TOM HANKS DOING NIC CAGE AGAIN
03.27.09
Last night during 30 Rock, NBC played an extended preview for Angels and Demons, the film the Catholic church is afraid of (mainly because the first one sucked). The knock on the first one, The Da Vinci Code, which was almost universally panned, was that it was all talk. Reviews from the San Jose Mercury – “it’s a thriller with a lot of explaining to do, which it does, endlessly, while we wait for an actual movie to break out,” and Variety – “An oppressively talky film,” were fairly representative of the whole. So naturally this time around Ron Howard and co learned from their mistakes. And by that I mean of course they didn’t, they filmed a 60 -second TV spot in which Tom Hanks explains the entire plot via voice over.
This summer, Tom Hanks is… THE EXPOSITOR.
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So when Ewan McGregor inevitably whips his cock out in this movie, will that make his priest character more believable or less so?
Tom Hanks and Nic Cage obviously took Rihanna’s side.
The New York Times says…”ZZZZZZZZZ”
The Washington Post says…”I haven’t gone through that much explanation since my wife caught me fucking her brother”
The San Francisco Chronical says “I hate God now. I hate him. Thanks Ron Howard.”
After reading the title, I remembered why I can’t stand Hollywood relationships. They’re on again, they’re off again, he’s cheating on him, but now they’re vacationing together in Barbados. Now I guess they’re back together. I wish they’d make up their minds.
So, the Vatican wants Tom Hanks to steal 60 cars in 24 hours ? I zoned out, it was a little talky.
After watching Ron Howard promo that trailer, I’m starting to think we’ve been too hard on Clint.
Hey, those movies are actually based on fact. I know because my grandfather was like a 9th degree Mason and he told me all about…brb someone is at my door…
So the Vatican killed them all and now they’re back for revenge? Oh, great, another zombie movie.
Did anyone notice that the more he does these movies, the faster his hairline is running away? Coincidence?
Meanwhile, I plan on reprising my role at the Cobb County sperm bank this summer as …THE DEPOSITOR.
Subtitled: Holy crap I need the cash, and an army of my seed wouldn’t be bad either.
No huge floor piano…
no want.
The voice-over narrating my life would get fed up and just tell me “Oh for fuck’s sake, go talk to a girl or something.”
Clint Howard will cameo as the Pope.
You couldn’t release this on Easter weekend ? You’re going to hell anyways, Baldy.
Hanks pissed his pants when he saw the Pope was only wearing one red shoe.
Bishop Carlo Ventresca, you’re our only hope.
That hairline has came a long way since Turner and Hooch
Ayelet Zurer will play Charlie Wilson’s Whore.
Ron pick up phone, calls Tom: Hey, Tom, Ron here. Hey I have a new project.
Tom: Hey the fuck what Opie? Whacha got for me?
R: It’s called Cock Gobbler It’s about a man making a chicken, turkey hybrid and Foster Farms secret agents trying to stop him from bringing it to the world.
T: Fuck a blender kid! I’m in! Where do I sign?
Is Father Guido Sarducci in this flick?
Now with the Father Guido Sarducci ? The dog milking the goat was wearing his hat.
New you up