Michelle Owen of Indiana was worried that her boyfriend had used her computer to search for child porn [note to FBI word search computer: these are not the droids you're looking for]. So like any responsible citizen dating a suspected child molester, she took it in for the police to examine.
…but her plan backfired when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog [sad trombone sound]. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop’s “recycle bin.” At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she “knew what those files might be.” Owen replied, “The one with the dog.” Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was “going to be charged with this,” Owen said that the videos “were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it.” [thesmokinggun]
I can understand arresting her if she was a dude, but for a female it seems harsh – the mechanics of dog f–king would seem to imply that the dog was a willing participant. Unless she was hammering the beagle from behind with a strap-on, in which case, damn, this bitch really knows how to party. Sidenote: “The Mechanics of Dog F–king” would be an awesome name for an intramural softball team.




Looks like this time, Lady and The Tramp were one in the same person
*Puts on sunglasses*
WAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!
As someone who regularly uses the “drunk and barely remember it” defense far too regularly, even my dumb ass knows the boundaries of basic civilization.
I dunno. After looking at her mugshot, it seems like it was just dog on dog sex to me. No harm no foul.
She really screwed the pooch.
I like to fuck doggystyle by painting my dick red.
Lady Dog Fucker was my mom’s CB handle for a while. We liked it better than Mother of Dog-Children.
Oh Pauly. How did I not think of that?
My ex wife fucked Dog the Bounty Hunter once. To her credit, she thought he was really a dog.
She heard that the best cure for a hangover was a little hair of the dog.
My money’s that she stuck a milkbone in her snatch and got the dog to eat it/her out
Look at that desperate little fucker. He’s beagling for it.
So did the videographer have to turn the hose on them when they were finished?
Ironically, the dog is being arrested on child porn charges for fucking a person who works out to be 3 1/2 years old in his time.
Although I have to agree with her, if I was going to have sex with a dog it would be with a beagle…
What?! Charlie Brown knows what I’m talkin’ bout.
The beagle was later overheard bragging to his friends that they did it “drunk girl-style”.
Wait, when did it become illegal to fuck a dog?
This isn’t fair, peanut butter was always a guy thing.
Officer: Mr. Dangerously, we found a filea on your computer. Do you know what it might be?
Pauly: Uhh…is it the one with Burnsy, Chodin, and Donk, with the bowling pin and the Brazillian midget the kilo of coke and the Thai lady-boy that was smuggled into the US illegally?
Officer: Ummm. No, sir….it was just a .jpg of a retarded kid. All I wanted to know is where you got the pic from, man.
Boning for bones. Seems like a fair trade (for the dog anyway)
This isn’t fair, peanut butter was always a guy thing.
She wasn’t using peanut butter, Burnsy. She was using roast beef.
Oh Pauly. How did I not think of that?
Are you back-talkin’ me, boy?
Leave it to my best friend to fuck my girl.
She likes her sex “ruff”
As long as some dude doesn’t try to teach that dog how to play felch…
Judging by that picture, I’d think she’d prefer a coonhound.
From the police report:
“Owen closed her eyes and leaned her head back. The dog then appeared to lose interest and walked out of view of the camera as Owen continued to rub her vagina and smoker her cigarette”
Porn 101 – gotta edit out the part where the actor just wanders off, no longer interested.
But really, when I fuck doggystyle I grip the woman’s hips with my wrist and drool on her back until someone shoots a water hose at me to get off her.
Damn those nitpicking laws
Feeding your dog peanut butter from a bowl = Legal
Feeding your dog peanut butter from your vagina = Illegal
They were making voyeur porn. It was a seeing eye dog and the cameraman just didn’t get the blind guy masturbating in the shot.
Haha! I love you, Patches.
Snoopy put it in her poopy.
You and I might call him a beagle, but the other dogs have taken to calling him “Cocker”.
“were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it.”
Hence why she video taped it. Ahhh, memories….
