You’re like a miniature hobosnutsack, covered in hair.
it put the lotion on its skin or it gets the hobonutsacks again..
This site takes longer to load than a hobonutsack.
Mom always said life’s like a box of hobonutsacks…you never know what you’re gonna get
Mr. Dennit, with all due respect… I had no idea that you had an experimental surgery to have your hobonutsack removed.
I’m one hobonutsack short of a combination plate.
“where the wild things” are should be the name of a strip club
where motorhead play live and they only serve whiskey
This hobonutsack is full of Uproxx.
Ben Richards: Killian, here’s your hobosnutsack. Now just plain nutsack.
*chino sits on the ground at freeway offramp holding sign that says ‘will work for hobonutsacks’*
Anagram for hobonutsack:
Cab hooks nut
Uproxx is one hobonutsack short of a full deck.
The Audacity of Hobosnutsack?
Maximus to Commodus: “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the hobonutsacks of the North, General of the hobonutsack Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Hobonutsack Aurelius. Father to a murdered hobonutsack, husband to a murdered hobonutsack. And I will have my hobonutsack, in this hobonutsack or the next.”
I used to enjoy Mark Gastineau’s hobonutsack dance.
That hobonutsack really tied the room together.
See man, if you want to know what happened to hobonutsack . . . first you have to understand who hobonutsack was as a dog . . .
When the hobonutsacks collide is at gay o’clock.
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a hobonutsack!”
Wrong Robo! It’s a hobonutsack thirty.
Spike Lee’s hobonutsack is filled with Brazil nuts.
Man, this thing really got legs under it quick huh?
Feeling lucky, hobonutsack? Well, are ya?
MOM! THE HOBONUTSACKS! WE WANT IT!
Jesus on the cross, “Father, why hath thou hobonutsacked me?!”
From now on, when somebody sneezes, I’m saying, “Hobonutsack!”
Chino, you mean nigger-toes?
@joker
You know whats above a hobo’s legs….a hobonutsack
Jesus on the cross, “Peter, I can see your hobonutsack from here!”
I love the smell of hobo’s nutsack in the morning.
In the Year of Darkness, 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created ‘THE HOBONUTSACK’.
After all… I’m just a girl, standing in front of a hobo’s nutsack, asking him to love her…
Madden, “Poor Peyton Manning got hobonutsacked five time in that game. Brett Favre.”
Hobonutsack Nazi, “NO HOBONUTSACK FOR YOU!!”
Jack Bauer Narration: The following takes place between Hobonutsack and Hobonutsack
Brett Farve is a walking hobonutsack.
You had me at hobosnutsack.
Natasha Richardson went to the great hobonutsack in the sky.
New hobonutsack up.
Yoda, “Strong with the hobonutsack, this one is.”
the hobonutsack is the new move where you drag 3 days of unwashed nutsack across your partners* face.
i say “partners” as i dont wish to offend any faggots who might be reading this thread.
Roosevelt: The only hobonutsack you have to fear is, ho bo nutsack.
Hobonutsack-butter and fried banana sandwiches are Elvis’ favorite late night snack.
Of all the hobosnutsacks in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich hobonutsack.
Best way to get VaLince to quickly post up?
Run up 100+ totally unrelated and retarded comments!
[high fives and winks (according to rule #7 of the CJC all around]
The reason why the underside of a Hobonutsack smells worse is because the topside gets some air on whenever he pisses, also all hobos wipe back to front.
You’re unrelated and retarded…
I meant that in the nicest way possible.
Kinda late to the party, but:
With a hobonutsack in your mouth, you only speak in vowels.
Inside all of us is AAAAH COME ON FUCK A GUY