In case you’re wondering what you’re looking at, that’s an actual character in Michael Bay’s Transformers sequel, a robot who walks with a cane. Because he’s old, you see. Topless Robot found some pictures of the toys from Transformers 2, and this one is Jetfire, who, as Micheal Bay told a French magazine, is…
“an old Transformer who loses screws and bolts at every move” and is voiced by John Turturro.
Wow. I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on here: Michael Bay is making an 80s sitcom. The Smiths were just your average suburban family. Until one day, they adopted a wise old robot, and their lives changed forever! He became part of the family – and their biggest secret! What if the government found out? What would the neighbors think? Remember the time he snuck out to give Junior advice on his first date? But through all the love and the laughter, he taught them that sometimes, it takes a giant transforming machine to show you what it means to be human. Grandformers, Thursdays, 7/6 central.
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Oldtimer robot needs three things to function: Windows ME, Werthers Originals, and distrust of the Jews.
Jetfire lives in an aviation museum and none of the other Transformers ever come visit him.
Yeah, that wasn’t very funny. FYIM.
He’s also adding a retarded robot with a helmet and leash. Its name is ROBOT!
I guess screwdrivers don’t exist in the future.
Can’t he just tighten his nuts or something?
*Jetfire walks in, looks at Bumblebee*
Didn’t you used to be a kraut?
*Jetfire looks out his back porch door*
GET OFF MY JUNKYARD!
That cane is about as useful as Sexman’s braces.
Jetfire’s landing gear hangs lower than ever and doesn’t retract anymore.
Jetfire has Old Glory Insurance.
This isn’t newsworthy. I know plenty of guys who screw and bolt.
Jetfire could try to keep up with Starscream, but not at those speeds.
Jetfire smells like a mixture of 80-90W oil and leaded gasoline.
It’s funny that it says “Mech Alive” on the box, because this is more like “Mech Hospice”.
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$27.48 says that Jetfire has a scene where he raps.
Jetfire just can’t reach the altitudes he used to. The engines are willing, but he just can’t get it up.
Old Transformers still complain about the Ford Administration
Jetfire: (To Optimus Prime), I remember you back when you were a box of parts, a set of instructions written in Japanese and an allen wrench. Don’t sass me, boy.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and Can’t Get Up
I’ve already pictured this for years since my grandpa has a treacheotomy.
Will the film’s version turn into a child rapist by any chance? just wondering.
So what’s he transform into again? One of those mobility scooters?
Jetfire is worn down and decrepit because he refuses to use any parts made by those yellow, dog eating bastards.
Jetfire reminds me of my grandfather.
The way he walks with a cane . . . the way he yells at the young whippersnappers . . . the way he chases young hybrid tail around the old parts house.
Later, Jetfire gets his own spinoff movie in which he transforms into a car instead of a jet: Bran Torino.
:::I think I just pulled something:::
Br0nze: he transforms into beige Buick Century with the left blinker always on.
I used to eat lightning and crap batteries. Now I eat oatmeal and crap every day at 3:00 on the dot.
This’ll work great for Mr. Bay’s shakey cam style.
Jetfire’s oil pan routinely overflows these days.
An SR-71 huh? Ironic that the geezer of the group changes into something that can’t hold it’s fluids.
Jetfire wears diapers made from EZ Covers.
I was looking for that joke somewhere, Stone. I was trying to work in an oil filter gag somewhere along those lines but failed, miserably.
Jetfire lost one of his wheels in a Vietnamese car pound.
Oh, it’s a plane? Well La-di-da…
All of Jetfire’s battles end with a rousing game of checkers.
Jetfire likes to sit in a rocket chair and watch the sunset, rocketing back and forth.
Jetfire is a little behind the times. He still won’t let anybody come near him with a monkey wrench.
Jetfire takes 8 hours to complete a round of golf.
Is there going to be a rapping, whippersnapper robot with a funky fresh backwards baseball cap and a skateboard?
Jetfire uses uses only 80 weight Gerit-oil.
Voiced by John Turturro? Wasn’t he already in Transformers as a human? God thats lazy. Even for Michael Bay.
*Rock Strongo’s office building blows up, Michael Bay laughs in the distance “That’ll teach you to call Me lazy! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”*
Jetfire transforms into a deep fryer at Cracker Barrel.
New up, Wild Things.
Jetfire aint old. He a pimp. He’s plowed more ass than Astrotrain, pounded more vag than Trailbreaker, and busted more nuts than Ratchet.
Does that cane become an erection in scenes with Megan Fox?
/makes autobot changing sound
chich-chich-chu-chich