Last we heard about The Rum Diary (based on the Hunter S. Thompson novel starring Johnny Depp in the lead), the casting director was supposedly partial to Keira Knightley or Scarlett Johansson. Luckily, it seems the casting director was adhering to a strict “Tits or GTFO” rule.
The role drew strong interest from many a leading lady, though some had reservations regarding the nudity the role calls for. But that didn’t inhibit Heard — in the upcoming ensemble Bret Easton Ellis adaptation “The Informers,” [which is supposedly beyond terrible] she spends all but one scene in the flesh. [THR]
The original casting notice read:
SEEKING: CHENAULT A beautiful, 25 year old [...] with a killer smile and a wry, enigmatic personality, she wears barely-there sarongs, sunbathes nude, and oozes sexuality in everything she does. She enchants and mesmerizes Kemp [Depp] from the moment they meet: while both escaping a tedious, high-end party. Chenault is dating and possibly engaged to Sanderson, but clearly feels an attraction to Kemp. She’s a daredevil who loves to dance and drive fast. She gets into big trouble with a lust-crazed, violent crowd during Carnival in St. Thomas [Editor's note: A gang rape!]. .. LEAD. This role contains nudity.
It’s nice they’re not softening their nudity required stance, especially for as boring an actress as Scarlett Johansson. I much prefer an uninhibited lady. Plus, an actress who doesn’t do nudity is like a dog that doesn’t fetch, or a stripper who doesn’t cry.
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All I heard was ‘blah blah blah, this chick is a slut’.
Amber Heard? More like Amber Alert.
/Fills van with gasoline and duct tape
Ol’ Spit N’ Stroke, tonight your name is Amber Heard.
I read somewhere that naked breasts enhance one’s ability to act a thousandfold. Why not? It worked for Steve Carell in The 40 Year Old Virgin.
After a night of heavy drinking, I always get The Rum Diarrhea.
She was the hot jailbait girlfriend in Pineapple Express so it’s only a natural progression for her next big role to be that of a naked whore.
Amber? Never Heard of her…
I read that they’re releasing a Grindhousey double-feature of The Informers and Dead Snow.
/Another day, another licky boom boom down joke.
Rum Diarrhea, worse than whiskey dick, Jack?
The Rum Diary of Anne Frank ruled–”I still believe that people are basically . . . dude, I’m so wasted.”
Worse than Rum D. or Whiskey D., Tennessee liquor makes me break out in Jackne.
Plus, an actress who doesn’t do nudity is like a dog that doesn’t fetch, or a stripper who doesn’t cry.
Or a blogger that doesn’t have “Gay man on horse” in his Google Image Search history.
They shouldn’t have had much trouble finding someone for the role, I mean there plenty of girls without inhibitions hanging out under the overpass here
SEEKING: Actress to star in a supernatural thriller “Spook Hunt”. Actress must be African American and willing to be naked from waist down.
That casting notice reads the same as my Craigslist ad, except that “smile” and “personality” are optional.
Dor sho gha! She squeezes every qovlpathing micron out of them B-cups, doesn’t she?
*van pulls around corner, Teen Wolf and chodin stand on top performing a dangerous standing-69, at 35mph*
This sounds like the movie I made with my Jack Sparrow action figure and my Barbie
dollaction figure.Donk: Did you know that your last name is a past-tense verb?
Amber: I’ve heard…
Donk: *continues masturbating*
Letting the new role go to her head, Ms. Heard is already referring to the crew as “Rum Dogs.” The crew has responded with a unified front and picket signs that read “Show us your tits!”
Jesus, that original casting notice reads like my personals ad only with less mention of “shit-piss” and “wearing fists as condoms”.
I am going to pretend she has a twin sister, because I am amberdextrous.
See the problem was, Scarlett and Keira wanted “lots of money” (insider Hollywood lingo) to play the role, but for Amber, anything is a step up from those dollar bills tucked in her g-string.
Teehee, if you take the r out of her name, you get Ambe.
I think I fucked that joke up.
I once drove a herd of Ambers across the prairie and delivered them to the strip club where they fetched many a dollar.
SEEKING: Vagina. Yours.
I’ve got to hand it to her: Heard is pretty hot. Like, “eat Red Lobster out of her” hot.
**Get out of shower and enters thread with towel hanging on erection.**
Unlike yesterday, I’m gonna read this post first and make sure I’m bating to a real chick this time.
I’m jealous of Amber. She’s gonna have a little bit of Captain in her.
What is wrong with this chick? I don’t see any tattoos.
Amber… thats one of those fake stripper names like Brandi, Jasmine, or Steve, right?
Amber Alert: Johnny is gonna’ dunk his Depp charge in her.
Right, Topo. I mistakenly jacked it to that picture thinking it was a woman, but I corrected my mistake by jacking it again while thinking it was a man. I ain’t no dumbass.
“She’s a daredevil who loves to dance and drive fast. She gets into big trouble with a lust-crazed, violent crowd during Carnival in St. Thomas”
Note: my mom is suing the producers since this is clearly based on her life.
CRAIGSLIST: Seeking chick with father issues to star in ‘Cum Diaries’. A rom-com without anything romantic or funny in it. Basically it’s a porno, but it’s not. Okay, yeah it is.
Serious inquiries ONLY: chodin@dickspin.com
I’ve never met an “Amber” that hasn’t sucked dick for money or the prospect of money. It’s a universal law.
“She gets into big trouble with a lust-crazed, violent crowd during [A] Carnival in [Scottsdale, AZ]”
Duke, same here. I just changed positions, though, and pretended I was getting a reach-around.
I was never really into amber, until my friends and I started cloning fucking DINOSAURS.
chronic…masturbation…beginning…tooo much….oh god….
Anyone else hoping they rewrite this with Mickey Rourke as the female lead?
Anyone?
Amber Heard played the young Charlize Theron character from North Country. In that movie, she was raped by her teacher and had an illegitimate bastard child as a result.
…I got no joke.