Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke won’t be directing the Twilight sequel, but she’s found another project that’s even better!
Hardwicke is in talks to direct a film adaptation of another young-adult fantasy series, “Maximum Ride.” The five-volume series by James Patterson chronicles six teens, known as the Flock, who are genetically altered so that they are part human and part bird. Learning to fly, they escape the laboratory where they have been housed and are pursued by a pack of creatures called the Erasers that are part human and part wolf. [Yahoo]
Patterson isn’t a Mormon housewife like Stephenie Meyers so this probably won’t be an abstinence parable, but he did sell 16 million books in 2007. That’s one out of every 15 novels sold. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned this or not, this book is about HUMAN-BIRD HYBRIDS. I always wondered what those books they sell at Wal-Mart were about. I hope at some point, they poop on the bad guy’s car.
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At least tell me the human-wolf hybrids have guns for when the bird-men just fly the fuck away when approached.
I hope Warren Zevon is on the soundtrack
I wasn’t really paying attention while I was reading that but did that post say Arnold Schwatzeneggar will be reprising his role as the Eraser in a porno called Maximum Ride?
Finally!!! The long awaited sequel to Sesame Street’s “FOLLOW THAT BIRD”.
I guess it would be too much of a stress to refer to the wolf-people as “The Pack”. Or were they afraid one of them would get confused for
Brett FavreEmilio Estevez?Members of the Flock are so vain. They’re always just staring at themselves in mirrors.
You know how I’m sometimes harping on Hollywood to come up with new, fresh ideas instead of rehashing old stuff?
Yeah, fuck that. Bring on an Armageddon remake!
The good thing about making them bird-people is that nobody seems to get offended that you have characters calling other characters cloacas in kids books.
In order to compete for Twilight’s audience, Hardwicke will change the name of the bad guys to the Erasures.
QAPLAH! Tastes just like chicken!
Gary Busey is lobbying hard for the role of “Lucky”, the Eraser’s German Shorthair hunting dog.
Fans of the Maximum Ride series are often heard saying, “Gotta get laid, gotta get laid.”
Takashi Miike should be pissed. No, seriously, any of you see “The Bird People in China”?
I thought “Maximum Ride” was about when all the roller coasters became sentient and evil.
Will Kevin McDonald make a cameo as the Bearded Woman?
Jennifer Aniston will play one of their first failed experiments. They wanted to make her into a human/bird hybrid, but only managed to grow a beak on an otherwise normal human.
Spoiler, one of the wolf people figures out that he just needs to throw a towel over the bird people’s heads and they go to sleep.
Meanwhile, Liam Neeson’s wife is starring in the upcoming drama “Minimum Walk”.
Is this story based on that Jeep commercial?
What’s so MAXIMUM about this ride? I’ll tell you! They drink like birds!!
A genetically altered bird is when A-Rod flips you off.
An important subplot will involve one of the wolf-people struggling to cope with the loss of their adolescent years. It will either be played by Michael J. Fox or Jason Bateman.
Its just like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, only less believable.
Twilight Twat Tweaks Tweet Twaddle
VaLince, those pictures from my birthday party are copywritten!
*Spoiler Alert* The Flock eventually breaks up and they each go their separate ways. One guy finds himself a tour-guide for a now-closed San Francisco prison. Another goes to law school. The rest are just lost to the four winds
“And I fly-y-y, I fly so far a-way-ay-ay”
*Spoiler Alert* You have to wait exactly 14 minutes into the movie before your first “flock” pun. The good news is that you never have to wait more than 90 seconds for the next one during the rest of the film.
Can’t wait for the sequel – MAX2MUM RIDE
I think I preferred this movie when it was done by Alfred Hitchcock.
This plot stinks to high heaven. It’s just fowl.
Alternate title: The Feathered and The Furious.
Adrian Brody is going to be such the star again after this movie
So let me get this straight. The director of TWILIGHT, based on a work of JAMES PATTERSON, about a flock of BIRD-PEOPLE!!!
I’ll bet the stack that this is being sponsored by the government as a weapon in the war on terror.
I wonder if there has ever been a class-action brought against a movie before?
The Flock’s second greatest enemy? Clean windows.
Fucking Furries… *hides his Bugs Bunny plushie*