So, me and Hangover Bear were just sitting here, trying to figure out what we ate after closing time last night, when I came upon these clips of Bill O’Reilly talking about sex (from the audio book of Those Who Trespass, a novel he published in 1998). Needless to say, I’ve since purged and I feel a lot better. I think my favorite clip is, “She OBEDIENTLY performed oral SEX on him. Five feet away, the OTHER teenage girl sat on a MATRESS on the floor and watched, GREEDILY sucking on a CRACK PIPE Robo had passed to her.” Write what you know, I guess.
“Say baby, put down that pipe and get MY pipe UP.”
“I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on.”
“Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds.”
This one I just call “Smooth Jazz Sex Shower”
Lots more clips over at VillageVoice.
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In fairness, RoboPanda is always the most generous with his crackpipes.
Only 2 teenage girls? My my, Bill O’Reilly has a much less vivid imagination than I do
“Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds.”
A common request when Harry Knowles visits his doctor.
I am not hungover, but seeing as how my son has a double ear infection I have not gotten nearly enough sleep to deal wiff this.
See you in the next thread.
All these excerpts are in Bill O’Reilly’s new book…How To Be A Fucker In Every Sense Of The Word brought to you by Random House Publishing available where fine books are sold.
“Now, lets put these dogs in the bathtub”
“Unnatural acts right here in this shower”
Amy Whinehouse(Cringing): Like…bathe???
*points to crotch* “I call this my No Spit Zone.”
Bill’s XBox Live gamertag is SmoothJazzSexShower and that fucker is goooooood at Call of Duty 4.
Ah…Bill O’Reilly. I could listen to you read the phone book. No…wait. Sorry. Silly me. I meant to say I could beat you with a phone book.
*points to Pauly’s crotch* He also calls this his Sit and Spin Zone.
Should be easier now to launch his Pinhead or Pussy Magnet segment.
Hangover? Oh so that’s what he calls that thing on his the top of his head.
Bill O’Reilly and Pat O’Brien should have a dirty talk-off.
BILL: To go down on you? What does that mean? To go down on you?
HOOKER: It means to pleasure me, down there…orally.
BILL: I don’t know what that is…I’ve never seen that…I have know idea…
HOOKER: Well we could do it tomorrow–
BILL: We’ll do it live.
HOOKER: No need to get–
BILL: We’ll do it live!!
HOOKER: Calm down.
BILL(Toss papers angrily): This whole thing sucks!!!
“Do you mind if I gently deficate on your sternum?”
Durst with the shit play?
Teenage girls. Come on Bill…Tween is the new Teenage girl.
It’s about time he put out an instructional book.
You can read more about this in his controversial follow-up “The O’Reilly Fucked Her”
It’s true. I’m always ready to share the pipe wif my friends.