CRANK 2 IS CLASSY AND HIGH BROW
03.23.09
There’s a new red-band TV spot for Crank 2 out (apparently they have R-rated TV commercials in the U.K., I’m assuming late at night), and you can tell they’re targeting a 
really classy audience because the spot is literally 30 seconds of nudity and swearing edited together over WWE-entrance music. And for some reason, it has Bai Ling in it. I didn’t even know she acted. I thought she was a human hentai cartoon. Anyway, I plan on putting on my spats and taking the gents to see this one after brandy and cigars at the Harvard Club, I do.
[via TrailerAddict]
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Jason Statham will star in the adaptation of The Big Penis Book.
The path of the Stath leads to the ass.
BOOBIES!!!!
And for some reason, it has Bai Ling in it. I didn’t even know she acted.
She doesn’t.
This declassifying is quite the suprise, as the first one was so sophisticated.
(word play mothfuckers!!)
*puts on fake beard and adopts Austrian accent* Tell me Jason, vot do you think ramming a large veapon up another man’s arschloch could signify?
In Cr3nk, da Staf is going to be ripped limb from limb and his torso is going to have to journey around the city kicking ass and collecting body parts to be whole again.
Know what else is high brow? Cholas.
So shocked was I by the vulgarity of this trailer that my monocle dropped from my eye and landed on my outstretched pinky, interrupting my self-pleasure.
Know what else is high brow? Cholas.
That all depends on the Sharpie angle, Donk.
Kevin Spacey approves this banner pic.
You and your Columbia classmates will spend hours deconstructing this film.
Banner pic: Stath’s head finds a mirror.
Sticking a shotgun up a man’s ass is also known as “The Spacey Silencer”.
I thought he needed electricity to run his heart, not methane.
Oh, THAAAAAT’S what I’m looking at in the banner pic.
This gives new meaning to the term “poop shoot”.
Director- CUT!!! Jason, the scene calls for you to smoke the crack.
Statham- Is whu Oim doin’, innit?
Director- Technically, yes. But he has the crack rocks in his pocket.
Statham- Roight den. Wuh’evah.
No Jason! You are kicking ass, kicking, not licking.
That guy’s got his own version of sticking a daisy in a gun barrel as a form of peaceful protest.
Pictured; A confused Stath looking for his car keys. “Nyop, nyot in err…”
Also high-browed: Joan Rivers’ face. That bitch looks like she should be giving hand gestures to some Frenchman at the base of Devil’s Tower.
That pic kinda reminds me of the time I got stopped by Border Patrol on my way back from Mexico.
Stath: Yur right, yur as hole does look like George Lucas.
Somebody’s gotta teach Jason some American slang. That guy did not have this in mind when he said he just wanted to hang out and shoot the shit.
He’s gonna get a knobbin’.
A proper knobbin’.
Jason takes prostate cancer awareness very seriously.
I’ll bet he didn’t even have the decency to warm his hands up first.
This time, unfortunately, Amy Smart was no where to be found when Chev needed to get his fuck on.
What we see here in the banner pic is a moment between takes as Statham finally convinces his co-star to show everyone his Ace Ventura impersonation.
Crank 2: The Discerning Gentleman’s Guide To Cinema
Stath is gonna stick a 12 gauge shotgun in a 10 gauge asshole.
Jason juut can’t resist his urges to go spelunking.
So basically this is the “Adventureland” red band trailer ripped off for a thirty second UK TV spot. Brilliant.
While Crank 2 may not be high brow, Statham was quoted as saying his co-star has “a high brown eye”.
…”juut”…
|-(;*=( C===B [frownie winky crying hitler wearing a propeller beanie taking a money shot facial from a black dude]
Banner pic-
Statham takes a break from filming to do some gerbil hunting.
Suddenly in an inspired form of self defense, the bad guy prolapsed his asshole and poked Chev in the eye.