Silly Wolverine, bringing a bayonet to a dirt clod fight
After the jump, watch “Brothers”, the latest 60-second TV spot for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which shows Wolverine fighting in the Civil War, Wolverine fighting in World War II, Wolverine fighting in Vietnam… Maybe the twist is that he’s like some 1000 year old vampire who moved to Seattle to bang high school chicks or something like that. Or maybe he became a superhero by being the only guy to kill more gooks than Clint Eastwood. Back when I was in Korea, we wouldn’t waste a bullet on a gook. We’d just push ‘em off the top of our giant pile a dead gooks…
Anyway, watch it while you can, because the people at Fox are busy trying to get it pulled from the Internet. That’s right, they’re trying to stop people from seeing their commercial. Why? Because they’re f-cking idiots, that’s why. Fox is the company God created to make everyone else look smart by comparison.
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Boss! Boss! People are trying to watch advertising for our product on the internet. What should we do?
Damn it, Johnny, don’t you know anything? We have to hack the internets.
All the internets?
Since I assume wolverine fought for the north in the civil war, I thought he’d like to know that not he, but Harriet Tubman, was black peoples John Connor.
You could tell he was slacking as he got older. The civil war was ended decisively and WWII ended with an H bomb, but Vietnam didn’t end nearly as well. He’s clearly lost a step.
You should have seen Wolverine fighting in the cola wars. That Royal Crown factory never saw it coming.
They totally ripped that off from Highlander!
Humble to a fault, Wolverine never takes credit for starting America, he just claims to really fucking hate tea.
Sexman’s X-man codename is Summertooth. Some’re here, some’re there.
Wolverine fought in every war ever
And was apparently part of the original Peanuts gang.
They left out the part where he was the gym coach at Calumet High School during the early 80′s.
Lt. Dan ‘Wolverine’ Taylor
Dear Fox executives,
WHERE ARE THE SPANDEX SUITS?
Sincerely,
Your Idea of a Comic Book Movie Fan
DURST…durst… durst…. durst……. (echoes off as tumbleweed roles through thread)
Private Jackman doesn’t ask and doesn’t tell.
All I wanted in this world was to make a Pigpen joke.
Full Adamantium Jacket
Speaking of the cola wars, *overturns kitchen table* I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
I dunno, seems like there would be a lot, like A LOT more little wolverines running around if this were so.
Not with the way this Wolverine behaves.
*rips one*
If I lived forever I would be in every woman ever, but i’m a lover not an insane, healing metal skeleton-bound wolf-man
I guess Apocalypse Now was based on Wolverine fighting Apocalypse and that whole Vietnam movie was just a diversion. It all makes sense now…
Just in case anyone doesn’t know, he was also a samurai, a mercenary, a miner, a blackfoot indian and black ops. He was probably jesus at some point too.
You know he was almost dropped early on in the comics but kept because he was Canadian? See how Marvel feels after he kills his family…
You know how those tameless loners just love the military.