I hope this is a made up story, but Rihanna was in New York this weekend, supposedly to discuss film projects…
…one of which is a proposed remake of 1992’s Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick, “The Bodyguard.” Rihanna would be taking on Whitney’s role in the updated version, which an insider says would be a “young and sexy take” on the favorite film. “GI Joe” hottie Channing Tatum’s name has been bandied about to take on Costner’s role. [NYDailyNews]
Hmm, somehow I don’t think Rihanna singing “I Will Always Love You” would be such a good idea. Maybe they could call this one “Crappy Bodyguard.”
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/new-white-house-down-trailer-looks-more-die-hard-than-ever-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Ovaries-150x120.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/WHD-Da-Dope-Pope-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/gi-joe-retaliation-earns-41m-paramount-greenlights-sequel-150x150.jpg)
…they could call this one “Crappy Bodyguard.”
Dude, what you trying to say with that?
The Mighty Feklahr is sure Rihanna wanted a bodyguard a few weeks ago…
She’s in talks to play Lucy in You’re a Shitty Man, Chris Brown.
Channing Tatum will protect Rihanna from her two biggest threats:
Chris Brown and Col. Sanders.
With Chris Brown on set, this is bound to turn out to be life imitating art.
Tatum: “Stop! That watermelon is POISONED!!!”
Since when and to whom was the original a “favourite film”?
If this causes Rhiannahanhaahna to get strung out on coke and go away, and Tatum to spend the remainder of his career doing movies like Dr. T and the Women I will start believing in god.
Chris Brown’s defense will now be that he was helping Rihanna prepare for her role by channeling Bobby Brown.
Tatum: “Stop! Those aren’t food stamps, THEY’RE JOB APPLICATIONS!”
Hollywood….you’re juuuuuuuuuust a little too late.
Tatum: “Stop! That’s not grape drank, it’s KOOL-AID!”
Why can’t hollywood put a “young and sexy” take on good 90′s movies like Kazaam or
drumroll please… Dudley Do-right starring one of the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana
This is as ironic as casting Michael Vick in a Benji movie.
Whitney Houston: I hear you’re going to be in The Bodyguard
Rihanna: Yeah, it’s a totally original movie
Whitney: Sorry girl, it’s been done. I beat you to it
Rihanna: *flinches*
The could have cast her in GI Joe and gave her the code name: BEATDOWN
Or they could have cast Rihanna in GI Joe and call her: BLACK EYES
I can’t wait for the new soundtrack, featuring the smash single “I’m Every Woman(‘s Movement Taking a Step Back).”
Rhianna: Tatum is Hella-ella-ella gay, gay, gay.
When asked Chris Brown said: “Bodyguard? Shiiiit. Like that’ll save her.
From the looks of the pictures, she should be more concerned with starring in The Faceguard.
I can’t wait to hear her renditions of “I Have Nothing (Except This Huge Welt On My Face” and “Even If My Heart Would Break (You’d Notice the Huge Welt First).”
I can’t wait for the Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner remake staring Danny Trejo and Anna Faris.
she’s more suited to a remake of punch drunk love.
This has MTV Movie Awards sweep
jizzedpissedwritten all over it.“Rachel, we hired you this bodyguard because someone broke into your house and masturbated on your bed!”
“…Go on…”
I think Chris should do her a favor and punch her in the chest a few times.
Casting Rihanna in a movie is a poor decision as she obviously doesn’t take direction well.
If I see a scene with Channing’s character going undercover as Rihanna’s backup dancer in this, I’m firing a missile right into the fucking projector’s booth.
Did I just wake from a coma?? When the hell did Channing Tatum become hollywood’s “it” guy.
Tatum? Damn near killed him!!!
Tatum: Holy Dog Balls! That ass cowboy over there has a gun! Get Down Whitney #2!!
Rhianahhaha: Oh, nuh uh! You ain’t telling this black woman what to do! I don get no…
T: Get Down! He’s gonna shoot you!
