What the hell is this, you ask? Why, it’s a Twilight-fan-made representation of BELLA’S WOMB, made of felt, of course. Complete with “an actual felted mutant fetus inside.” You might not think it looks much like a uterus, but keep in mind that Twilight author Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, and Mormons believe babies hatch from eggs that Jesus lays. White babies, anyway.
[via journalfen, via Cinematical]
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I’d hit it.
Actually, it looks like a hairy 70s vagina. Or a really uncomfortable pocket pussy, I can’t make up my mind which.
“Look, I’m not saying I don’t love you felt-womb, I just have a thing for pulling out”
Did Stephen King make this?
I’d hang that from my Christmas tree…..
in May.
I think I can finally break both my niece and nephew’s awful pop-culture fascinations: First I tell him that this is what a pokemon ball (poke-ball) really looks like, and then simply tell her the truth about what it really is.
Oops- I should mention that they are both in college.
This reminds of that one time my home ec teacher knitted me a cock sleeve after I made her a tit pillow. It’s a pillow for your tits.
This may not be the first time I’ve said this (today) but . . .
Sweet Jebus, kill me now.
Black Jesus eats his golden eggs with grape drink.
Jesus has a pomegranate for a uterus?
I’ve dropped plenty of deuces in my time and not a fucking one has ever hatched, thank you very much.
I’d share my earbuds with that thing while my iPod played Phil Collins’ “Easy Lover”.
Where the hell did all of these posts come from?
Judging from the size of the mitt in the banner pic, that thing is destined to be mistaken for a coconut, devoured in a single bite, and washed down with tears of desperation and shame.
How to make me scream twice:
1) put up a new post while I’m delivering gems on the Push thread
2) include the scariest picture on ze planet
Well played, Mankini.
Before I read the post, I was convinced it was a model of Stephanie Meyer’s face.
In the one pic with the hand, you can see just a hint of a ring- what are the odds that it is a abstinence ring. I’d bet 100%. Especially if this is what the owner of that hand thinks sex results in. At any rate, she’ll still do anal.
Dang, vampyre feti tear a uterus up!
What…the…fuck!?
This just goes to show you that Twilight fans will forever remain virgins. “What, baby? You don’t want to put it in my felt vagina?” No, thank you, I don’t.
Fuckin’ nerd city, population whoever made the fuzzy vampire coconut. Now excuse me while I go peddle my neato Star Trek action figures on ebay.
My girlfriend’s been sitting on her hand for like 20 minutes now, so I’ll be back at the Amber post if you need me. WOOOHOOOO! Stranger here I come!
Pauly: Here you go, baby. Happy Valentine’s day! *hands girlfriend a handmade felt-womb*
Pauly’s hoe: Awwww, you shouldn’t have! Here. I got you something too. *hands Pauly a head of lettuce*
Pauly: Awww, you da best bitch a nigga could have!
If I were Stephanie Meyer and I got this in the mail, even I’d start re-evaluating my life.
I swear, I never even had sex with her. I just felt her up!
That’s all it takes.
LINCE!!! Why did you edit out the picture where He headbutts the fuzzy uterus to death?
Oh, look! Star Trek figures on Ebay!!! QAPLAH!
Maybe The Mighty One will scan in His artistic interpretation of Pearl Jam’s song, “Satan’s Bed”…
Maxwell, people that call their jokes “gems” are the same people who call their arms “guns”.
Up next on a very special Muppet Show: Miss Piggy has to make a very tough choice…
Maxwell, people that call their jokes “gems” are the same people who call their arms “guns”.
BOOSH!
“Bartender, I’ll have a Fuzzy Vampire Coconut, and bring a shot for my monkey”
“What’s the monkey having?”
“AIDS. He got it from a mormon.”
“Missionary?”
“No, actually it was doggy style”.
@PD–yes, but we also call our guns “guns.” [points 9mm sideways] Pauly’s about to start living . . . Dangerouslier.
/This Fall on Fox.
This wouldn’t be the first time I used a uterus to mend a part of a pool table…
Website Guy–I don’t ask for much, but kindly have some other banner picture greet me when I visit. If I gouge my eyes out, my future comments will be something along the lines of a;lskidafp[ivja[sdaaue/.,klnkjchoff
Well, that felt exactly the same. Fuckin’ Twilight readers.
There is a fucking Klingon spaceship filled with these things somewhere out in the Delta sector.
