03.27.09 NIC CAGE WAS BORN TO PLAY A SORCERER

Nice Cage looks ready to deliver a tombstone piledriver.

Damnit, Donk.

You know, if my kid looked like that, I’d be fucking weird too. Actually, I think I’d just kill myself for being such a failure. You hear that Nic? KILL MYSELF!!

Chris Angel’s yard sale was a huge success.

All that hair came with the hat.

Nic Cage wore this to bike week in Daytona, but he kept getting his coat caught in the spokes.

Nic Cage is all set to observe Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (from at least 100 yards away).

I love Chakan the Forever Man!

In that second picture, Cage is trying to conjure up a cheeseburger.

Nic Cage’s favorite magic trick is making $10 disappear from your wallet.

I am constantly amazed that he has an Oscar, and used to be respected.

I think I just figured out why actors take themselves so seriously.

C’mon now, if you were dressed like that and had to deliver all of your scenes without the slightest hint of how ludicrous you are . . .

Ironically, the “Trench Coat Mafia” is Nic Cage’s Son’s musical demographic.

We will all dress like this… IN THE FUTURE ! Or 1986 if it ever comes back around.

If I wasn’t a sorcerer, then why would I wear this hat?

Kurg . . . Chakan, The Forever Man?!?!

I ♥ U!

Nic Cage insisted on using this leather ensemble after Hugh Jackman wore it in Van Helsing. Let’s just say the stains get a bit darker each and every night… because he has sex with it… in the ass.

Director: “Ok, now you are casting a spell”

*Cage curls hands in front of face*

Director: “Ok, but now you’re repelling a spell!”

*Cage curls hands in front of face*

Director: “Great, who ordered this mandarin orange salad with dressing on the side?”

*Cage curls hands in front of face*

N’up.

Unfortunately Cage free.

Nic was extremely disappointed to learn that his character does not fly, primarily because he’s never seen the term “Flying Saucer” in writing before.

Hrmm. Who would have figured that in a modern day The Sword and The Stone movie, Nic Cage WOULDN’T be playing the stone.

Nic: Hey you know what would be really bad ass. A sorcerer in fucking leather man. I mean like a leather trench coat and like a Gandolf hat but its leather too man. Oh and he could have gloves but he cuts the fingertips off because he’s a rebel. Boots with no laces, pants with no belt…He never lets his clothes be used for the purpose they were originally intended man.

Bruckheimer: Nic, get the fuck out of my office.

Do you think Nic Cage knows he’s an actor? I think they just tell him he has powers or he’s got to save the world and take it from there.

“The world is depending on you Nic. The cameras are just here to document everything.”

Nic Cage just needs one more stamp on his Danier Leather card to get free leather chaps.