03.04.09 WARNER TAKES THE DICKS OUT OF KEVIN SMITH

Warner takes teh dicks out of Kevin Smith

Well, you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t…uhh. Fuck, Sexman was right.

Smith should be used to this shit. Up here in the Great White North, Zack and Miri Make a Porno was marketed simply as Zack and Miri

Who the fuck are these people who don’t recognize double entendres and why are they running major companies?

How about “A Couple of Dick Cops”?

Speak for yourself, Rock. On the west coast, it wasn’t marketed at all.

I guess I’m going to have to rename my screenplay about cats that suddenly develop a taste for detectives.

I, for one, like the new clarity. Getting money from the Ass To Mouth machine has always made me uncomfortable.

“Hole in My Heart (That Can Only Be Filled By Dicks)” was the best Xtreme song ever.

You BC folk barely count… at least thats what these fucks here in Ontario tell me… of course, they said that I didn’t count when I moved here from the Maritimes either…

Fuckin Ontario

And also an accurate description of my high school girlfriend.

Banner pic:

Someone just told Kevin Smith the mic may be edible.

Does this mean that I have to stop calling the people in the Truth ads “fag-haters” ?

“It’s like there’s a hole in my heart where some dicks used to be…

…but it’s cool ‘cuz I just filled the fuck out of that 23-pound-turkey-sized hole in my stomach.

Warner Brothers executives think that Lesbian Vampire Killers is the greatest movie name ever.

Robb and Marc Cullen

I LOVE THEIR BROTHER EDWARD!!!

Can someone make a buddy comedy with Brian and Courtney and call it “A Couple of Cox?”

*erases title of story about a rooster who makes it big pitching in the majors before he loses command of the strike zone*

WB pulled a real boner changing that tile.

There goes my surefire Oscar-Winner about Dr. Mengele’s wife teaching a young prodigy how to play a flute made out of the hide of a dead Jew.

At first, I didn’t realize it was a double entendre either. I’m not that tight anymore.

Oh, and in keeping with the spirit of rants about Kevin Smith:

TAKE YOUR FUCKING COAT OFF! YOU’RE A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE! YOU DON’T NEED TO WEAR A MOTH-EATEN COAT FROM 1994 ANYMORE!!!!

A doorknob that thinks it’s a turkey? Anybody?

Gobblin’ Knob?

track down a stolen baseball card, rescue a Mexican beauty and must deal with gangsters and laundered drug money

That synopsis reads like they threw arrows at a Danny Trejo movie cliche board, except one of the four arrows went way off the mark and hit Marc Cullen’s 1993 Fleer collectors set.

How about the one where a Catholic holy man, well on his way to becoming a Cardinal is kidnapped by pirates and tortured with a cat-of-nine-tails?

Let me know if I’m going too fast for you.

Warner also made them change the baseball card to a Honus Wagner T-106 instead of a 1974 Dick Pole.

I can understand how they missed the double entendre. The WB Marketing Chief is named Richard Tucker. He’s never understood why everyone in his department talk like Jame Gumm when he’s around.

reminds me of the script i sold to Warner about a cat that was always afraid. It was called “Vagina”.

“It’s like there’s a hole in my heart where some dicks used to be,” he reportedly told friends.

TOO…MANY…RESPONSES…HEAD EXPLODING..

****boooom*****