The one good thing about psychotic fundementalist Christians is that they make hilariously terrible movies for each other. Below, you can watch the trailer for C Me Dance (“A dance that shines through darkness”), which, as you can imagine, is basically Step Up 2 the Streets for people who love fetuses. Just like in Hollywood, the protagonist has to win the dance competition to pay for a relative’s operation. Only this time it’s not greedy developers she has to contend with, it’s… SATAN! Oh hey, and did I mention there’s a random split-second shot of Jesus being nailed to the cross spliced in there? Because of course there is. Fundie movies without Jesus being nailed to the cross are like french fries without salt.
[hat tip: videogum]
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You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
Yes. Yes I have.
I think we’re on the same period cycle.
I used to be on my church’s dance team.
It was pretty lame. All we did was lay prostrate for ten minutes to the music of Stryper.
Our choreographer was not very good.
C Me Dance
F you, man.
Kirk Cameron saw this trailer and made a farting noise with his mouth followed up by three wanks.
If that relative’s operation were an abortion this could have played Sundance.
“…are like rape without the giggling.”
Uncle Ron changed my life when I was 6 and in my fundies.
C Me Dance narrowly beat out the title
Breakin 2 Christian Boogaloo.
I mean it only won by like a cunt hair.
These dancers should all do “The Rapture Dance”
It is an easy dance.
Step 1) Leave.
They’re already printing out promotional t-shirts for this film. They’ll read “Dance like nobody is watching (except for Jesus).”
Ironically enough, The Mighty Feklahr prefers His fundies with salt as well.
Awww shake shake shake
Shake shake shake
Shake the demons out.
So do the fundies finally prove the world is flat by tap dancing off the edge? How about proving evolution wrong by successfully mating with a chimpanzee?
Wouldn’t be a fundie thread w/o The Mighty One making cannibal jokes, now would it?
Lince, tell Him now: Go off on this, or keep it cool? The Mighty Feklahr will default to “keep it cool” if you don’t respond, but He will couple it with fat chick jokes and intergalactic racism.
WHA HA HA! Did you see that fat Romulan chick He smurfed??? She looked like battered and fried targ after that! BOOSH!
They had to change the entire soundtrack once the finally realized that Kris Kross isn’t religious music.
Get it? Because Romulans like fried targ, gahmelon, and baktag drank! Dor sho gha!
I think Jennifer Beals successfully mated with a chimpanzee in Flashdance. At least that’s how I choose to remember it.
Don’t even get Him started on the Spoonhead Cardies! You gotta roll their women around in flour and qovlpath the wet spot!!!
I like to think Travis the chimpanzee was just trying to mate with Charla Nash and was performing a new mating ritual.
What? Too soon?
Ummm…The devil was Arnold Schwartzenegger’s stunt man in Collateral Damage? Didn’t see that coming.
The Mighty Feklahr’s fave scene from this movie is where they hold a mountaintop awakening, find fossils of sea life, and proclaim it as evidence for the Noah’s Ark flood! BONG!!!
Gary Busey eats fundies for breakfast.
Even if the Devil won, the Christians would somehow make you believe he lost like they always do. who really thought Johnny beat the Devil in “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” or that Ralph Macchio really outplayed Steve Vai in “Crossroads”?
Fucking Christian liars.
Wow Kurgan. Tell us how you really feel.
When you looked at me….I saw God. And then he whispered, “This bitch got AIDS”
“A dance that shines through darkness”
The Electric Slide?
ROFLKOTAL! That banner pic always reminds Him of His high school class reunion in ’05 (the same year He got Grond!)!
S-S-S-S-A-A-A-A-T-T-T-T-A-A-A-A-N-N-N-N
You can dance if you want to, you can sell your soul to me
Cause your God don’t care if you go down there for all eternity.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled…was a Reverse Airbaby after a five rotation Helicoptor head spin.
Of course the invisible Jew fairy would inspire shitty dancing like this. When fucking Kahless inspires, you get shit like “Macarena”, “UFC”, and “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”!
Nooo, she has to dance against STAN, the guy with colored contacts and a speech impediment, duhhhh
Well, no one will be accusing Him of not trying in this post!
That doesn’t look like uplifting entertainment to me.
NOBODY PUTS UNBORN BABY IN A CORNER!
First Tenacious D has to battle Satan in a rock off. Now this chic has to battle Satan in a dance off. What is the devil doing in Hell this whole time? Sitting on a couch eating Pringles watching VH1′s Saturday afternoon lineup?
