Diora Baird is possibly the hottest girl ever.  Tiny freckles?  Boobs that piss in gravity’s face?  Yes, please.  Normally, she looks like what you see above.  So I was a little surprised to find that in the Star Trek trading cards MTV discovered, she looks like this. …Why, God, why?

I know she’s playing an Orion Slave Girl (who have green skin) but they normally look like this.  They have light-green skin, they don’t look like they’re auditioning to be a space minstrel. This is like puking on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, as my uncle once did time for.  Between trying to make Diora Baird look bad and the creepy androgynous Spock, I’m beginning to wonder if JJ Abrams drinks from the penis-shaped bowl.  (too subtle?)

UPDATE: Having seen the film, I can confirm what a commenter or two has already pointed out – that the Orion Slave Girl in the picture is Rachel Nichols, not Diora Baird.  Why Diora Baird’s name was on MTV’s picture or why she was listed on IMDB when as far as I could tell she wasn’t in the movie is anyone’s guess.

I don’t usually post mash-ups, because the concept’s a bit stale, and because most people will just take sound from one thing and put it over another and call that a mash up, and there’s nothing interesting about that. Unless you’re watching Wizard of Oz and listening to Pink Floyd while tripping balls on angel dust (it also works with ether, Mac & Me, and “99 Luftballoons” – it’s uncanny).  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  This is Star Wars, recut to look like Dallas, set to the Dallas theme music (which is pretty awesome, far as 80s theme music goes).  Two different things! Together!  Science, I could take you in the mouth right now.

[thanks to liveforfilms]

“Hell day” on FilmDrunk continues with this new poster for Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell (which actually looks like it could be decent). I like the tagline – it’s very versatile.  You can tell it’s not a comedy because of all the flames, but slap that same pitch on a poster of Larry the Cable Guy and his estranged city-slicker daughter who gets stuck with him on a fishin trip?  You’d be prepared for hijinks.

[via shocktillyoudrop]

The one good thing about psychotic fundementalist Christians is that they make hilariously terrible movies for each other.  Below, you can watch the trailer for C Me Dance (“A dance that shines through darkness”), which, as you can imagine, is basically Step Up 2 the Streets for people who love fetuses.  Just like in Hollywood, the protagonist has to win the dance competition to pay for a relative’s operation.  Only this time it’s not greedy developers she has to contend with, it’s… SATAN! Oh hey, and did I mention there’s a random split-second shot of Jesus being nailed to the cross spliced in there?  Because of course there is.  Fundie movies without Jesus being nailed to the cross are like french fries without salt.

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Stella Artois recently financed several short films as part of their smooth originals/triple filtered films campaign – but don’t worry, the product placement is so subtle you almost don’t notice it.  The clip above is a parody of Die Hard 3, called Dial Hard, which imagines what Die Hard 3 would’ve been like if it was set in the 60s and European.  Inspector “Jean Meqlaine” answers a series of riddles from a mysterious woman named Simone (Simone says).  It’s more subtle than the football-to-the groin clips I normally post, but give it a chance, it’s pretty funny.  After the jump I’ve got 8 Kilometres, which turns Detroit rap battles into competitive beat poetry in French.  “Say bonjour to your wife, female canine.” 

They should’ve asked Terrence Howard to be in this.
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