The Boyfriend: I don’t know why, but it seems like every time I take him for a walk, he wants to pull against his leash. It…it’s almost as though he wants me to choke him.
was worried that her boyfriend had used her computer to search for child porn
I would’ve thought her biggest worry would be explaining to her gynecologist why her pussy had rabies.
She’s no longer allowed to live within 100 yards of pounds, city parks, or dog tracks.
So this is getting turned into a movie? I’m totally cosplaying for the premier.
To her, 101 Dalmations isn’t a movie, it’s a challenge.
Toby should have to be a registered AKC sex offender for getting more sex than me.
“Honey, why isn’t this anti-crab shampoo working?”
“Woof Woof”
(Translation: “Dear, you need a flea-bath”)
Well this certainly can’t help her child custody case.
She’d totally win the I-did-a-dog up in Alaska
I like to put peanut butter on my penis and when the dog looks all inquisitive about what the fuck I’m doing I take the cigar out of my mouth and shout “It’s a bone, you lucky dog!”
Lady Marmaduke:
Voulez Vouz Couchez Avec Dog, Ce Soir?
To put Toby in the mood, she does a striptease on all fours to Bark At The Moon.
This reminds me of a really funny story that I cant talk about while the lawsuit is still pending.
It got even worse when the dog started yelling “Say my name!” at her and she replied “Your name is Toby!” over and over.
Wow, if this is how they party in Indiana I really haven’t seen enough of the world. With the exception of Indiana.
[stumbles in eyes glazed, drooling, smoking from the ears. mumbles]
…variable V.I. ratio packages equalizes separator pressure to discharge pressure thereby eliminating over or under compression and maximizing TR to KWh efficiencies to within 10% of…
[flips over bar stool, cops a squat, pounds piss boot, reads post]
Holy Pound Puppy! Her, “I was so druck I got nailed by a dog” drunk story beats the fuck out of my “I popped my buddy’s eye out with a lawnchair” drunk story.
Toby’s lucky she came first. Otherwise, she’d have taken him out back. I think thats why they shot Old Yeller
No you cunt! I asked if you wanted a bagel and cream cheese!
Michelle was very irritated when she wanted to cuddle after the sex, but Toby just kept spinning in circles on the bed before he would lay down.
Her pet name for her kitty is dog house.
The dog lost interest when he saw she only had two nipples.
Toby is a dog who does not need to chase his tail.
I’m curious if this is why a puppy’s breath smells like it does. Those little idiots lick every goddamned thing that’s put in front of them and most dog breeders are weird motherfuckers.
This dog doesn’t play fetch, he plays felch.
When this dog chases tail, he really chases tail.
Sit, Ubu, spin. Good dog.
[reads Chino's post]
Piss boots on me.
[Micheal Vick charges into room, electrocutes Michelle with car battery, runs away]
Once you go Beagle…
She used to put a lampshade collar on him when she went out to make sure he wouldn’t take himself out of the mood before she got back home.
Cesar Milan calls this chick the dog moaner.
Kinda makes you wonder what the fuck all of Oprah’s dogs are dying from, eh?
She was making a doggy porn movie that was going to be titled “Marley In Me”
FLYING CARS!!!!!! QAPLAH!
[sciencefail.blogspot.com]
*Toby walks into room wearing velvet robe, takes a sip of water from his bowl, sits on couch*
Eh, beagle, bloodhound, all depends on what day of the month we’re talking about.
Dog scat porn = Dog Piles ?
Then she was gonna make another doggy porn movie called Turner and Cooch.
The scene was featured on the porn “Beethoven’s 69th”
She doesn’t love Toby, she just loves his doggy style.
Toby got confused when she told him to come.
Not having a vagina, at least in the literal sense, I would think she’d rather have a cat.
She took the Red Rocket Ride to Dogtown.
*paints dick red*
Ready for His flying car now KTHNXBAI!!!
Kudos to the cops for being able to tell that it wasn’t just a video of two dogs fucking.
On second thought, make that “Cujos” to the cops”.
The problem with making amateur bestiality porn is that it’s hard to get people to watch it.
