03.02.09 WHO WILL SAM JACKSON RAPE?
“Yessir, I got the I’m-gone-rape-a-white-girl bluuues…”
No word on how he plans to squeeze it in between his nine Marvel movies, but Sam Jackson has signed on for the awesomely titled Rape: A Love Story (which sounds funnier if you read it without the colon). Settle down, pervs, it’s a Joyce Carol Oates novel. But who will play the rapee? Go ahead, I’ll give you one guess…
“The movie will tell the story of Teena MacGuire (Maria Bello), a young mother who is brutally gang-raped and left for dead, in an attack witnessed by her 12 year-old daughter (Abigail Breslin). Jackson will play a cop who, appalled by Teena’s plight and a legal miscarriage of justice, takes the law into his own hands in an attempt to punish her attackers.” [Empire]
“They told me it was going to be tasteful,” MacGuire moaned.
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There are 25 comments about:
WHO WILL SAM JACKSON RAPE?
If I was gang raped, I’d be happy about the miscarriage.
As a bit of a commitment-phobe, I’d prefer a title like Rape: A Really Like Story.
Banner Pic:
“Got a song about raping me a white bitch. Like to hear it? Here it go….”
I like my rape with Grape Nuts on top.
If the rapee is a Mom, the “Motherfucker” that comes out of Sam Jackson’s mouth will take on a whole new meaning.
Toby Mcguire might get me into the theater.
Well, if it helps any, with Maria Bello in it, there’s bound to be titties.
Maybe even a cheerleader rape-69.
I’m tired of these motherfuckin’ snakes running a motherfuckin’ train!
This is a remake of Japanese film from ‘87. I remember the cop tracking down and finishing off a bunch of tentacles with a hatchet.
*Thumbs through joke catalog*
Ok, let’s see - Sam Jackson PLUS
Rakes
Railroad
Rain
Ramadan
Ransack
Rank
Rappers
Ahh - here we go - Rape…
“And I will strike down on thee with GREAT motherfucking vengeance and FURIOUS motherfucking anger those who chose to gang rape this white bitch.”
Now when you say that Maria Bello gets brutally gang raped, how brutal are we talking here? Cuz I’m sporting half a chub already just from the blurb.
Fucking Chino - I’m putting that one in the catalog.
I liked this move better when it was Sudden Impact.
Movie, even. SHUT UP I JUST WOKE UP.
If i were the rapist, i’d bang Abigail Breslin and make Maria Bello watch instead.
Why do people get all self-righteous about helping rape victims, anyway? Hell, 50 years ago the rape victims just lived with their soul-searing trauma with a quiet indignation. Life was just more civilized back then!
Kurg, He would nom that…if only…
My favorite kinda of rape is the ol’ caveman clubbing, then getting dragged to the cave.
Gun-rape is a close second.
Abigail might cast better as the young mother.
Pauly-your first comment reminded Him of Alice in Chains Unplugged:
“That senator don’t love no drug program,
he been a dopehead for thirty years…
There ya go…
The senator don’t like no women,
he prefers young boys in leather… “
Even given his advanced age, I’d be more freaked out about Dirty Harry coming after me than Jules. Just sayin’.
You know what would have thwarted the rape of young Teena MacGuire?
Throwing a basketball at her attackers. So I’ve heard.
New post, and it’s something you’ve never seen before!
Should be named Rape Colon: A Love Story.
“Legal miscarriage” is just a euphemism for a non-coat hanger abortion.
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