Hot on the heels of Mickey Rourke’s reported signing to Iron Man 2, Scarlett Johansson has been announced as Black Widow, the role from which Emily Blunt withdrew due to scheduling. Marvel’s offer to Johansson is being described as a “lowball.” Meanwhile, my offer to Johansson is being described as “obscene and perplexing.”
Unlike Mickey’s money, the deal for her is “just the opposite, a terrible deal made by CAA,” one of my insiders says. “It’s as bad as any deal that I’ve heard. It’s lowball money. And it ties her to countless movies, including that ensemble The Avengers, which is what makes this brutal for a lot of actors.” [NikkiFinke]
But the deal also means she won’t have to go out looking for new roles or auditions, and I get the impression that Scarlett Johansson is really lazy. I don’t know why. She just has that oh I’m so tired, I shouldn’t even be awake voice. Also, in an ironic twist, “Emily Blunt” was her nickname in high school. True story.
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They do realize there are thousands upon thousands of regular non-douchebag Americans that would love to get any job offer right now, right? Oh man, it’s so tiring to have steady employment, I know. Interferes with all that going to clubs and pretending to be rappers stuff.
Only ball Johanson doesn’t like too much is the rubber one Ryan Reynolds stuffs in her mouth win he’s banging her.
Spike Lee’s gonna be pissed that Tyler Perry wasn’t considered.
So I’m guessing that the back-story for Rourke’s villain will be that he motorboated Scarlett too hard.
Its a shame cause I think Emily Blunt is so much hotter than ScarJo(can’t believe I typed that) Maybe its me. I mean look at that Banner pic.
Emily’s picture looks like she wants you to slap her in the face with your dick before you bend her over a stool.
Scarlett looks like her mom just told her she is taking her out for ice cream.
“Lowball money” is what Mickey Rourke had to pay for that scrotum-tuck operation.
One has big boobs and her mouth is open. The other is Emily Blunt. I call gaynanigans on 6ways.
It’s terrible casting. ScarJo is about as dangerous as a baked potato. Come to think of it you can get a nasty mouth burn. ScarJo will make your mouth burn, you heard it here first.
<——- would rather see ScarJo tied to train tracks than countless movies.
Even better, Emily’s picture looks you just asked her where she wants it and she told you “Everywhere”
While Scarlett looks like she just got the answer for her 2+2 flash card right
I’m with 6Ways on this. Emily Blunt looks like she’d actually move around when you’re doing it, not lay there like a big ol marshmallow. But I’m a chick so..you know…GRRR JAZZHANDS!
*chodin enters FilmDrunk steam room, rolls up towel and snaps it at old man; old man dies instantly*
FUCK MIKE!!!
It feels like I just let the keyboard cleaner go off in my pee hole.
Which, coincidentally, feels like biting into a York peppermint pattie.
So the bad guys are Black Widow and Crimson Dynamo. Is this a Frank Miller movie?
@B.K.
Sorry man…I’d rather my girls dirty regular chested then top heavy and prudish. I mean come on man. Blunts totally fucking us with her eyes in that picture. Scarlett has the rack no doubt….but I got this feeling Emily would fuck the shit out a dude.
I support this if they write Black Widow like Molotov Cocktease.
Pop quiz, hot shot: what’s black, red and happens to be widowed?
Tina Turner.
I think this whole picture is a rebus telling us that Raymond Burr was a drug user. Damn Illuminati. Who took my pills?
If she’s Black Widow, I’d like to jizz that red hourglass on her stomach.
………WITH BLOOD!
I’d fuck Scarlett Johansson until the coroners legally changed her name to ‘Blue Bruised Dead Chick’.
Nikke Finke gets his “hot tips” from fortune cookies.
Scarlett Johansson is the result of If They Mated with Laura Prepon and Ronald McDonald.
Observation: It looks like Donk’s avatar fathered Pauly’s avatar. /Observation.
They’re hermanos, Beek.
Emily Blunt just looks like a bitch. You know how I know that? Because I just looked at her and decided she was, to help myself cope with the fact that I will never perform coitus on her, dipshit.
Emliy Blunt looks like she just heard me fart while fucking.