Damn you, Donk…damn you to Grethor…
Come on hands are bleedin’ when you got stigmata
Cannot wait for Jesus, baby any longer
Don’t you feel your faith is growing even stronger?
Ain’t nothing to it, baby when you got stigmata.
A dance that shines through darkness
The one I do for change in front of the local Albertson’s.
Now I have you with me
Under my power
Our love grows stronger now
With every hour
Look into my eyes
And see who I am
My name is Lucifer
*EVERYONE JAZZ HANDSSS!*
I can only imagine how hard it would be to dance against Satan. It was really tough when me and my crew would have to go against the Salsa Boys.
Nail-Hole-In-Foot-Loose
When you dance with Jesus in the sand, there are only one set of footprints.
The devil went down to California. He was lookin’ for a soul to steal. He was in a bind ’cause
he was way behind, and he was willin’ to make a deal, when he came across this young man
cabbage patchin’ and it looked hot. And the devil jumped up on a Prius and said,
“Boy, let me tell you what.
I guess you didn’t know it but I’m a bad, white boy dancer, too. And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll
make a bet with you. Now, you dance pretty awkwardly with your arms, boy, but give the devil his due. I’ll bet
a WWJD braclet against your soul, ’cause I think I’m better than you.”
The boy said, “My
name’s Kirk, and it might be a sin. But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret, ’cause I’m
the best that’s ever been.”
Kirk, rosin up your Keds and do the robot, ’cause hell’s broke loose in California and
the devil deals the cards. And if you win you get this WWJD bracelet. But if you lose,
the devil gets your soul.
[Jesus up in heaven is munching on a BLT and looking down upon creation, with a look of derision]
I did what? For who?!
Satanic Slippers: For the tiny dancer in you.
You know who’s happy to be a heathen?
This guy! [thumbs to chest with rock horns]
How long until the South Park spoof of this. [salivates]
The Pentacostal break dance team should take this hands down. Those guys practice every weekend.
You can’t understand a thing that their acapella group is singing though.
So, Satan looks like Ron Pearlman?
That’s pretty fucked up, yo.
Well, Ron Pearlman was Hellboy, Crappy. Makes sense.
My daddy handles snakes at church.
”A dance that shines through darkness”
That’s why strippers wear glitter, right?
This is like Flashdance meets The Excorcist. Pretty fucking awesome.
So this takes place on the coast of Maine?
Being the white boy from Nebraska that I am, I would say I “Shuffle from side to side with Jesus” more than actually dance.
This must be the prequel to Footloose, which explains why the town is so anti-dance. Any politically savvy mayor would ban dancing if the devil was coming to town every time someone did the foxtrot.
I really can’t think of a dance movie that isn’t terrifying.
Isn’t this the Fame remake?
Lame.
C Me Dance 2: Born again to dance
Hold the fucking phones!
Did Stone Soup just make a geography joke up this piz-ece?
*looks up Bay of Fundy on Wiki*
Well played, sir.
The Six Commandments of Dance
1. Thou shalt put thine right foot in.
2. Thou shalt take thine right foot out.
3. Thou shalt once again put thine right foot in.
4. Thou shalt shakest thine right foot about.
5. Thou shalt do the Hokey Pokey.
6. Thou shalt turn thineself around, for that is what it is all about.
I hate how fundies always try to tell you the Jesus was a virgin. You know that guy got nailed at least three times.
Where are the black people?
Is this what Bush has been up to since he left office.
Will they save the rec(tory) center?
@ uckyPiss, jail.
Props to Erswi for catching my subtleties today.
Maine? Americans.
Now that’s Blasfunny!
new up!
LIAR!
Just for that, I’m making you dance with Jesus for the Easter Program.
Jesus can dance with them two guys…
DEEZ NUTS!
Fact:
The Chicken Dance is a one-way ticket to Heaven.
Fact.
The road to hell is paved with Good Vibrations.
I can’t wait for the sequel to this. C Nuns Dance: Back 2 The Habit
Have you ever seen fundies at a concert? They just stand there with their arms raised, eyes closed, mouthing words. Where I come from, that’s not “dancing,” that’s “getting arrested.”
new up! (fuck you, you forshak lapping duplicate comment detector, you can kiss His Klingon ass, you fucking cunt)
Fek, is it me or does the devil look like Chakotay after a binder?
Flash Dance meets Brian’s Song with heaping helpings of Hellraiser and Jacob’s Ladder. Kids, the station wagon is gassed up and we’re headed for the Studio Movie Grille for the puke-a-thon.