VAN DAMME IS PICKY ALL OF A SUDDEN
02.06.09
Stallone already has Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke signed on for The Expendables, but at one point he wanted Van Damme. Van Damme, displaying his legendary choosiness with roles, turned him down.
“Stallone gave me a part in his next movie,” Van Damme told TotalFilm. “But I ask him about the subject, about the story. He said, ‘You’re gonna make lots of money.’ I don’t want to hear that, I want to hear what was my character. He was unable to tell what it’s going to be.”
He continued: “[Stallone said:] ‘You know, uh, well, the fighting will be good.’ [So I said:] ‘Sly, what is my character?’ So I didn’t do the movie.” [WorstPreviews]
Van Damme continued, “Do I time travel? Am I cyborg? A character from a video game? A Shaolin monk? Do I play my own identical twin? Look, I’m all for doing the splits and karate, but only if it’s tasteful.”
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Stallone should have told him he gets to do karate while on drugs and beat up on his kid.
Jean Claude Van Damme signs all his contracts the same way – by stapling them to a stack of lumber and smashing it with an elbow drop.
Note to Hollywood: Me. Van Damme would now like to be referred to as Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg and will only accept roles with actors under four feet.
Banner Pic 2: Get over here with the lighter, quick!
Seven men embark on one final mission to clear their names and save the world from the forces of evil. Stallone is Grumpy. Statham is Happy. Li is Sneezy. Lundgren is Dopey. Rourke is Doc. Diesel is Doc. And, re-introducing Van Damme as Bashful.
Size Isn’t Everything opens Yom Kippur, 2009.
FUCK!!!!!!!! Doc twice!!!!!!!
Rourke was supposed to be Sleepy. Someone fix it.
I agree. Of all the academy award winning screenplay writers, Stallone is the least likely to write a film tailored to the likes of Van Damme.
In JCVD’s defense, “a lot of money” in Belgium isn’t much.
Good for JCVD for seeing through Stallone’s evil plot to put all of his action star competition on a rocket and fire them into the sun. Expendables, indeed…..
JCVD: “Vat’s my motivation for zis scene?”
Stallone: “Yo, just do like I do–happy scenes, think about counting money; angry scenes, think about smashing Brigitte Nielsen in the face.”
Oh, why couldn’t Stallone have put together this blockbuster cast for the G.I. Joe movie? Or The Watchmen movie?
“The Expendables: Like Depends, Only Expensive”
Van Damme is just in a bad mood because he’s not the most interesting thing to come out of Belgium in the last few weeks.
Left banner pic: Two Wild and Crazy Guys!…DOR SHO GHA!
I want to hear what was my character. He was unable to tell what it’s going to be.
Sly: Oh, well, uh, gee, I dunno, Jean…um…you could be a guy living with a mullet…and uh, I dunno…
JCVD: Mullet? ZUT ALORS! I take de job!
Van Damme: “Vats my motivation?”
Stallone: “Uh, Jean, I don’t know nuttin about planes – you wanna go break stuff?”
Meanwhile, Mario Van Peebles was quoted as saying “Spare some change?”
This report is wrong. Apparently Van Damme told Sly he wants to play a South American soldier. So Vance, you just need to throw an extra S in the title of the post.
That was a stretch but made me smile…
Why don’t you just make like JCVD and split.