FAKE TWILIGHT DELETED SCENE
03.30.09College Humor’s latest original video (watch it below) is a deleted scene from Twilight, in which Edward tries to convince Bella to do anal. I think I already made this joke a while ago (a couple times; I admit, it was kind of obvious). But credit where credit’s due: the execution here is spot on. Plus, I really like the word “buttsex.” It’s just fun to describe really vulgar things with non-vulgar words. Think about it: “throatf*cking” < “weinergagging”.
[via collegehumor]


Skullfucking < Socketknobbing
On a related note: when f-cking vampire chicks never go A2M.
A vampire chick wouldn’t fuck me cause I told her “I want to put my wood between your tits”.
No sound at work, but I’m going to assume she doesn’t try to use the excuse that she ate some garlic about eight hours ago.
Gun Rape < Bang Bang
Do vampires piss blood? I mean, I assume that if you drink blood, some sort of blood must be present in urine.
Say it, out loud say it
Anal
Are you afraid?
Yes…
Tentacle rape < Involuntary octopus-ether sex
Cunnilingus > Getting tongue tied at Fisherman’s warf.
Pedophilia < Baby-batin’
Pink Eye < Love At First Sight
Necrophilia < Dead Dongin’
I vant to fuck your butt…
Pedophilia < Smooth Criminal
Ear Sex < Aural Asphyxiation
Gaping < The Love Grotto
menstruation < brunch
Anal < Pokin’ the Brown Eye
Necrophilia < Loving Blacks
Wait, what?
Aural Sex > Meaty Q-Tip Cleaning
Makes sense. buttfuckin’ is bloody business.
Watching Van Helsing was the equivalent of getting anally plowed by an adolescent vampire. And by that I mean Stephen Sommers.
Necrophilia > Coldplay, despite what Gwinny Paltrow might think.
Bestiality < Heavy, heavy Petting
Nostril Nutshot > Nose Job
Boingin’ Barbie > Having sex with a doll
Two Girls One Cup Video < A Crap Trap
Horse Sex < Mr. Ed Head
It’s really all Vlad the Impaler was into.
Rapify < Tysonize
Incest < Family Ties
Incest < Recursive Relation
Not pulling out > Topping off
The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest should henceforth be known as The Weinergagging Contest.
Fuckin’ bitch won’t do anal? Time to “Sham-Wow” that ho, Eddie!
Not pulling out < Oops!
Donkey Punch > A Backdoor Eeyore
Double penetration < two dicks sword fighting in the same hole. Oh wait… I didn’t understand the rules.