02.03.09 WORST. ASSIGNMENT. EVER.

It’s like Jumanji meets The Witches of Eastwick!

I have to finish my Beyonceance project first!

I hope when the trailer shows the title, the announcer says it so that I’ll finally know how to pronounce Ouija.

When this script is finished, someone should mercifully ejaculate fire on it.

/Yes, I’m asking for volunteers.

This will never top Witchboard 2, where Kari Wuhrer from MTV’s Remote Control spent large portions of the movie naked.

Ok but whatever they do I hope they don’t cast Tawney Kitaen to reprise her role she had in the last movie about ouija boards where she showed full frontal nudity.

I mean, have you seen her lately? Gross.

@Aimlessly–it’s pronounced “wee-jah.” Like, “Ouijast had a terrible idea for a movie.”

The whole movie, the camera is going to start panning for no reason and you’ll hear two of the crew members arguing in the background stop moving it, I’m not moving it you’re moving it, no I’m not it’s not funny stop it.

Did Big Smelly Dirt Cock and I just have a Donk/Crappy moment like yesterday?

They’re currently casting the numbers and letters on the board. “J” and “Z” are taken; “CP3″ may have a conflict with the playoffs.

/Basketball? Anybody?

I’ll bet the whole movie will just be random shots of letters on billboards spelling “jackass, we got your money now” in different languages.

Lindsay Lohan has agreed to play “Yes.”

I predict that this movie will be totally unrealistic, because I’ve never seen a Ouija Board explode before.

*consults game*

It’s spelling something…

Bay: It’s spelling… B-O-O-M!

If this movie doesn’t revolve around a bunch of teen girls at a slumber party, it is DEAD2ME.

Maybe they will conjure up a spirit to save the rec center!

Excerpt from the script:

A handful of nubile 20-something junior high girls gather around the Ouija Board at a slumber party.

The Blue Angels do an awesome fly-by.

“Who’s fucking name starts with a 5?”

With the popularity of the Shaky-Cam brand of cinematography, wouldn’t a Magic 8 Ball movie be more fitting?

{Int: High School house party at night.}
Crappy: Mike, you tool, stop moving the stylus.
MB: What, what? I’m not doing it! It’s Smeguli the spirit! {makes scary whoo wooo sounds} Whooo wooooo!!
C: You’re a fuckstick, Mike.
MB: Sorry man! I’m just soooo wasted.
C: I’ve been giving you O’Douls, Mike.
MB: Really?
C: Ya. Fuck Mike, I’m going home.
MB: BOOM!

So which was it, Kitaen or Wuhrer? My boner is waiting for clarification.

-Banner Pic-

AAAAHHHHHHH I’m crazy ouija board man!

One time I was playing with a Ouija board and it told me that one day some douchebag would make a movie out of it. I didn’t believe that was possible, so I ignored such an ominous threat.

Guess I dropped the ball America. Sorry.

I say, fuck you Ouija board! I never did marry Donny Osmond and I’m still pissed!

The best we can hope for is when someone is playing Ouija a few years from now, they call up the ghost of this cancelled project.

Ouija: A Parkour Bros. bored game.

Actually, Michael Bay writes all of his scripts using a special “awesome” Ouija board. It has the alphabet in the middle but instead of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ it has a giant robot on the left and a pair of tits on the right.

Michael Bay’s Ouija board is illiterate.

*chodin exits bathroom, palms stuck with maxi pads, lotion dripping from chin*

Fixed the leak, fags.

On the first day of shooting the prop master should rig the game to spell out F I R E Y O U R A G E N T S.

Michael Bay’s Ouija board has an [F3] option.

Michael Bay movies are already like Ouija boards. The more your brain works, the less the concept does.

Michael Bay’s last three scripts were composed using a Ouija board.

You don’t need a Ouija board for me to tell you this idea is F-A-G.

Michael Bay runs all his ideas through his Ouija board, but instead of a yes and a no, he his is specially made with two yesses.

I’m not one for the occult, so I don’t fuck with Ouija Boards, but a Speak ‘N Spell?
Well, that my friend is another story.

I C U P P

This idea sucks so much that the guy who came up with it will never have to vaccuum again.

They should make a movie from the game Sorry!. Mostly, it would just be me sitting in bed and looking embarrassed until the girl leaves.

I heard an assistant was fired for not being able to [Ctrl] [Alt] [delete] Mr. Bay’s Ouija Board.

I’m still holding out for my script to get greenlit: ‘Naked Chicks On Fireball Island’.
BOOYAKASHAW, bitch.

Look, the last movie based on a REAL board game (sorry, Jumanji) was SUCH a big hit and is still such a cult favorite that this one can’t miss.
Ah, who can forget “Clue” (1985). Who killed Colonel Mustard, indeed.

Anyone else ever played ‘Guess Who’ in a police lineup?

*chodin attempts to summon spirits*

“Oh great Ouija Board…should you be spelled with a ‘W’ at the beginning?”

*waits…*

^Unless you count “Twister” with Helen Hunt, and frankly, I couldn’t see the connection with the game at all.

Well, on a slightly related note, this has inspired me to re-name my class for next semester’s course catalog: Trivial Pursuit.

Hey, I know this shit is useless – I’m just here for the 19-year-old girls who are away from home for the first time and have serious daddy issues. Say, is there a game called “Sure I’ll give you an A, just don’t tell anyone”? Because there should be.

*Pauly conjures spirit with Ouija Board*

“Oujia Board, will I ever find true love?”

[Ouija Board reads]

N-O…….L-O-L.

*chodin and Pauly conjure spirit with Ouija Board*

chodin: “Oujia Board, who will be the first to die?”

*stylus points towards Pauly*

Pauly: “Oh fuck…my dick? Really!?”

I like to imagine that Weston Coppola can order pizzas with his Oujia Board.

I hear Jehovah Witnesses use a Oujia Board as their doormat.

This will compete with Jerry Bruckheimer’s upcoming adaptation of a MASH game.