No Comments of the Week prizes to give away this week, other than recognition. Sorry about that. But Sake Seal still loves you.
As always, the way this works is, at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of THIS post below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
The two posts that garnered the funniest comments this week were Michelle Owen the Dog F*cker and Hey, Girl, Ryan Gosling Has a Dog. I’m starting with The Rutger Hauer Experience from the Ryan Gosling for coining the phrase, “Haha, I love you, Patches.”
The Rutger Hauer Experience says, “Hey Patches, if you don’t like your collar we can get you a scarf that matches my coat. How cool would that be? Haha, I love you, Patches.”
Same post:
Michelle07 says, “No Patches, don’t chew through my fancy jeans…hey wait, you’re right, that is a cool pattern. Haha, I love you Patches.”
Same post, but referring to different pictures:
Reluctantflux says, “Pic1: Hey girl, look, my dog is chinese! Pic2: Just kidding! He’s american! Ha Ha!”
Elsewhere, in the Aliens vs. Predator ads post:
Rotwangchung says, “My picture would have been a Mexican landscaper indian wrestling a priest.”
From the Man Kills Shark post:
Charlie Br0nze says, “I love how killing the shark humanely takes two hours, involves multiple stabbings and eventually just dragging the thing from a boat until it drowns. That’s how we’re gonna do things at the euthanasia clinic I’m opening in Switzerland.”
Ha, Switzerland. It’s like Cambodia with white chicks. Moving on: From the Fireproof/I Heart My Marriage Guy Arrested for Choking His Wife post:
Donkey Hodey says, “He’s got the wrong card suit on that shirt. Instead of hearts, it should be clubs.”
AND
“His other shirt says ‘Don’t † Me’.”
Impressive. I didn’t even know there was a cross icon. From Pauly Shore Adopts an African Child: Pauly Dangerously says,
PAULY SHORE: No wheezing the juice.
AFRICAN KID: But I hungry, mister.
From Ron Silver is Dead:
Rotwangchung says, “The Lone Ranger will be giving a short eulogy.”
From Michelle Rodriguez Says Hanging Out with James Cameron is Like Going to College:
MaxwellDemon says, “She would run James Cameron over with an SUV and consider that a Roads Scholarship.”
Well done. Next up, I figured I had to recognize at least one horribly insensitive Natasha Richardson comment, so here it is:
Vodka says, “Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I’m gonna drink ’til I’m brain-dead!
/turns around
Ooh… Sorry, Liam.”
What can I say? It was well structured. (Like your mom). This week’s winner is the entire Woman (Michelle Owen) Has Police Check Computer for Child Porn/Police Discover Dog Sex Videos on Woman’s Computer thread. This is really what FilmDrinking is all about.
Donkey Hodey says, “Looks like this time… Lady and The Tramp… were one in the same person. *Puts on sunglasses* WAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Stone Soup says, “The beagle was later overheard bragging to his friends that they did it ‘drunk girl-style’.”
Pauly Dangerously says, “Boy, she really screwed the pooch.”
Burnsy says, “Leave it to my best friend to f*ck my girl.”
Vodka says, “Toby taught Michelle how to roll over.”
Pauly Dangerously says, “I like to f*ck doggystyle by painting my dick red.”
MaxwellDemon says, “OH MAN! OH DOG! OH MAN! OH DOG!” (reference explained)
Donkey Hodey says, “Haha! I love you, Patches.”
…And one hand washes the other. Brilliant job, people. Now let’s go out there and have another esoteric week of entertaining each other! *heterosexual ass slaps all around*

Jeebuz … which dumb animal does a commenter have to fuck for some recognition ’round here?
Kidding. Thanks, all, for making my boring life 2% brighter.
Some great shit again this week.
Just wanted to say, that Michelle07 said “I love you, Patches” first – I just added the “Haha”. Which really deserves recognition though.
This just in – if Donkey, Pauly, Burnsy, Vodka, Maxwell, and I were on a sinking ship and Vince could only save one of us, he’d quickly re-arrange the deck chairs and blast off in his jet pack.
This is bullshit!
How many fake accounts do I have to nominate myself with to get some recognition?