“Police, I think you need to search my computer. Oh I didn’t know there was animal porn on the computer…would you like to see me with a horse?”
Boxer? I hardly knew her!!
Her favorite band is Three Dog Night.
[sighs deeply]
…meanwhile, I’m not getting laid…
[runs in front of speeding train]
It’s peanut butter Toby time!
Oh, that’s because you’re not putting cat nip on your dick, Crappy. What? That shit drives pussy crazy!
To spice things up, sometimes Michelle dresses Toby in a Red Baron outfit or they’ll do it on top of his kennel.
Imagine if they would’ve got stuck and she tried to walk around.
Wow them thare is some proud parents.
So the man loses the computer that he uses to watch child pornography and the woman loses the dog she has sex with, all in the name of true love? This is exactly like O. Henry’s
classic “The Gift of the Pedi”.
I’m glad I’m not the next boyfriend in Michelle’s life. No mortal man could possible top the tongue lashing that cooter’s gotten.
And to think. My dog drools like a retard on the ferris wheel when I even walk near the treats jar.
That dog is a star. A bright shining dog star.
Sidenote: “The Mechanics of Dog F–king” would be an awesome name for an intramural softball team.
Tru dat.
My softball team is named “The Jonothan Brandis Memorial Softball Team”
Breaking news! Dog loves Pussy! End is Nigh!
They used to say a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s. Not this one’s.
Her prison movie will be “Caged (in) Heat.”
I knew a dog named taco. This dog maimed a taco.
/Michelle seductively rubs the bed next to her/
“I know what you want Toby. You want me to beggin’ strip.”
Of course Michelle Owen fucks dogs.
Everyone knows that Owen’s heart died when it fell from the top of the Kemper Arena during WWF’s Over The Edge in 1999.
Her cellmate will call her Marmadyke.
/not to assume her cellmate is homophobic, for that makes me the close-minded one
What is Indiana’s Snausage of consent?
It’s a dog eat cat world.
Ho Tel(evise her predilection) For Dogs
The cops asked her why she fucked the dog and her she said it was because “her parakeet was gay and the cat’s dick wasn’t big enough”.
and her she-itttt.
So could this arrest be considered a dog collar?
This is just Ron Jeramy’s TV ad for Greyhound.
Jeremy? Dont care.
She had to have caught some kind of S.T.Flea.
Toby won the title ‘Best in Toe’
In her defense, Toby looked great. He was dressed to the canines.
Her HIV test came back Alpo.
Toby is a total poonhound!!
Toby is an expert in the fine art of kennelingus.
Toby taught Michelle how to roll over.
Michelle has had impure thoughts dogging her all day.
Michelle was upset when Toby didn’t collar the next day.
Michelle can really relate to Hamlet’s dilemma.
You fuckers are killing me over here.
Toby likes his women like he likes his food. Moist and right outta the can.
*chodin swings into post, covered in semen, wearing a devo hat*
I stole this hat from John Wayne!
FUCK Mike!
*drinks piss boot, passes it to Donk*
BTK, Valince, did you know that the Might Fekhlar once killed a man? QAPLAH!!!
Durst.
R.I.P. Dan Rosen
Toby was really diggin’ that hole.
Ya dig??
They could K69
*chodin swings into post, covered in semen, wearing a devo hat*
I stole this hat from John Wayne!
FUCK Mike!
*drinks piss boot, passes it to Donk*
BTK, Valince, did you know that the Might Fekhlar once killed a man? QAPLAH!!!
Durst.
R.I.P. Dan Rosen
Are you the new dude from Double Dragon?
Toby like to chase after arse.
Pauly, the only thing that I’m Double Dragon, is these balls across your face.
Seriously, I love you guys though, you all do a magnificent job here.
GRRRR heterosexuality, etc, etc.
*wink, gun fingers*
What police don’t know is the time that Toby called all his dog buddies over and they ran the chuck wagon on her.
Michelle encourages Toby to get into the trash.
He probably nibbled her bits like Kibbles ‘n bits.
I wonder if she let him through the “doggy door”
/Gravy Train!
