WELL THIS SURE LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE
03.04.09
After the jump, check out the new trailer for Pandorum.
“From the producers of the Resident Evil franchise, comes a new movie starring Dennis Quaid, [the criminally underrated] Ben Foster and Cam Gigandet. Christian Alvert is directing the terrifying story of a couple of astronauts that have no memory of their mission or even their identities, buit quickly find out they aren’t alone on their spaceship.” [horror-movies.ca]
What if you awoke… with no memory. What if the world you knew… was gone. What if you discovered… you were not alone…. ARRRRGGGGH, IT’S CAM GIGANDET! I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE AGREED TO THIS MOVIE! (I liked this better when it was called Event Horizon). (I hope that when the bad guys come, they NEVER BACK DOWN. Shut up, I was already leaving.)
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“I just want out of this thing!”
How did they get a sound clip of me on Saturday mornings?
Movies that are exactly like this but better:
Alien
Event Horizon
My home movies
Thank god, my cinema has a strict no-cam-policy. They even search your bags to make sure you don’t bring Cam into the theaters.
Well, ya had to do it…you had to mention Event Horizon…guess I’ll be sleeping UNDER your mom’s bed tonight…
Ben Foster is an overacting hack. There I said it. I think we both feel better now.
The only thing scarier than discovering you’re not alone in space is finding out you’re not alone in a racecar bed.
I liked this better when it was called Dead Space, System Shock, System Shock 2, Event Horizon, Alien, Supernova (which had the hottie vamp Dad from Twilight in it as the bad guy. I’m way too tired to list them all. In closing I would like to say…my ass.
BTW, Ben Foster freaked me the fuck out at Comicon when he was there for 3:10 to Yuma. He really does look exactly like he did in 30 Days of Night. That creepy, slothering hick…that’s not an act.
If I went into outer space and forgot who I was and why I was there, I’d assume I was either an astronaut or filthy rich, so either way it’d be cool.
No memory of how they got there and who they are? They are not alone? I think this could be the Blade Runner of illegal immigrant movies.
The real horror is they can’t find the space bathroom because of Pandorum’s labyrinth of a layout.
One thing astronauts will never learn… don’t explore the ship until you turn the fucking LIGHTS ON.
Wait a minute… Wait just a minute… is this a viral campaign for Innerspace II? Where’s Ashton? C’mon, where is he? LOL!
Houston to Pandorum: This is Clark Griswold, why have you jettisoned cargo bay NUMBER TWO?
Pandorum to Houston: Shitter’s full!
(Hey, fuck you! It’s the only Quaid joke I have!)
What if you awoke… with no memory
I’d carry about my day just like I do every Sunday.
What? I’m sure someone would tell me if I killed someone or something.
Don’t mind me, I’m feeling rather emphatic this morning.
This film is going to be critically pand.
It seems their mission was to discover the often theorized 5th dramatic theme: Man Vs. Shitty Used Story.
That sounds like the plot of Quaid’s marriage to Meg Ryan. Their spaceship was probably better decorated.
The spaceship is a metaphor for Pandora’s box; meaning, I hope the airlock gets blown and everything gets sucked out into outer space.
This will only be good if Quaid sets a piano on fire and plays it with his ass.
Dennis Quaid will never forget that he is a G.I. Joe and A REAL AMERICAN HEEERROOOOO. He’ll definitely try though.
These idiots have really opened a Pandorum’s box of shit here.
How come Randy Quaid isn’t in this?
Was the shitter full?
Three guys playing two astronauts and a mysterious third party. My guess? Ben Foster as the Leprechaun.
This may be the final nail in the coffin for a Seltzer-Friedberg “Space Movie”.
sorry about the dick there donk.. forgot to refresh…. here, lets me dust that off for you
If their mission doesn’t turn out to be distilling spirits from panda blood, I’m going to be so pissed.
New up, more dicks. Actually, fewer dicks.
It’s about damn time that they made a sequel to Enemy Mine.
*Banner pic created using Gary’s Mod.