That’s the Trouble With Twilighters.
I’ve got a plan to round up as many of these things as possible and send them to Kristen Stewart for Valentine’s Day. Who’s with me?
There are ways of calling Stephenie Meyer a hairy cunt without breaking out the scissors and craft glue.
There’s my sandwich!
I would totally hunt down this lunatic’s location, break into her house, steal this felt nightmare – just to hold it up in front of her stupid face and say “Parkay!” as I open the top up.
From now on, I’m going to refer to fisting as “punching the muppet”.
You know, whoever made this is going to get real pissed because this was a rough draft womb and not the final uterus. We simply weren’t meant to see it yet. She’ll stop working on it and blame the internet for ruining her vision.
The only way this would be cool is if you opened it and there was a Peep inside. Everyone loves Peeps.
Stoney, you are so nommed.
WTF is the little white thing in the middle of the big black thing?
BTW, anybody happen to catch last night’s episode of “Spook Hunt?”
This is hysterical!
(you see, because the word “hysterical” comes from the greek word hystera meaning “womb”)
*Punches self in the nuts*
I’m impressed, Donk.
The Mighty Feklahr would be lying if He said He missed an episode of “Spook Hunt”.
BTW, all craft store in Utah have a ‘Felt Womb Supplies’ aisle. It’s right next to the aisle where they sell the wife numbering kits.
You put your weed in there. And a baby, but mostly weed.
@ Stone: Mutant fetus not included
The creator was devastated when a maniacal Belgian ran in and stabbed the fuck out of the fetus’ head.
That isn’t a womb, that’s my whorex’s blackened Satan LOVING HEART!!
Is this what’s inside hacky sacks?
Pubes and a balled up spooge napkin?
At first I thought it was a Torta…
Now that they opened it, i think it’s an Empanada.
That looks very similar to the Briar Rabbit diorama I made for the fair using died pubic hair.
An afterbirth torta. Fuck Salvadorians will eat anything.
Bullshit. Everyone knows no Mormon teenager’s uterus can be represented without a felt coat hanger.
This is what inspired Rafi to write the song “Baby Beluga”.
I’m glad to see they’re bringing back Crank Yankers.
*chodin wonders into thread nonchalantly, notices thread picture and immediately throws up semen*
Ahhhh fuck! Well, there goes my diet plan.
It just needs to be said once more.
What…the…fuck!?!?!
I seriously think I’m going to need to drink a bottle of Nyquil to sleep tonight.
I don’t know what you call it, but I had one for breakfast at a Denny’s in Tuscon once.
Looks like some dude jizzed the contents of a septic tank into her nut notch.
{looks around}
MMMMmmmmCGeeeeee?!
Did you mean “Tucson” TengoPooter?
Dude, the Waffle House off the interstate pwns Denny’s!
they need to rethink the twilight action figures, i think.
Whoever built that faux womb needs to think very long and hard about their life, as they travel through the air from the top of a bridge.
I traded the kid across the street this shit, straight up, for a laser tag set.
Fucking ‘momo
No way pauly. Too many meskins. I mean Tuscon, Utah.
“Dude, the Waffle House off the interstate pwns Denny’s!”
Off of Grant? Fek knows what time it is.
“Dude, the Waffle House off the interstate pwns Denny’s!”
Yeah but try to order one of those things at Waffle House and they’ll look at you like your nuts.
I gave this same shit to my Mom for Mother’s Day and the bitch started poking me with a wire coat hanger.
I have the same fucking problem: every time I try to build an imitation uterus, it always ends up looking like a goddamn kiwi. 8=D;(
“I gave this same shit to my Mom for Mother’s Day and the bitch started poking me with a wire coat hanger.”
Big deal, it obviously didn’t work the first time she tried to coat hanger you.
Bella’s cunt-cake. Brought to you by the folks at Hostess®.
….What the fuck?…
The Twilight Fan base is a lil more special-ed than I originally thought it was
This doesn’t compare to the felt pussy I made myself in prison. I’d show you guys a picture, but I fucked it into a fine dust.
I realize that I’m surgically opening Pandora’s uterus on this, but do these kids fuck in these damn books?
*places monocle over eye; falls off and gets stepped on*
I’m a bit of a high society fucker, myself. I too enjoy my mutant uterus with black caviar, bitch.
