“STOP KICKING MY SEAT!”
D-Box technologies is rolling out a new system that will shake your movie seat to coincide with the action onscreen, which is an awesome idea if you’re four years old or live in 1955.
According to the system’s inventor, D-Box Technologies, Motion Code is “perfectly synchronised with all onscreen action, creating an unmatched realistic, immersive experience.”
The first cinematic release to ‘benefit’ from the D-Box experience is Fast & Furious, at just two cinemas: the Mann Chinese 6 in Hollywood, California, and UltraStar Surprise Pointe 14 in Surprise, AZ. [TechRadar]
Sweet, maybe it’ll shake me awake when Paul Walker tries to act. Or perhaps they could adapt the technology to animate Nic Cage’s forehead. Seriously though, people forget they already tried all this stupid crap 50 years ago. It didn’t catch on then either, because the whole point of movies is that you can be entertained for two hours relatively cheaply. And another thing, I’m sick of everyone calling Bruckheimer and Bay movies “roller coasters” and “thrill rides.” Just tell me a goddamned story you a-holes, stop trying to make me motion sick.
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D-Bag technologies is working on a pneumatic fist that will punch the back of the head of the loud motherfucker sitting in front of you.
D-Bag technologies is working on a way to clean up the smell of Guido Beach.
D-Box Technologies and D-In-A-Box Technologies offer radically different products. Please remember that.
So the seats vibrate? Fuck, I may actually convince my wife that going to an action movie will be fun for both of us.
A D-Box is usually what I wind up taking home from a bar.
What, no smellovision?
Feelaround was a good technology.
“Surprise, Arizona!” is what I yell at the L.A. hookers in my trunk when they regain consciousness.
I think movie technology hit its peak with Polyester’s scratch and sniff cards.
Surprise Pointe 14 sounds like an episode of To Catch A Predator.
they already had this shit in Canada. they broke after 2 months. no one noticed…EXTREME! PEW PEW! KABLOOSH!
D-Bag technologies attaches The Shocker to your seat.
What if you’re 10 years old and live in 1955? Like George Lucas.
Then you rape my dreams, Burnsy.
Then you rape my dreams.
They should apply this technology in specialized female porn theatres. Plus, you wont need jizz moppers!
Maybe this’ll get Michael J. Fox back into movies where he belongs.
Instead of 3D glasses the theatre will hand out butt plugs.
I recently read about a new technology that extends an invisible hose from your theater seat to your anus, is this anything like it?
Wait a tic, cant you do this at Chuck E Cheese for a quarter?
Now youre talking, Mr D!
“I feel sick.” — Ben Mankiewick
“I just jizzed in my pants!” — Ben Lyons
“I think my chair is broken. It’s not moving; it’s just making a grinding noise.” — Harry Knowles
Because he’s tremendously fat, you see.
They should make the popcorn buckets vibrate. Then I wouldn’t feel so weird going to the movies alone.
Maybe this’ll get Michael J. Fox back into movies where he belongs.
According to D-Box Technologies, you can turn the dial on these seats up to “Michael J. Fox hug”.
Will this technology allow movie goers to experience the sensation of downforce caused by a giant spoiler on a front-wheel-drive Civic?
*BK High Fives Robo*
Only as long as the seats have seat belts. That way I can really feel like I’m in a crappy Fast and Furious movie.
In keeping with the theme, the theaters will also take each audience member’s picture a some point late in the film and try to sell you 5x8s in the lobby.
Imagine, a couple dozen monitors, all with a picture of some douchebag who would never accept it, but is a card carrying member of the D-Bag Army.
I’m telling ya, I’d fuck Michelle Rodriguez. If only she didn’t have a dick.
The Paramount in Montreal had vibrating seats. Each seat had a cylinder strapped to the headrest and it would shake you senseless. It made me nauseous
They even had it on during a cell phone advertisement.