6?
I almost chose the “Claw & Order” comment about Alien vs. Predator, but it was really long and I was feeling lazy.
I almost chose the “Claw & Order” comment about Alien vs. Predator, but it was really long and I was feeling lazy.
I hear ya, V-Man. Copy ‘n’ paste can really wear a guy out.
Leading scientists believe this week did not have enough Rape, Sexman and/or Gary Busey, but more than made up for it with Dogs. And by “made up” I really mean “made out”.
@GWuLLaT–want recognition? I dub thee Guy Who (usually) Busts Vince’s Balls.
Haha, I love you GWuLLaT.
Busting Vince’s balls? I swear, I only ever intend to “gently tickle”.
Sorry if I was too rough, Vince. It’s only coz I
can’t register any more IP addresses at Turdenlike this place so much.I’ll throw the first stone.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/transformers-2-robot-with-cane#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
Jetfire lives in an aviation museum and none of the other Transformers ever come visit him.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/transformers-2-robot-with-cane#comments
Stone Soup makes me embarrassed that I didn’t think of it first:
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and Can’t Get Up
Second Soup’s “get up”.
Same post:
JHC I understand this isn’t as funny if you need it explained, but to me it’s hilarious *Geek high-fives all around*:
An SR-71 huh? Ironic that the geezer of the group changes into something that can’t hold it’s fluids.
Second the leaky plane joke.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/pub-evacuated-over-holy-hand-grenade#comments
Brave Sir Donk:
Police have narrowed the list of subjects down to five
Three, sir
Three.
*slow clap for an excruciating amount of time, almost awkward*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/pub-evacuated-over-holy-hand-grenade&cp=1#comment-185081
I’m nom-whoring early today, but here goes
Armorcladinosor wins:
I think a Holy Hand Grenade should be when you tell a girl you’re wearing a condom, lie, blow inside her and when you tell her you did, say it’s because you’re Catholic and every sperm is sacred.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/kevin-spacey-is-super-duper-not-gay#comments
Mark it Zero:
Wait until he sees the pop-up version.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/kevin-spacey-is-super-duper-not-gay#comments
Burnsy-
Borders Clerk: “Would you like me to put the book in a bag?”
Spacey: “No, I’ll just carry it out in my mouth.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/crank-2-is-classy-and-high-brow#comments
Donk:
Know what else is high brow? Cholas.
Second Donk’s Cholas.
You know it’s good when the resident Mexican nominates it.
Chev Chevlios likes sticking shotguns up a-holes thread, Crappy almost made me lose my internet priviledges with his gem:
Suddenly in an inspired form of self defense, the bad guy prolapsed his asshole and poked Chev in the eye.
knowing
Eibmoz says:
His forehead is so large because it has to hold all the secrets.
kevin spacey
Pauly Dangerously classes up this joint with:
I can’t wait for the release of this book all over my face.
-AND-
Crapbasket says:
his book loses alot when put to audio tape. But having Morgan Freeman reading it was a boon.
crank 2 is classy
MaxwellDemon says:
So shocked was I by the vulgarity of this trailer that my monocle dropped from my eye and landed on my outstretched pinky, interrupting my self-pleasure.
-AND-
Donkey Hodey says:
That guy’s got his own version of sticking a daisy in a gun barrel as a form of peaceful protest.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/coen-brothers-adapting-true-grit&cp=2#comment-185215
Maxwell Demon:
Not to be confused with the other new movie from a 14yr-old girl’s POV, Grew Tit.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/diablo-codys-fempire#comments
Stone Soup says:
Apparently Fempires can’t see themselves in the mirror either.
Crank 2 thread. Stone Soup:
Also high-browed: Joan Rivers’ face. That bitch looks like she should be giving hand gestures to some Frenchman at the base of Devil’s Tower.
Not the funniest, but the Mount Cleverest of today’s posts.
Guy Who (usually) Looks Like a Thumb says:
Fempire.
Back.Fempire Free For All – http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/diablo-codys-fempire
B.K. knows how these chicks like their stationary…
The Fempire femblem is fembossed.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/the-silence-of-the-lambs-lego-musical#comments
Chino knows what boys like-
If he’s looking for fat chicks, he needs to go duplo.
