I’m not really into horror movies but even I have to admit Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre is a pretty metal title. As you might expect, it’s set on an Icelandic whale-watching boat. Ten bucks says the twist is that the black guy doesn’t die first.
(Because it’s Iceland-related, I’m also including Kristen Wiig’s impression of Bjork. And because I want to marry Kristen Wiig. She fills my heart with clouds.)
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If Joel Schummacher was directing this it’d be a Sperm Whale Watching Massacre
This was an Eli Roth ad for Wamu.
BLACK GUY ON BOAT: There is a killer aboard trying to slaughter all of us!
GIRL ON BOAT WHO LOOKS LIKE AMY POEHLER: Oh, Thank God. I would have killed myself of boredom if he hadn’t arrived.
It’s hard to get an accurate tally of how many people die in this movie, because hippies don’t count as a full person.
BLACK GUY ON BOAT is my favorite type of porn.
The killer turns all his victims into lipstick and lantern oil!
Ohhhhh, whale WATCHING massacre. Here I was expecting the trailer for an awesome documentary.
Please, Jesus, let one of the hippies escape from the boat onto an iceberg and have to battle an endangered Harbor Porpoise.
No, it’s a common misconception. Icelandic whales are very friendly. It’s the ones in Greenland who’ll massacre you.
I don’t know if it’s been mentioned before or not, but the Iphone is a great invention for guys that have to hide in the toilet to get some fucking peace at werk. Y’know, just in case Apple needed new commrcial ideas.
Nautical torture porn makes me Sea-Saw Sick.
In a related incident, I watched Kevin Smith massacre Fudgie the Whale.
I’m on a boat! I’m on a boat! Everybody look at me ‘cuz I’m killing on a boat!
This movie’s cast list will have more superfluous ‘J’s than a soldier-themed Hip Hop convention.
I’m not too sure that makes any sense.
The trouble with torturing and killing people on a whaling boat is all the blubbering.
You don’t need to go to Poland to whale watch. Just hang outside Kevin James’ house. He’s not that elusive.
Poland?
BLACK GUY ON BOAT is my favorite type of porn.
Which makes me wonder, why the hell has there never been an eskimo porn flick called Harpoon-tang?
In Lincoln, you can see Nebraska Hog Chasing Expedition every night when the bars close.
That killer is a total Bjerk.
SPOILER ALERT It was Gunnar Stahl.
:::Ducks fly together!:::
Polish whales beach themselves constantly. (Well, they have to; they’re in fucking Poland.)
I hope they get Frank Whaley to play the bad guy.
Whale Watching Massacre is the nickname for the time I walked in on my old college roommate going to town on a fat chick.
Whale watching serves no porpoise.
Yeah, I know, I’m gonna punch myself in the taint for that one.
“Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre”
What did you want him to do, intervene? He’s a fucking whale.
Tugboat Willy – The Whale Watching Massacre is a great name for a fat chick porn.
God I wonder how Popeye feels about this?
The Icelandic tourism board would like you to know that whale watching in Reykjavic is still much safer than staying in Hostels in Prague.
And skiing in Canada, Donk.
The killer will turn out to be Erik the Bowhead. He only cuts people up so he can discover Spleenland
ba-ZING!
Stay tuned folks. Later in the hour we’ll have C-Dog try to swallow a quart of bull semen in less than 30 seconds.
Sorry I’ve been glaringly absent lately guys and lady-boys. I’ve been going through a rough patch at home, but it’s all good in the hood now.
Kill me Ishmael…
New Up!
(Welcome back, real Jesus).
Anyone still here? No? Good…
The death scenes in this film promise to be ambergrisly.
Overheard at Iceland’s Tourism Office:
“They made a movie called what? FUCKING HELL! Don’t they realize our job is tough enough getting people to come to a place called fucking ICELAND! FUCKING SHIT MAN!”
“Um, boss, why are we talking English?”
“Fuck off. You’re fired.”