Look…I’d fuck them both till my dick had a Rip Van Winkle Beard. But if this was “Who is the best fuck” Poker. And you have Scarlett and I have Blunt. I’m all in on Blunt. Thats all I’m saying. I wouldn’t have to teach Emily to do nasty shit. Scarlett would probably require some AP Porn classes. (Hmm…maybe I’m just into some filthy stuff)
I read that what sealed the deal for Scarlett was the free use of a rickshaw for eight years.
She says she can’t wait to meet Mr. Shaw.
Chodin, you can make out with me any day and call me “Emily.” Or “Allison.” I prefer “Allison.”
Is Scarlett related to David Johansson (a.k.a. Buster Poindexter)?
Because she’s Hot, Hot, Hot!
I would like to formally apologize for that last comment.
In my head all of the drunkettes look like either Emily Blunt or Scarlett Johannson.
Or Lisa Lampinelli. But I don’t want to fuck the ones that look like Lisa Lampinelli.
I think my choices speak for themselves.
I’d fuck James Blunt.
Wait, wrong stop.
You lose, Erswi. Lisa Lampinelli is obviously the best fuck out of the three, if that’s the game we’re playing. (Apparently we’re not playing the “who gives me a girl boner” game.)
Scarlett’s teeth are so fucking slutty
Warren Sapp calls lisa lampinelli’s pussy “The Limo”
Because its roomy, it has leather interior and before he showed up he came in it.
I have a feeling that if you went all-in on Blunt, she’d fold and go find a guy who could actually raise the pot.
Girl Boner – Robot in disguise.
*Scarlett Johansson lays on chodin’s bed as he continuously adjusts the light switch fader up and down*
ScarlHo: “Come on, let’s BANGARANG!”
chodin: “Yeah, Bay was right: you only look hot with deep saturation and contrast.”
I hope I dont look like Lisa Lampinelli. :(
I like to think I remind people of Kathy Bates. Funny in that “she’s about to stab you” way.
I would like to formally apologize for Jacktion’s apology because I’m not sure it was effective enough.
@DonkeyHodey
Damn and then you’d win with your 4 queens.
I don’t want to meet Scarlett Johansson, because I don’t want to get arrested and become known as “that dude who bit Scarlett Johansson in her giant fucking tits”.
Four queens always beats a single jack.
I once thought that I was having a wet dream about Emily Blunt, until Kevin Costner showed up being chased by a bunch of dudes on waverunners.
@Donkey Hodey
Hey dude I’d jack all day as long as I ain’t fucking dudes
I like to think I remind people of Laura Croft. Mostly because of my pixels and because I always open conversations with “hey, remember Laura Croft?”
Is she the more responsible version of Lara Croft? No, wait, she’s the cross-stitching lady on PBS, right?
Larry Croft installs cable
Yes and Yes!
My bad, that’s Laura Craft.
Latika Croft was an extra in Slumdog Millionaire
Oh, THAT kind of queens.
*Throws away naked picture of Elizabeth II*
*picks up picture, frames it*
“You’re going down for this crime, naked picture of Queen Elizabeth II!”
^^^*Imagine that said by James Cagney*
If you can reach deep inside your own ass and pull out the strength to look away from Scarlett Johansson’s huge titties, you’ll notice that there are literally 3 other people in that same photograph.
The point of all this, you ask? Well, my friend, it’s to tell you that you’re a faggot.
Scarlett Johansson looks like a realdoll mixed with one of those inflatable boxing clowns that keeps popping back up after you hit it.
Of course I’d fuck that!
I would like to formally apologize for Stone Soup’s apology regarding Jacktion!’s apology. Those responsible have been sacked.
I’d suck Ryan Reynolds’ dick right after he fucks Scarlett just to clean it off.
Ahh, who am I kidding? I’d suck it any way.
There’s a spot on my computer screen, and when I scroll up and down I can give ScarJo a beauty mark, or titty melanoma.
Crap, where can I download the Enrique Eglacious feature for mac?
@Pauly
….wow.
Enrique Eglacious is that dude who fell off the King’s wall and cracked his shit open, right? Wright? RITE!!!???
I just jizzed your pants.
It’s at the iPhone store, they have an app for everything.
[carves "fucky" in chest with Swiss Army Knife]
Hey, can I get in on this cyber session you two are having?
Durst.