Second Chino in the Silence of the Legos post.
I third Chino.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/new-hipster-parody-the-dirty-garage?cp=2
Crap -wow
Dirty Garage anagram:
Regard it gay
CRAP WOW! You know we can’t do this all day!
Dirty Garage
RoboPanda says:
Why are those two guys fighting over Cillian Murphy?
Gay Guys Like Pussy thread, Miggs keeps it short and simple with:
Dad?
guatamalan snowcone
Guy Who (usually) Looks Like a Thumb says:
TB, or not TB? That is the congestion.
terminator
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
The biker in that shot crashed and died when Christian Bale, trying to prove a point, trashed his landing ramp, stating it was “fucking distracting”.
she’s a talker
nezzer says:
You know you suck a cock every now and then and you tell yourself that you’re not gay, it’s just something you do every few days, but then you look down at the brush in your hand while listening to Snowball “talk” and realize all these years she wasn’t saying “I love to be brushed.” She was saying “I love to be brushed you faggot.”
pokemon skeet
Donkey Hodey says:
Pauly and I are doing an adaptation of this where we punt chickens to a watery grave. We’re calling it Pollo on the Cliff by the Sea.
where-the-wild-things-are
Crapbasket says:
I’ll just run the mental movie I made as a child when reading this as a child… [eyes roll back into head, wipe fade ala Star Wars...]
No Daddy! Not the belt sander! I didn’t see that last dog turd! You drink cuz I cry so I’ll stop crying I swear!
[fade in to eye rolling back]
Whoa, wrong trailer.
-THEN-
Armorcladinosor says:
Crappy, when did you see the trailer for Bloodsport 2?
-AND-
Burnsy says:
Michael Bay’s company has already ordered a reboot. In his version, the little boy will be played by Rachel Bilson, and she’ll be a streetwise high school transfer to suburban Topeka. One day, while out driving her custom GTO, she comes across a secret government facility that has been creating mutant warriors in a plot to take over the world. With the help of nerdy computer geek Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his hip and sarcastic ethnic friend Corbin Blue, they rescue the mutants and take off on a very… explosive adventure.
-AND-
Al says:
Am I the only one who hasn’t read this GD book? When I was a kid we didn’t have books, we told stories with pictures we etched on the walls.
-THEN-
Burnsy says:
Because in Canada, this book is called “Canada.”
ChinoMoreno FTW in the
hobonutsackWhere The Wild Things Are trailer thread . . .Spike Lee’s hobonutsack is filled with Brazil nuts.
And if ya don’t know, now ya know!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/more-awesome-news#comments
*stunned*
scum says:
I thought Kim K WAS an oranguntan. My bad, she just fucks them.
I’d second scum’s post, but I’m on double secret probation.
Donkey Hodey makes me happy:
*Ang Lee walks into a chinese buffet*
Ang: How much for the buffet? I’m Hungry
Cashier: NO, you Ang. Hung sitting ova dere!
Second Donk’s brilliant play on words.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/the-future-begins-to-repeat-itself
TengoDooter says:
My high school principal told me I had no future.
3 stooges
Charlie Br0nze says:
Apparently Penn “hasn’t done a comedy since the 1989 laffer We’re No Angels.” Ah the “1989 laffer We’re No Angels”, probably the most quoted movie of all time. Why, you can go any forum on this here internet – any forum – and i fucking guarantee you someone will throw in a direct quote or a sly reference to the “1989 laffer We’re No Angels”. Only yesterday i was reading about the fifty greatest Leeds United players and Disco Dave from Batley said, “Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank should be higher than no. 29″
subtitle redo
Mark It Zero says:
They better swap out my sign language version. It’s just 2 hours of a small chick at the bottom of the screen flicking me off and pretending to put a dick in her mouth.
Chris Klein has Carusatas
Donkey Hodey says:
Chris Klein was a very well-behaved child. His parents credit that to his inability to act up.