R: See, that shit don’t play! I iz a diva you…
T: [Pimpslaps a bitch]
R: Yessa! Yessa! [gets down]
The AP is reporting that the “Bodyguard” remake will reportedly feature Rihanna doing a spicy duet entitled “Bitch Had it Comin” with the ghost of Ike Turner.
No, not really.
The official soundtrack of this movie will feature many songs and could sell very well.
The unofficial soundtrack will sound like a foley artist’s practice session.
They already made “Crappy Bodyguard”. Selena starred in it. Very convincing performance too. She hasn’t done much since then though…
The official candy of this movie will be the whopper.
This movie just fell down the stairs.
This movie isn’t in 3D, but I think it’d be appropriate to still hand out the big glasses.
[applauds Chino's abuse trifecta]
*irons crap’s wifebeaters, puts dinner on the table and sits quietly*
Rihannanana should change her name to Al’s Meat. Cuz…
…you can’t beat, Al’s Meat!
[rubs thuumb on Chino's lips ala Cape Fear]
That’s a good girl. Now, go clean yourself, real good.
I predict hits, smashes and solid beats. Also the soundtrack will be a success.
Crap, when I read your misspelling of Rihanana, I keep thinking I’m reading about Sha-na-na.
All of the foods at the concession stand will be battered.
When this movie fails to succeed at the box office, it will humbly admit that it brought that upon itself and promises to try harder next time.
She’ll continue to follow in Whitney’s footsteps afterwards as she appears in ‘Wating to Exhale’ about a woman who knows a punch to the ribs is coming.
Sean Connery just bought his ticket to the premiere on Fandango.
Was kinda the point slyOn.
Fuck I’m old.
Sha-na-na? So Riahanana goes with Chris Bro-wow-wown?
Fuck, I’M old.
After getting slammed in the press, and beaten by other films at the box office, this movie will go to the shelter of a Wal Mart discount bin.
ATTACK OF THE TABS!!!
UPROOOOOXXXXXX!!!!!!
True Story: Somebody sprinkled a bunch fo pubes on my desk while I was at lunch today.
The posters for this movie will be black and red. And black.
Sorry, those were my pubes. I had a bunch of extras…my bad.
Rihanna wouldn’t have to remake this movie if she had just done it right the first time like she was told.
Well, this post is quickly turning into a dead horse.
This movie is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
This movie is doing it because it loves you. So much.
When this movie gets beaten severly by the competition, it will call the cops but will be reluctant to press charges.
This movie went to ‘visit’ it’s parents for a few days and just sat in a dry bathtub and cried.
The Bodyguard remake’s friends all think that The Bodyguard’s boyfrend it a piece of shit ant it could do better.
But The Bodyguard remake just says they don’t understand.
This movie lives in Florida.
The Bodyguard remake goes heavy on the eye make up, and swears its just ‘about fashion.’
Yeah, The Bodyguard remake’s friends just don’t know him like it does. Plus, he said it’d never happen again so…
It’s just the way that The Bodyguard remake was brought up. It doen’t know any different.
The Bodyguard remake is not gonna be happy when i find out who pubed my desk and I tape a paper bag full of dogshit under their chair.
*strangles The Bodyguard remake DVD*
If I can’t have this movie, then nobody can!!!
The Bodyguard remake left a VHS copy of The Burning Bed and a cassette of Garth Brooks’ ‘Thunder Rolls’ on the lazy boy. Because The Bodyguard remake is a passive agressive twat.
The Bodyguard remake’s husband thinks you were being a bit to friendly to that waiter, and is gonna have a ‘good talking to’ The Bodyguard remake when they get home.
The Bodyguard remake just made a safeplan and is stashing money in the cookie jar.
The Bodyguard remake’s husband had better come home to dinner and a smile.
The Bodyguard remake’s husband is tired of that ‘Oprah bitch’ ‘puttin ideers in yer head!’
Passive agresive twat would be a great name for a band. Or a brand of ass wipes.
The Bodyguard remake knows the kitchen like the back of your hand.
The Bodyguard remake really has teeth. Just not all of them.
The theme song will be her cover of Alanis’s Ironic.
I don’t know about international box office, but the Bodyguard remake is going to be a big hit domestically.