//slaps forehead, curses memory
Makes it’s own gravy!!
I’m not sure which is creepier, this dog fuckabitch or this lovely couple in Australia.
I chose the latter, Robo.
*Pauly climbs up latter leading to nothing, falls off at top*
Careful not to bang your head on the terra former, Pauly.
You’re a latter-day saint, Pauly.
Pffft. Those Australians are pussies, RoboPanda.
Austria is where the REAL daughter-fucking is at….
Yeah, Austria is really going to the dogs. Speaking of which . . .
Michelle’s husband was relieved–when she had yelled out “Toby” in bed, he thought she meant the doofus from Spiderman.
Michelle’s dog gave HER a bone!
She puts the Ha! in “HaDiBah!”
Right, Fek?
She got a blue ribbon for BESTial IN SHOW.
In the video, Michelle was dressed as Daisy Duck and appeared to be acting out some “bad boy” fetish.
[ancient Disney gag that no one will get. But that's okay, coz it ain't funny anyway]
Bow-wow-wow-licky-hole-licky-hey!
Bow-wow-licky-hole-licky-hey!
Who let the dogs out (of her sex dungeon)?
who who who who
Her unhealthy obsession extends to Bob Barker.
It’s just puppy love.
A licky licky bum bum down?
It’s a dog-eat-girl world out there, kids.
Toby prefers the missionary position as he is the top dog.
She’s just making sure she has as much kinky sex as possible before menopaws sets in.
She gave the dog a cupcake.
Cujo became alarmed when Michelle started frothing at the lips.
“she took it in for the police to examine.”
BITCH!
She calls Toby her Pound Puppy.
Hey, didn’t “LADY DOG F-KER” sing Groove is in the Heart?
Here in China they cut a hole in the dog and put him in the microwave before.
The dead bird Toby left at the foot of her door means they’re going steady.
*Pauly enters home with wine coolers and Milkbones in hand*
Princess! [whistles] C’mere puppy! Princess, I got Milkbones!
*McGruff comes out from the kitchen*
Awww fuck! Dude, she said she was 18 in dog years!
Didn’t there used to be a band called Mike and The Mechanics of Dog Fucking? Yeah, fuck those guys.
I got my ASE certification in the mechanics of Dog Fucking
She insists that it was just heavy petting.
Toby refuses to eat his tuna out of a can.
And to think, I used to smack my dog with the newspaper just for humping everybody’s leg.
When reached for comment the beagle rubbed his forehead, exhaled deeply, shrugged and said “what can I say? Jaegermeister does some funky shit to me man”
Read the Police Report – Lemme get this straight- the dog, which *will* eat it’s own poop, lost interest and walked away after working her “region” for just a little while?
Is there such a thing as Industrial Strength Douche?
LOL she is a mustang chick!!!!
[www.allfordmustangs.com]
Hell, she put a little gravy on her pussy and the dog licked it off. I used to do the same thing with my dick during my younger dog-days of summer. I’ve had many dogs over the years, but my favorite would have to be Rex, the red-headed spaniel – gentle but thorough. Boy I haven’t thought of that dog for a while (not since after my first divorce). Good times.
Michelle Owen, innocent victim of rape by a dog’s tongue. Now being raped by and a victim of an impartial Justice system which, if she is convicted of the trumped-up felony charges, will keep her from realizing her childhood dream of becoming a psychiatric brain surgeon and the first woman Chief Justice of the Supreme Court who refused to perjure her way to the top like Clarence Thomas did!
Mar 18, 2009 … Indiana Michelle Owen, an intelligent, pretty and youthful 24-year-old, who once had her whole life ahead of her, is now languishing away in a jail cell facing two counts of felony bestiality charges after being horribly assaulted by the tongue of a beagle by the name of Toby. The police are alleging that the vivacious Michelle enjoyed the sexual advance the dog made on her when he briefly gave her vulva a lick after some peanut butter had fallen by accident onto the nubile young woman’s attractive vagina.