I’m gonna make one of these that has a handle on it and call it a PortaBella Mushwomb.
My artistic ability won’t allow me to make my favorite characters face, but i bet i could pull off her womb.
I just wanted to say “pull off her womb”.
I’m gonna take a picture of this up to Hobby-Lobby and get one of the viejitas to help me pick out the supplies.
Fek knows what time it is.
Beer thirty?
Lance Armstrong Testicular Cancer Playset comes with everything you see here.
Chodin, I heard from a source who read the books that, yes, they fuck, and the story only gets more fucked from there.
God, knowing what I know about these books is like knowing the exact date and time the sun’s going to burn out.
^ Assuming they continue to exploit the market and make the other books into movies.
Should I be concerned that my uterus looks nothing like that?
Oooh, this is just some sort of “artist’s rendering”.
*stuffs uterus back in*
I have kicked alot of uteri in my day, but I think this one will win my foot.
I think somebody needs a good talkin’ to about their english muffin antics.
Chodin, have a moment?
I love that ‘Mark Wahlberg Peeing on a Wall’ is considered a ‘Related Post.’
Who the FUCK took a bloody shit in my sourdough bowl?
Als got a uterus?
In her fridge, madman…in her fridge.
*wipes edges of mouth*
Crap, were you saying something?
MMMMMM, chilled uterus
Al’s a chick??
Wait, Al’s a chick?!
*gynecologist veers back in seat*
Bella: “What is it!? Do I have some strange vampire child growing inside me?”
OBGYN: “Look you dumb bitch: guys lie. That dude gave you herpes.”
FUCK!!!
WHO’S THE GUY FROM DOUBLE DRAGON!!!???!!!
Al is all woman (and eight inches of man).
In Japan, they believe powdering one of these and sprinkling it in your tea will give you powerful erections.
I had something similar happen when I opened my Wendy’s baked potato.
chodin: “Son…what are you working on?”
son: “Dad, I’m working on a prop from a book that I am really-”
*WHACK*
son: “Why did you slap me in the mouth?”
chodin: “WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU TO READ, HOMO????”
And I was pissed because I specifically told the mook in the speaker I wanted NO FETUS!
I like my fetuses the same way that I like my women: build out of felt and presented by a teenage boy.
I didn’t know uterus’ (uteri?) were black inside
So that’s what’s inside a regulation soft ball.
Chicks are fucking wierd.
They are black when stuffed with pubes. Which takes some serious beard muff gang bangin’.
dam apostraphes
You know, with any other fan base, this might seem strange.
I want to ask an honest question here: aside from uploading to the internet and allowing hordes of stepfathers to beat off to it, what the fuck exactly do you do with an imitation mutant fetus?
“Species” re-enactments?
It’s official: the longer I look at this thing, the hornier I get.
*reaches for Hot Pocket*
Pictured: A womb with a view
GWAR beat you to it, madman.
*squints at monitor*
Oh fuck…I, I think I used to date this chick. She went to ASU.
Throw some shaky puppet eyes on there and you’ve got yourself the world’s cutest fucking felted mutant womb EVER.
That’s the worst looking breast implant I’ve ever seen. Or felt.
Is Bella an Ewok?
And if so, who knocked her up?
Out fuckers!
{wanders off singing GWAR’s ‘Death Pod’}
The afterbirth is made of grape jelly.
Did someone tell this Twilight fan that the baby is stillborn?
After seeing this, I’m reaching extra deep in the next girl’s pussy just to check if there’s felt up there.
It’ll be felt when you’re done doin’ that, Pauly.
The thought of a mutant vampire growing inside her made Bella feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
And anatomically incorrect, of course.
I’m going to make a bunch of those and sell them as a total fart silencer and absorption system.
In real life, uteri are much softer.
That fetus has a nice rack.
Fuck all of you for making me go look up the real pluralization of “uterus”.
Fuck all of you for making me go look up “pluralization” to make sure it’s a real word.
Did you use an IUD?
(Internet Uterine Definer)
Sorry, that was pathetic.
Fuck Al of you!
“YOU GOTS A PURDY UTERUS”
My wedding vow
Or it’ll be on my Tombstone with mushrooms, bell peppers and ‘ronis
You white people have the strangest need for loofahs.
Sadly, this is the closest the female Twilight will ever get to a vagina. What, I’m I the only one who fantasizes about Twilight fans lezzing out?