-AND-
Donkey Hodey says:
Chris Klein thinks the board on Family Feud is named “survey”.
star trek
nominus says:
Space . . . we’ll get there eventually.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/wesley-snipes-passport-revoked#comments
can’t stop chuckling over this one:
bryce says:
He told the Judge he was a hater. Then pimp rolled his way out of the court. He was last seen at the bus station getting angry with a clerk because none of the Greyhounds go to Namibia. He then fought with Gary Busey over who ‘owned’ the bench near the water fountain.
I second this:
Donkey Hodey says:
Chris Klein thinks the board on Family Feud is named “survey”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/robot-swordfight-exterminator-city#comments
Stone Soup:
“Hello. My name is 84888992642KC8. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/robot-swordfight-exterminator-city&cp=1#comment-186162
Mark it Zero:
It would have been more realistic if the robot’s head popped up when he lost his sword.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/robot-swordfight-exterminator-city#comments
Mark It Zero says:
It would have been more realistic if the robot’s head popped up when he lost his sword.
Have to add this one too:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/robot-swordfight-exterminator-city#comments
Stone Soup says:
This reminds me of the time my Roomba pulled a knife on my electric broom.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/robot-swordfight-exterminator-city?cp=2#comments
I could kick myself in the nuts for not thinking of this gem.
Crapbasket-
One robot is clearly made up of parts from an Olds Cutlass.
The other,
Probably a Le Sabre.
From Robot Exterminator Thread – Double NOM
jokerswild says:
That’s funny Crap, I prefer my swords to be a bit more rapier.
Crapbasket says:
One robot is clearly made up of parts from an Olds Cutlass.
The other,
Probably a Le Sabre.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/ice-age-trailer-recycles-r-rated-gags#comments
Stone Soup:
Dawn of the Dinosaurs was what we used to call the fat girl down the street.
-AND-
Donkey Hodey:
A good adult joke in a kids movie is like a good money shot. If you do it right, it’ll fly right over the six-year old’s head.
Dapper Wesley
Donkey Hodey says Snipes looks like Winnie the Pooh after getting his head stuck up Eeyore’s ass.
Those fourteen words do tell a story.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/when-vampires-stop-being-polite#comments
Chino Moreno on the banner pic:
Vampire Dog died from kennel coff(in)
:(
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/when-vampires-stop-being-polite&cp=1
Stone Soup:
I prefer dark thriller over pale kid toucher.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/dog-milking-goat&cp=1#comment-186344
teehee
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
The animals really had to pick up the slack whenever Old McDonald came home from one of his benders.
Seriously, 6Ways, this is fucking ridiculous.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/dog-milking-goat&cp=1#comment-186363
Donkey Hodey says:
That dog is just like every hippie poet I know. Always stroking his goat teet.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/crazy-bruces-liquor&cp=1#comment-186426
nezzer says:
“Like a crazy drunken neighbor at 2 AM, Crazy Bruce is there.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/first-pic-of-johnny-depp-in-rum-diary
Maxwell Demon:
Not pictured: knicknack, paddywhack.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/first-pic-of-johnny-depp-in-rum-diary
I may not know funny enough to say it, but I know it when I see it, and Kurgan is friggin funny:
If you need me, I’ll be in the Lab.
2nd Kurg, and Max.
3rd Kurg re: “in the Lab.” Pope jokes are a dead end.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/when-vampires-stop-being-polite
Al beds down with my childhood:
The grim reality of bedding down with a monster is all the cookie crumbs in the bed in the morning.
I can’t keep up with you funny fucks this week.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/first-pic-of-johnny-depp-in-rum-diary#comments
nezzer says:
Is that the direct to DVD sequel of “All dogs go to heaven?”
–
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/03/tom-hanks-doing-nic-cage-again#comments
Shop 101 says:
So, the Vatican wants Tom Hanks to steal 60 cars in 24 hours ? I zoned out, it was a little talky.
You ‘member that post from Saturday where there was a picture of the lion and a giraffe? Yeah, that one. Yeah, that pic is awesome! And Vince had all those links and shit, then there was the one about that Sham-Wow guy…yeah that guy. Well, Duke said:
Smoking Gun must have left out the part where she jacked him off with a Tater Mitt.
That was fucking awesome, huh?