Without being advised of her Bill Clinton Rights that she could go on national television and say she never had sex with that dog Toby; the police are now claiming, after repeatedly viewing the video the dog made the terrified woman make of the incident, that they do not believe she was in sufficient enough terror to have passed out without being able to whimper or at least moan for help to anyone besides her ex boy friend who was also present when she was attacked and telling his best friend, Toby the dog, to “Go for it, boy!”
Nor was the young woman advised that if, when sober, she is a dumb enough blond to know what the meaning of “is” is she could have easily said at any time that she hated every horrible moment of the dog licking the peanut butter from between her legs. Legal experts are now wondering if she could have also used the Legal Claws of the O.J. Simpson case by going on a low-speed chase in a Land Rover except for the fact that no one tries to run from the law in a Land Rover anymore due to the cost of gasoline. Therefore a D.A. is arguing she was always free to go offer a kiss to all of the officers’ asses in the precinct for giving her 15 minutes of fame regardless of how much she didn’t want to get it with this amount of embarrassment.
Michelle now has a publicist and an ad campaign manager as well as a book and a movie in the making about her life and experiences with Toby. But her lawyer, who managed to have the death penalty taken off of the table for her alleged crime, said he was not at liberty to discuss whether or not Nancy Grace had contacted Ms. Owen for an interview to ask her what it was like to have her cunt licked by a dog. However the lawyer did state that because the video, which the dog had made of his crime and then posted on the Internet, was not a close up it will be argued in Court that the State’s assertion that the Sophist Doctrine of Law does not apply which would indicate the evidence obtained is bad fruit and simply a case of sour grapes by the D.A.
For the defence contends that there was no clear and actual physical contact between the dog’s mouth and Ms. Owen’s vaginal secretions which the State is claiming attacked the animal’s tongue. This is because it can clearly be seen in the video that there is a molecular thin layer of peanut butter between the defendant’s bikini line and that of her attackers snout which would at least indicate there was no clear and present danger to society as a whole. That would raise serious questions about the State’s ability to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt even though the young Rogues Scholar was clearly under the influence of a rape drug like Canineabis which would have left her powerless to resist any animal’s advances and despite having already been convicted, to the relief of her accusers, in the Court of public opinion.
Meanwhile, the Interdenominational Group of Jewish and Islamic Animal Whores are calling for an immediate implementation of Shiriah Law. They want, and will settle for nothing less, than for all police officers or agents of the Court who smiled while viewing the controversial film entitled “Michelle Attacks Dog’s Tongue With Her Vaginal Secretions” or were aroused by it or thought about it afterwords should all be placed on immediate suicide watch for their crimes of hypocrisy. This is because 1 out of 20 women, who are sexually active , do engage in these practices and are going to begin assuring those oppressors of age-old Fertility Rites receive their just reward of 10,000 lashes, castration and are then beheaded.
All of the officers in the Special Victims Vice Squad, who were involved in the sting operation against the cherub looking Michelle, as well as police officers everywhere in America would not deny under oath that they had never had their cocks sucked at one time or another by more than a number of prostitutes they have arrested over the years of their careers just prior to arresting them on morals charges. However a spokesperson for the International Association of Chiefs of Police, which recognizes the Laws of Galilee, stated that he personally could not remember the number of Magdalenes with full lips who he enjoyed swallowing as proof of their vices.
When former President George W. Bush was asked if he would like to make a comment on the story and facts about the case that he is singularly responsible for more death, suffering and human agony than all of the serial killers in the world he smiled and then answered, “Isn’t it great to live in a free country where justice like that prevails and will stand the test of time?”
On another site are the police reports which Beastiality Free Love obtained from an undercover wolf and whistle-blower who has now been put on suspension from the K9 Core and threatened with being put to sleep for revealing facts to the public that were classified as Top Secret under the Freedom of Information Act that has been declared null and void by the Patriot Act due to National Security issues regarding the peaceful manufacture of weapons of mass destruction no one is allowed to discuss.
I’m pretty sure Bramin is either my brother-in-law, or a parody of my brother-in-law.