MICHAEL BAY JUST GOT A DINO-BONER
03.10.09
Dreamworks has found their next animated CG-project, and lest you it’s just another simple idea like a Panda who does Kung Fu, this one’s actually based on a book. Though I should also mention: the book is 32 pages long and it’s about dinosaurs that are also trucks.
“Written by Chris Gall, Dinotrux takes place in a fictional [glad you specified -Ed] prehistoric age, when the world was ruled by creatures that were part trucks, part dinosaurs, with species like the Craneosauraus, Garbageadon and Tyrannosaurus Trux plowing and bulldozing their way across the terrain.” [Variety]
…And for millions of years, they were believed to be extinct. That is, until, SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY, at the Dubuque County Swap Meet and Tractor Pull, LIVE from the Jim Everett Memorial Coliseum…
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/jerry_maguire_mission_statement-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/05/Jackman-RealSteel-150x150.jpg)
To stop a Dinotrux, you just have to put it in Jurassic park.
I bet there is no longer a Broncosaurus. It’s probably been replaced with the Ford Escaposaurus. Ah, art, imitating life.
My favorites are the Mackdactyl and the Icecreameiosaurus.
Spoiler Alert: The twist comes when a space rock slams into the Tyrannosaurus Trux’s windshield right after he got it replaced.
Turns out these guys also run on fossil fuels.
Will there be a young dinosaur named littlefoot?
Spoiler Alert: The climax ends with all the Trucks evolving into Eagle Talons.
At then end of the book, they are all wiped out by a Ford Meteor.
My HermannHesseTrux turns into a Bodhi Tree and I get one every Christmas, so I got that going for me…
Due to budget cuts, Steggolexus will not be appearing in this film.
Chris Gall got the idea for Dinotrux after reading everything by the millions of other people who have done this idea.
Ridiculous. If Jesus or John the Baptist sprouted wheels and a diesel transmission, maybe.
The Triceratops will be played by an El Camino with 3 stupid fucking horns and a chain-link steering wheel.
I’ve got a concept for Dreamworks: it’s an animated CG-project where a dick sticks into a butt and then just sits there, on screen, for an additional two hours.
Spoiler alert: Deer end up being the villains in Dinotrux.
Tacotrukadon’s bite will give you a royal case of the trots.
The day my future child asks to go see an animated Dreamworks movie, is the day I stick my future son in future jail and tell the robot warden that I caught him smoking future weed behind his future junior high school.
Dinotrux: fucking great. Not only will my future children grow up with a complete misunderstanding of prehistoric technologies, but they will also have no idea how the hell to spell “trucks”.
Prepare to be deafened by the pounding bass emitted by Scionasaur.
Sproiler Alert: Some of the trucks will try to look neat by sporting sproilers.
I dunno about no Truckasaurus Rex, but the last girl* I was with called me the Fuckasaurus Sex
*Gym sock
Spoiler Alert: The Escaladeatops are all laid to rest by a mystical force the other truckosauruses refer to as “Cosmic Repossession.”
See, it’s not just an ethnic trend: dirty, tanned cavemen have been stealing hubcaps for
millennia.
My Dino-Boner has a ravenous appetite for pussy.
*Goes back to corner and starts knitting*
The tow truck has an automatic trannysaurus.
Pintosaurus enjoys explosive anal sex.
I hope archeologists can finally lay to rest these awful rumors that the Geometrosaur was “faggy”.
Why are you complaining? This is much more realistic than their other stupid idea, about these two groups of battling alien robots who come to Earth and disguise themselves as trucks and cars and then have epics battles. THAT was really lame, I’m glad it never got made…wait, what?
^EPIC, singular dammit Another pithy comment ruined by a typo.
Child: “But daddy, what did the Dinotrux eat? Were there gas stations back then?”
Chodin: “Well Debbie, the Dinotrux ran on you shutting the fuck up, you see?”
Hey now, Trannysaurus gets some odd looks at the Flying J.
Velocivic Raptors loved to shove wide pipes up their asses to make their farts sound raspy.
This has shit to do with shit, but have you bird rapists seen a picture of Maria Shriver recently? She looks like a cross between Skeletor and Fugasaurus Blech! Kahless on a cracker! Ahnold’s super-human sperm must be killing her!
@ Chris Gall: See here bro, that shit you come up with on a handful of acid while staring at dino shaped yard art made of car parts… it doesn’t translate once you come down. You don’t see me writing a kids book about freeing the tortured souls trapped in glow sticks do you?
The license plate says Flint and you can see my stones in the mirror.
I hear a rattle on that one, someone should tighten its Dinotruknutz.
So, what’s the differential between this and transformers again?
Happy birthday, Crappy!
Clever car
Welcome to Birff Crappy!
Their mortal enemy is the JUDAS PRIUS.
Happy Birthday, Crap. I hope the hooker pays YOU to brick on her tits tonight.
This movie saved a ton of money by switching to Geico. So easy…
Thanks homotesticles! Vegas did the trick, I feel ten years older.
Personally, I liked Chris Gall’s first book better. I thought the concept of “bicycle amoebas” was really fucking deep.
[Dreamworks exec holds two books in his hands. In one, Watership Down, in the other, DinOtrux. Exec tosses Watership into trash and pisses on it.]
Gene Shalit says, “Dinotrux is traction-packed!“
Chris Gall’s Wife: “Chris, come to bed. You’ve been in this garage all week working on that book.”
Chris Gall: “You shut the fuck up, woman! You don’t know, you can’t imagine the kind of stress I am under from my publisher! GO TO BED, YOU GO TO BED, BITCH!”
Gene Shalit says, “I’m geared up for Dinotrux!“
Swiss Dinotrux are always in neutral.
Chris Gall says this book was semi-autobiographical.
Well, sounds like more crap. I can’t wait to take my daughter to see this!
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