The rabbits, George. Can’t you see ‘em? We’ll live off the fat of the land. Now close your eyes before the angry mob gets here.
You know how we always joke about George Lucas eating cats and sleeping in a racecar bed and keeping little boys on a chain leash like Princess Leia while he gobbles fanboys’ money? Turns out it’s not far from the truth. There’s a downloadable transcript of a conversation between Lucas, Spielberg, and Lawrence Kasdan going around in which Lucas makes the case, during pre-production on Raiders of the Lost Ark, for the Indiana Jones character having been Marion Ravenwood’s, er, let’s say “statutory mentor.” Via Cinematical:
GL: I was thinking that this old guy could have been his mentor. He could have known this little girl when she was just a kid. Had an affair with her when she was eleven.
LK: And he was forty-two.
GL: He hasn’t seen her in twelve years. Now she’s twenty-two. It’s a real strange relationship.
SS: She had better be older than twenty-two.
GL: He’s thirty-five, and he knew her ten years ago when he was twenty-five and she was only twelve. It would be amusing to make her slightly young at the time.
SS: And promiscuous. She came onto him.
GL: Fifteen is right on the edge. I know it’s an outrageous idea, but it is interesting. Once she’s sixteen or seventeen it’s not interesting anymore. But if she was fifteen and he was twenty-five and they actually had an affair the last time they met. And she was madly in love with him and he …
Spielberg then slammed his fist down on the desk, “George! You can’t have sex with an 11-year-old girl.”
“But her hai-er wuzs sho soft!” yelled George, knocking over his sippy cup.



… and she’s really a boy!
Spielberg: “Look George, this shit is getting bananas. I’m sorry that I turned down your statutory rape idea, but revealing the Ark of the Covenant as being filled with guacamole, is even worse.”
I’m…I’m speechless. Wait no I’m not.
George Lucas just described Indiana Jones being a cross between Lolita and The Silence of the Lambs.
So George starts at 11, can’t get away with it, and then raises it to 12, and then 15. I didn’t know the “B” in NAMBLA stood for bartering.
Holy Shit…AND THIS FAT FUCKER GOT HIS WISH LATER.
All be it backwards with the Padme Anakin bullshit.
Spielberg: “For the last time, George, his name is Short Round and you can’t have his ‘cream.’”
Indian Jones and The Statutory Rape Charge
George: You know what would be interesting is if after Indiana fucks this 12 year old girl he could kill her.
Steven: George.
George: Kill her and then make a body suit out of her skin.
Lawrence: George.
George: And then he could like add like an knife extension on the end of his penis so when he fucks a little girl it’ll hurt more.
Lawrence & Steven: GEORGE!!!!
George: Yeah. Fucking Fincher already took that Idea. Shit! Okay how about…
Spielberg: “Okay, George look: if Indiana Jones uses, as you say, a big, veiny, black dildo, then he can’t swing from shit if he needs to, see? Once again, I think a bullwhip is the best direction to go with on this one.”
I have it on good authority that they had the exact same conversation about Jar Jar Binks.
“George! You can’t have sex with an 11-year-old girl.”
Wrong again, Spielberg!
Leia(Tears welling up): You raped me when I was 15.
Han(Getting lowered into Carbonite Pit): I know.
“OK, OK… he’s a 78-year old Alzheimer’s patient and she’s a stillborn fetus!”
“OK, OK… he’s 32-years old and he fucks her father so hard that he yells, ‘Even my unborn daughter Marion felt that!’”
Indiana Jones…you ARE the father.
If she’s old enough to say “Richard” she’s old enough to get the dick.
So, this explains why Indy realy likes to travel to those faraway places. it’s a lot like why i vacation in the Phillipines.
This guy almost had Indy fuck a 15 year old girl, almost had Padme fuck a 10 year old boy, almost had Luke fuck his own sister, and God only know what 3PO and R2 where doing in the back of the Falcon or why the hell Jango Fett was paid in “little boy”. Shit man. Whats next? Was Obi Wan into fucking Jawas?
Is that why Sean Connery kept calling him “Jr.”?
Obi Wan was pulling mad Ewok bitches, son.
*Steven Spielberg and Lawrence Kasdan hot box in the back of a parked van, immediately after their meeting with George Lucas*
Spielberg: ” *cough* *cough* Oh fuck man, that’s good shit…*cough* but see what I was saying about George?”
Kasdan: ” *cough* Oh shit…yeah man, that fucker is crazy, bro *cough* fuckin’ crazy.”
Spielberg: ” *cough* Yeah he is. *cough* Hey dog, let’s get out of here!”
*a golden retriever sitting in the drivers seat starts the van and shifts into [Drive]*
I’m sure I’m not the only one here who’s wanted to grab Yoda by the ears and face fuck him.
INDY: Toss me the whip!!!
SATIPO: You toss me the little girl, I’ll toss you the whip.
Indiana Jones and the Six Pack of Zima
INDY: There’s a woman my age in the plane, Jock!
JOCK: Oh, that’s just my friend Laure
INDY: I hate women my age Jock! I hate ‘em!!
So this is my coworkers upon my arrival at the office this morning: Yeah, the interweb is down and it won’t be back up til after 1 (CDT).
And this is me: I hate you all.
George: Does it count if she is an alien? I mean, he could say “I thought the lack of pubic hair meant she was an alien”.
Anybody still here? Jokes! I got ‘em!
/Silence. Cruel cruel silence.
“He hasn’t seen her in twelve years. Now she’s twenty-two. It’s a real strange relationship.”
SAME AS MINE’LL BE WITH THE PHANTOM MENACE
“Once she’s sixteen or seventeen it’s not interesting anymore.”
Amen to that.
Hey as I always say if they can reach the mailbox they can get the package