That’s right, folks, it’s Chuck Norris’ 69th birthday today. Though when you’re Chuck Norris, every day is your 69th birthday, if you catch my drift. Anyway, let’s all celebrate by not mentioning any gay Chuck Norris facts (Gary Busey facts are better anyway – for instance, did you know Gary Busey mails goldfish crackers to cash4gold.com?). Instead, watch Chuck Norris wrestle a bear. SPOILER ALERT: he defeats the bear using only his mind. Because Chuck Norris knows that the mind is the most powerful weapon. Especially if you teach it karate.
Additional tidbit: Dracula Bear would’ve kicked his ass.
[Thanks to Fek'lhr for the reminder]
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Cutting Baxter out of that scene really changes the whole complexion.
At about the 50-second mark, I think the facial overlaps are supposed to signify Chuck Norris’ revelation that he and the bear are indeed brothers in the same woods.
Strangely enough, that bear’s name is Rihanna.
*chodin enters FilmDrunk ice skate rink, steps on ice, falls face first*
Hey, I think I can see JonBenet under the ice!
Sure, Chuck Norris may have wrestled that bear, but Gary Busey is the one who nearly fucked its species extinct.
The only thing that makes Busey blush is when bananas come in bunches.
Wrestling a bear has an entirely new meaning nowadays judging by the snapshots my barber slips into my cardigan first Tuesday of every month.
B.J. and the Bear was originally slated to star Gary Busey under the title “Busey and the Bear”.
Bears generally won’t eat the sickly or the dying.
Does a bear shit in the woods?
No. It shits where Chuck Norris tells it to shit if it knows what’s good for it.
Little do you know, Chuck Norris fed that bear pineapple for two weeks prior to filming.
Not ever a fucking grizzly bear will take a ginger in its mouth.
Gary Busey already has a bearskin rug, so he doesn’t mess with them anymore. He’s been hunting fores for the greater part of a decade.
Gary Busey’s CB handle is ‘Fuck Chuck’.
That fight sort of reminds me of the violence that typically ensues if the roofie coladas wear off before I have a chance to tie the ladies up in my basement.
That motherfucker is 69 and looks like that?
*orders Total Gym, throws away Tae-Bo DVD*
The trick to getting a bear to leave you alone is to play dead. Norris looked it right in the eyes and the bear figured “Fuck it, close enough” and walked off.
Chuck Norris: “I…I wrestled a bear today, Gary.”
Gary Busey: “Yeah, that’s really impressive, Chuck…now shut the fucking fridge.”
*Busey takes a long sip from his full glass of grizzly bear jizz*
Chuck Norris called Jack Lalanne an “old geezer cunt” and then killed him with a headbutt to the juicer.
Gary Busey once grounded Chuck Norris for teeth dragging.
At the People’s Choice Awards, Gary Busey really freaked Jennifer Garner out because he actually told her he wanted “to wear her face as a diaper”.
Busey: Hell, if you need somebody to pop up outta some water and fire a machine gun at some gooks, call Chucky Norris. If you need a guy to pop outta the ball pit at Mickey D’s and throw some chicken nuggets at the fat kids, then I’m your man.
Busey: While I may not have the looks and martial arts skills of my friend Chuck Norris, I’ve got the mental prowess to survive in the woods with a belt sander and magic beans.
This video is a metaphor for going to my mom’s house.
You know Chuck Norris is a pussy because he requested the bear’s pubes be trimmed.
Chuck Norris: “Hey Gary, I once killed 100 assassins with a single sword.”
*takes a pull from his Zima*
Gary Busey: “Hey Chuck, I haven’t had to wipe my ass in over 18 years.”
*throws back shot glass of unleaded gasoline*
Nic Cage has watched this clip over a thousand times, for motivation.
For ALL his films.