DIRECTOR BLAMES JOAQUIN FOR BOMB
03.30.09Two Lovers, James Gray’s romantic dramedy starring Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow, has grossed only about $2,000,000 domestically despite positive reviews. Naturally, Gray says the low gross was all C-Joaq’s fault.
“It’s like, Letterman was trying to get the movie out there, but the only thing that’s out there now is a crazy person with a beard making a fool of himself!” says Gray, still seething today at the “circus” surrounding Phoenix. Phoenix claims to be leaving the world of acting to become a rapper, albeit one with a camera-wielding brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, in tow. Gray spits at the name, calling him a “clown”. “I have no idea what the hell that guy is shooting,” he says. “The whole thing is not to my taste, and I’ve let Casey know this.” [timesonline]
Look, dude, it didn’t bomb because Joaquer Texas Rapper was acting crazy, it bombed because the casting was weird. If you want to make a non-traditional Hollywood rom-dram, don’t cast it like an US Weekly cover. However, no arguments about Casey Affleck being a clown. I just wish Crispin Glover had crashed through the window singing “Clowny Clown Clown” to properly illustrate the point.



Two Lovers Bomb is just fancy talk for a Double Harryhausen.
Paltrow and Phoenix rubbing on each other grossed two million? Oh, I think it grossed out a lot more people than that.
“ROM-DRAMEDY” is all I hear my retarded cousin yelling when he sings along to his favourite Edsels songs.
Cassey affleck….the second faulty load from Mr affleck…if only mom was a swallower.
At about $7 a ticket, two million bucks means 285,000 tickers were sold for this. But the truth is, it was really just 285 people who each saw it one thousand times.
^tickeTS dammit
Know what else Joaquin ruined? My perfectly good tube of Chap Stick.
Claiming to take strength from his detractors, look for ol’ Dirty Harelip to incorporate a claim that he’s da bomb into his next rap.
Crispin Glover was never circumcised because his penis is circus-sized. Doctors just didn’t have the necessary tools.
It also doesn’t help that Joaquin can’t properly pronounce the name of the movie.
C-Joaq only has Casey Affleck following him around to explain how he gets paid cash if he gets hurt and has to miss work.
“but the only thing that’s out there now is a crazy person with a beard making a fool of himself!”
Gary Busey checked all the mirrors in the house, but couldn’t find a beard. He then shaved, just in case they were all broken.
…romantic dramedy starring Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow.
He should have positioned this film as science fiction and called it Lip/Stick.
Joaquin Phoenix loves to find nacho crumbles in his beard every morning. He calls it the beard of prey.
Coincidentally, Tsutomu Yamaguchi blames Joaquin for both bombs.
Hey, just because he looks like an Al Qaeda operative…
“Two Lovers” Was a song on Sesame Street. The letters six and nine came out to show how much the appreciated the number 2.
Also, a lot of scatalogical humor in that particular episode…