THE NIC CAGE MOVIE PLOT GENERATOR
03.13.09
Here at FilmDrunk, we’ve been making fun of Nic Cage since before it was cool. Nonetheless I’d feel remiss if I didn’t direct your attention to Cracked‘s “Nic Cage Movie Plot Generator.” It’s pretty good, and I think it’d be just as easy to do a Jerry Bruckheimer plot generator.
1. Start with protagonist, who is:
A. A pirate
B. An archeologist
C. An oceanic treasure hunter
D. A kangaroo2. His life is going just fine until he discovers:
A. An ancient curse
B. A treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence
C. A plane filled with convicts
D. A straight-talking black guy3. Plot will resolve itself through:
A. A swordfight
B. A car chase
C. An upside-down pirate ship
D. Animals rapping4. Profit
5. Cocaine
[via Cracked -the rest of the article's pretty good too]
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/Nic-Cage-yearbook-150x150.jpg)
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Scientifically accurate details…
A. are completely irrelevant.
B. provide plot points that only make sense if you’ve recently attended your weekly retard fight club.
C. can go fuck themselves.
D. wait, what’s science?
The Real Star of your Movie:
A. John Travolta
B. John Malkovich
C. John Voight
D. A Bear Suit
MICHEAL BAY PLOT GENERATOR
The protagonists are:
A) White middle-aged males
B) Will Smith and Martin Lawrence
There will be:
A) Alot of explosions
B) No, seriously, like a fuckton of explosions, bro
C) A fuckton of explosions, and tits, dude
D) even more explosions, tits, and fucking robots, brostein!
Explosions are:
A) AWESOME
B) AWESOME
C) AWESOME
D) Not yet abundant enough in this script. Add more. AWESOME.
Nic Cage’s hairline …
A. Receding
B. Eating Itself
C. Doing a Kevin Spacey Impersonation
D. Huhhuh…Cool
I hooked a Nic Cage Movie Plot Generator up to my house the last time a thunderstorm knocked out power. It created just enough plot to run my margarita mixer.
Yeah, I misspelled Michael. Fuck Mike.
The SAT’s are now scored in Math, Critical Reading, Writing and Puttin’ tha Bunnah in tha Box.
Chris Brown Likes…
A. To bite women
B. To beat women
C. The show Men In Trees
D. Men in general.
George Lucas Movie Plot Generator
1: Story Takes Place:
A: In the future (even if it’s in the past)
2. Dialogue is:
A: Stilted and moronic
3. Characters Names:
A: Thin representations of the kind of person the character is.
4. Wildcard Twist:
A: Aliens!
You’ll notice none of those have an option B.
Manny Shyamalan Movie Generator:
Your main character is
A. A child
B. An Adult
Their situation is:
A. Far-fetched
B. Seemingly super-natural
C. Truly super-natural
D. All of the above
Towards the end of the film, the story:
A. Twists
B. Turns
C. Twists AND turns
Uwe Bol Plot Generator
The Film Involves…
A. ….
B. Ummmm
C. Jason Stathom
D. A Video Game
Gary Busey Plot Generator:
A. Wildebeest
B. Garbage Truck
C. Hack saw
D. Shin Splint
Tyler Perry Movie Outline:
A. Put on a dress.
B. ???
C. Profit
Tarantino Generator
Tarantino needs a scene with…
A. Samuel L. Jackson
B. A white guy saying “Nigger” 30 times
C. Feet
D. Sodomy
Letter Generator:
A.
B.
C.
D.
It’s Statham. You yell it while you’re fuckin’.
Zach Efron Plot Generator
Zach needs to get…
A. Out the closet.
B. Vanessa Hudgens off him.
C. On some dick.
D. Semen out his hair.
Bronson Pinchot Plot Generator:
(out of order)
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg Plot Generator:
1) Your movie is:
A) Epic
B) Date
C) Scary
D) Disaster
2) Your definition of spoof is:
A) Wrong
B) Nonexistent
C) Paris Hilton saying, “That’s hot”
D) A cow falling on Iron Man
3) You hold which of the following over an exec at Lionsgate:
A) Bestiality photos
B) Proof of transgender surgery
C) Video footage of Kindercare felching rampage
D) Retard rape club
FilmDrunk Comment Generator:
Can you relate this post to Gary Busey?
Yes: Make joke about Gary Busey’s eybrows or something
No: Can you find a funny word that rhymes with the main subject of the post?
Yes: Go for it, preferably something gay or racist
No: Go for a non-sequitor, preferably something involving incest or bestiality
More like the Nic Cage Movie Plot Gender-Hater amiright!
New up.
3.a. Time Spent in the Mirror Contemplating:
A. 5 seconds eyes closed
B. 10 seconds wide eyed
C. 10 seconds chomping teeth
D. 10 seconds before being disturbed by supporting cast member