In Gigantic, Paul Dano plays a quirky mattress salesman who falls in love with free spirit Zooey Deschanel when her unconventional father figure John Goodman buys a non-traditional bed – but life is so complicated when you have a trust fund! Based on the book you bought at Urban Outfitters. Okay, I’m kidding about that last part. I think. Anyway, as I’ve mentioned, I think Zooey Deschanel is cute as hell. I can’t decide if I want to f-ck her or nuzzle her. But I’m confused as to how this isn’t the exact same movie as 500 Days of Summer. Poor Zooey, her agent keeps getting her parts where she falls in love with hipster pussies. We all know what she really wants is man’s man like me, who wears cutoff jean shorts and drives a pickup with an axe rack. Come on, baby, lemme split that log.
[via FilmSchoolRejects. Opens April 3rd]
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I could get him a Chinese baby for like 8 grand tops. 5 grand for a girl.
4 grand for a girl with a stab wound. Final offer.
Sorry, for a second I thought this was about my dong. HEYOOOOOOOO! BADA BOOM! BING BONG BANG!
Zooey plays John Goodman’s daughter? Who the fuck plays her mother? A Fraggle?
Zooey Deschanel is the harmless, straight version of Michelle Rodriguez.
500 Days, not 200
She has an extra O in her name to compensate for the five seconds I’d last.
I wish they’d name one of these movies “Maslow’s Tired of Your Shit”.
Paul Dano looks like a fucktard who ate too much glue as a child. Creepy looking bastard that one.
you can never eat “too much” glue.
Thank god they used a derivative of the Little Miss Sunshine soundtrack or I never would’ve recognized where I’ve seen the male protagonist before. *rolls eyes and making a wanking motion while sipping my double foam skim chai latte with pinky extended*
‘Cause she’s kinda small and muppet looking…
These movies are chick flicks for boring ugly men. There, I said it.
“BROOKLYN & SCARVES & RAY BANS & INDIE ROCK”
Great. All we need now is Stephen Hawking reciting Kafka and Woody Allen jamming a ballpeen hammer up my ass and my own personal hell would be complete.
Tom, you just gave me a boner.
I thought 500 Days of Summer was Al Gore’s sequel?
The male lead was one Emile Hirsch’s friends in The Girl Next Door (he was the guy with the fencing mask and huge dong). Now he’s film-banging Zooey Deschanel and Hirsch is starring next to animated seizure-inducing monkeys. Either Emile Hirsch needs a new agent or he killed a bunch of hookers in
the past few yearsa past life.I dano what to think of this movie.
Hirsch was in Into the Wild and Milk and Speed Racer, not that those are all great movies, but I’m pretty sure he’s doing fine.
There’s this one scene where Paul Dano forgets to bring the Chinese baby grocery shopping and he flips out in the rice-a-roni section screaming “I’VE ABANDONED MY BOY!”
BTK, I’m pretty sure making a kid who’s finally escaped from China eat rice-a-roni is against the protocols of the Geneva Convention.
Yeah, its like feeding bacon to a pig.
SPOILER
At the end of the movie, Dano hires the baby to keep the stores books when it turns out the baby is really good at math.
I kind of liked Speed Racer…there I said it. I think we all feel a little better now.
Zoey:I was in what now?
Paul: It was called the Happening. In it you and Marky Mark out ran …the wind.
Zoey: Damn, I really gotta stop accepting drinks from strange Indian men.