Haha, hi, kids! Let’s pretend this isn’t super weird!
Nickelodeon’s annual festival of good-clean-fun porno and pretending kids have a say in what entertainment gets fed to them happened last night. As you can imagine, it was the usual mix of who’s that?, I hate them!, and why is Will Ferrell embarrassing himself like this? Anyway, this creepy ode to pandering and borderline child porn seriously skeeves me out, so I’m just gonna post the winners, a few pics, and a video for your perusal while I go take a shower. (Think I’m overreacting? I dare you to watch until the 2:27 mark of the video after the jump where Marlon Wayans asks Miley Cyrus if she’s wearing a thong and not be weirded out).
Favorite Movie
High School Musical 3: Senior YearFavorite Male Movie Star
Will Smith, HancockFavorite Female Movie Star
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior YearFavorite Animated Movie
Madagascar: Escape 2 AfricaFavorite Voice from an Animated Movie
Jack Black, as Po, Kung Fu Panda
MUSIC
Favorite Song
“Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It),” BeyonceFavorite Male Singer
Jesse McCartneyFavorite Female Singer
Miley CyrusFavorite Music Group
Jonas BrothersTELEVISION
Favorite TV Show
iCarlyFavorite Reality Show
American IdolFavorite Television Actor
Dylan Sprouse, The Suite Life of Zack and CodyFavorite Television Actress
Selena Gomez, Wizards of Waverly PlaceFavorite Cartoon
SpongeBob SquarePantsSPORTS
Favorite Male Athlete
Peyton ManningFavorite Female Athlete
Candace ParkerEXTRAS
Favorite Video Game
Guitar Hero World TourFavorite Book
Twilight series
[source = allieiswired]
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/video-trailer-for-miley-cyruss-so-undercover-150x150.jpg)
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Let the covered in a sticky jizz like substance gay jokes commence!!
I’ll start “Look, its just another night out for the Jonas boys! Covered in semen with some creepy muscle bound older guy grinning next to them.”
Somebody better put Cole Sprouse on suicide watch
Someone’s been eating their vegetables.
Pete Wentz is a national treasure. We should bury him.
If those blonde twins didn’t make a Brenda Song sandwich, they are gayer than the Jonas Brothers.
How scantily clad Pussycat Dolls grabbing their tits were in any way appropriate is beyond me. Not that I was watching it.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE totally pwned the Oscars in many many undeserved categories. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 totally pwns the Kids Choice Awards in every category. And both films are about subjugating and enslaving young kids to some nefarious end. COINCIDENCE? U DECIDE!!!!11
You know what really bothers me? I’m willing to bet my entire paycheck (that’s right ladies, all 80 dollars of it) that not one of these fucking people on that show know the origin of the Nickelodeon slime gag.
I’m preying they replaced the normal “I don’t know” slime with leprosy.
I don’t know
(Gahhhhhhhhhhhhurgle urgle)
The banner pic was taken moments after someone asked, “How the fuck are any of you famous?”
*grabs dead horse’s cock and starts jerking it*
This isn’t the first time The Rock has covered the Jonas Brothers in slime… and it won’t be the last
I’m also praying. I guess I was a little to into the photo of the Suite Life kids.
Michelle, your kids have to be older than T-minus two months to have an excuse to watch this stuff.
That said, my 9-year old thought the show was great. I thought Megan Fox was wearing entirely too much clothing. In the end we agreed to disagree.
Man, I am on fire today with shit grammar.
Dor sho gha! It’s like Kahless read His wildest fantasy and made it come true: Godzilla bukkaked the Jonas Brothers and The Rock! BOING!!!
I’m waiting for them to come out with their new variety comedy show “You Can’t Do That With Somebody Her Age in 37 States.”
This is just sad. Kids are getting sexualized earlier and earlier…and I have nothing to do with it.
The middle Jonas is checking out the Rock’s tits.
I actually caught this part (the banner pic) while flipping through tv. The really awkward part was all the girls in the front rows who were happily freaking out, jumping up and down about being slimed from head to toe.
Did one of the Jonas Bros blow Shrek or something? What happened there? And is Miley 18 yet? I’m I the only one willing to admit that she due for her rectal stretching appointment and Dr. Biggie is in!!
I second that, Armorcladinosor. This is not how they react at my shows with
Limp BizkitThe Circle JerksThe Roman Polanski Orchestra.