THIS SEEMED FUNNIER THE FIRST TIME
02.17.09
Hey, did you think Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was a funny idea? Well hold onto your f-cking sides, motherf-cker!
Elton John’s Rocket Pictures hopes to make the first Jane Austen adaptation to which men will drag their girlfriends [by the hair! OO WHA-A AA AA!].
Will Clark [not the former San Francisco Giant, unfortunately] is set to direct “Pride and Predator,” which veers from the traditional period costume drama when an alien crash lands and begins to butcher the mannered protags, who suddenly have more than marriage and inheritance to worry about.
The company is also in production on the CG-animated “Gnomeo and Juliet” for Miramax/Disney. [Variety]
Oh hey look, you made a cute play on words, gold star for you. Tell your wife, tell your friends — shit, call a press conference, but don’t make us watch an entire movie about it. And you know what the worst part about this is? Colin Firth. There, I said it.
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This is like a sandwich made with both ends of the loaf.
Truth be told, any movie that has Jesse Ventura with the God-machine-gun can’t be THAT bad!
Over here…
…turn around…
I do declare!
Are we completely sure Colin Firth isn’t a lesbian vampire?
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I…GET TO DA CHOPPAH!!!”
when did ricky williams start acting?
I say, my, aren’t you one ugly motherfucker
Ok, ladies, which one of you invited Miles Davis?
Will Clark retired with the St. Louis Cardinals, thank you very much.
someone get bob marley a spliff. he looks fuckin pissed.
Where there’s a pun, there’s a script.
Up next: Larenz Tate stars in The Merchant of Menace II Society.
St. Louis has a baseball team?
I will rape your fucking eye.
Pride and Predator is the alternate title for that dumb ass hugging lion clip.
Will Smith is looking to star in an adaptation of Twelff Night.
Arnold will make his return to the big screen with Howard’s End of Days.
Pauly and Chodin are going to start filming on their new film ‘The Catcher and The Wry’ any day now.
I plan on digging up Jim Varney’s corpse and filming ‘The Importance of Beating Ernest’.
Me currently shoppin’ Moby Dick-stepper.
Anybody want to read my script about a young rich kid who gets beaten up until he’s taken in by a wise Japanese man? I call it ‘Sense and Sensei-bility’.
This Summer, Hugh Grant falls in love with a frightening distopia in Nineteen Eighty Four Weddings and a Funeral.
I’m copywriting “Wuthering Frights” and “Jane Eerie”.
50 Cent is already signed on for Cent and Sensibility.
Fuck All Y’all.
Eli Roth puts a new twist on slavery in Uncle Tom’s Cabin Fever.
Clive Barker writes a book about a young student who learns about killing around the world when his name is said five times in front of a mirror: Candied.
Vivica A. Fox in Slaughterhouse Jive
A pop / dance star has terrible fate befall him in ‘The Fall of The House of Usher’.
Grapes of Wrath of Khan! DOR SHO GHA!
The ultimate beast takes on communistic symbolism in Manimal Farm.
50 CENT will also be displaying his female side in “A tale of two fiddy’s”
A young Anna Nicole Smith dupes an old man into marriage in “19-84″
Of Mice and Men Without Hats
A street magician becomes one of the most wealthy businessmen in the world in Citizen Blaine.
Lifetime Movies puts an empowering spin on a Tolkien classic in The Hobbitual Rapist.
The tale of a southern belle and disaster in a Zepellin,
Gone with the Hindenberg
Zac de la Roca will be narrating Beyond Good and Evil Empire
A pop / dance star has terrible fate befall him in ‘The Fall of The House of Usher’.
And the sequel, after his wife has plastic surgery in Brazil: “The Fall of the Spouse of Usher”.
(not my joke, so don’t nom it)
new up!
Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Christina Aquilera will star in The Three Mouseketeers
Patrick Dempsey is a pizza delivery boy caught in an affair with a lonely wife in Lady Chatterly’s Loverboy.
No one’s reading this, so what the hell….
After his father dies leaving his family destitute, a horse-faced young Canadian boy is forced to busk for change on the filthy streets in Nicholas Nickelback.
When I first tried to navigate to this page today I typo’d it as “failmdrunk.” Coincidence, or miraculous premonition?
Guess who’s coming to dinner…the nappy dreadlocks.